It’s hard sometimes to swallow words when someone praises a person who hurt you so much. Of course, that someone doesn’t know the back story so it’s not on them.
This person took away my self-confidence and safe space. Since that person did what they did to me, I’m always looking over my shoulder, I don’t trust easily anymore, and my confidence took about 15 steps backward right when I was finally feeling comfortable in my own skin. That person violated my personal life as well and took liberties with my pain that felt like the moments in “Once Upon a Time” when your heart gets taken out of you.
But eventually, I realized that:
- While that person took the power upon themselves, I gave that person way too much power over me. They enjoyed that power, which gave them validation to do what they did.
- I can’t let someone dictate how I feel about myself because they did a crappy thing to me.
- Even when “triggering” moments are rampant right now, the best thing I need to do is ignore it.
- The truth eventually comes to light. And it’s coming to light from others who have been hurt by this same person.
I have to count my blessings. I’m *finally* in a show at Raleigh Little Theatre, I’m working from home even if there are days where it’s not easy, and my anxiety is under control. Sure, the next outburst is probably a moment away, but for now, I’m at peace. Anxiety is a sleeping beast that is unpredictable. Add in depression and you just have a whirlwind of chaos that looms over you at times.
Eventually, I’ll learn to trust again. For now, I trust my family, my boyfriend, and my closest friends. I’m picking up the pieces from the hurt I’ve been through, and using them to rise from the ashes…like a phoenix.
Wait, not LIKE a Phoenix. I need to BE the phoenix.