For decades, it has been typical to see paranormal investigators walk into a haunted location and immediately start provoking and saying things that could be extremely traumatizing to not only spirits and ghosts, but also the living. Is it really necessary to do this in order to get a response during a paranormal investigation? What if this the best way to try to communicate with spirits? Is there another way to go about it?

Personal Experience

I had a TikTok recently that went viral where I shared a (very) short version of the One Bed Over: A Hospital Haunting story. This was the incident of the spirit attachment I dealt with after my car accident on New Year’s Eve 2005. I shared my story with the TV show “Haunted Hospitals” and wrote the book. Telling this story became a healing experience for me, and overall, I’m grateful for the opportunities I had to share it.

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of interviews on different podcasts and radio shows about the story. But in the past few months, I found myself experiencing more PTSD incidents since telling the story more frequently. Nightmares, panic attacks, flashbacks, they were all coming back with a vengeance.

How Do the Spirits Feel?

Why do I bring this up? Because talking about this traumatic chapter in my life just a few times per month has really sparked some responses in my body and soul that’s made me identify the need to step back. 

Yet, what about the ghosts that we try to connect with in haunted locations? Especially locations where there was a lot of trauma and negative events in their lives? There’s a group of strangers coming in and asking about one of the worst days of their lives. Then we expect the spirits to pour out their heart and souls to us, a bunch of strangers, without building rapport or trust. And some of these places see traffic on a daily basis.

Besides a location not being haunted, perhaps this might be a reason that paranormal investigators are met with silence? Or worse, they end up being physically assaulted. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve encountered this on the field. But then, a simple subject change will change the activity levels towards a more positive environment. That simple subject change is compassion and empathy.

Example: The USS North Carolina

In 2018, I did my first paranormal investigation at the Battleship North Carolina (also known as the USS North Carolina). I had been investigating for quite a while up until this point. I wanted to dive deeper into the hauntings of this location besides traditional ghost hunting. Taking a page from John Sabol’s Ghost Excavation method, I had my team members (all female identifying) dress in period clothing. Justifying our presence on the ship would be a bit challenging. This is because civilian women on the ship wasn’t necessarily the norm back in the Battleship’s prime.

So we took on a more flirtatious approach as women looking for sailors to take us out on a night on the town. This included contextual flirting, dancing, and all sorts of shenanigans from the 1940s. Yet, when we tried to steer the conversation towards World War II, and more specifically, Pearl Harbor, we were met with absolute silence. But if we brought up drinks and dancing, our equipment would respond and we got more activity on our recording equipment. Simply put, they weren’t interested in talking to us about a tough topic. To be fair, most of the World War II vets I knew (especially my grandpa) didn’t talk about the war, especially with women.

Example: Trivette Clinic

If you’ve read my book, The Hamptonville Hauntings, then you’ve already read this story in more detail. Without going too deep into the history and research rabbit hole, the Trivette Clinic opened in 1932 in Hamptonville, North Carolina as a small town clinic. This was a place where tonsils were taken out and babies were born. After Dr. William Trivette died in 1938, the Clinic was converted into a supper club and detox center, then a nursing home, and finally, a private residence. While not a lot of “horrifying trauma” happened at the Clinic, one could argue that surgery and childbirth is a form of trauma on its own. 

But one of the most remarkable experiences I had at the Trivette Clinic didn’t involve talking about medical procedures at all. It was playing music. Dr. Trivette’s wife Gwendolyn was a singer who had a love for opera. I’ve always been extremely drawn to her for various reasons, and one night, with two of my team members, a series of events led me to believe she was with us. Thinking about her love of opera, I was inspired to use music as a trigger object. Trying to think of popular operas back in Gwendolyn’s time, I defaulted to “Musetta’s Waltz” from the opera, La Boheme. 

Reaction to the Music

As the music started playing from my phone, every device we had in the basement started going off. The lights became brighter when the music swelled in intensity, and the lights dimmed during the quieter moments. It was like there was a reaction in the environment to the music. In my head, I pictured Gwendolyn singing to the music. Needless to say, it was an emotional experience.

Ever the debunker, I decided to play Van Halen’s “Jump” to see if our equipment would react the same way. None of the equipment went off, even when I grabbed my phone and walked around the space. I played a few more songs and still, nothing. No reaction like that.

Example: Melissa Elliott at the Cabin on 360

One of the darker places I’ve been to is the Elliott House next door to the Cabin on 360. The locations are owned by the same person, and sit just feet away from each other. It should be noted that I don’t call the Elliott House dark because of demonic entities or anything like that. It’s because it was the site of a brutal murder. If you want to learn more about the Elliott House, and Melissa Elliott, here’s some more information.

Melissa Carol Elliott was just 12 years old when she was raped and murdered by her half-brother in 1979. Just being in the house and knowing what happened within its walls is enough to give me bad feelings about the place. Knowing this, it made it hard to remove my bias. Also, it’s been said that there is a dark entity in the house.

When my team and I investigated the house, we went into Melissa’s bedroom and set up a few recording devices. I wanted to make sure to focus on things that a pre-teen girl would have liked or been interested in during the late 1970s. If Melissa was still a present entity in the house, I’m pretty sure the last thing she would want to talk about is the end of her life and likely the worst day of her life. But also, avoiding the traumatic topic could give us an opportunity to communicate with other spirits in the house, if there were any.

Shifting Gears

Immediately, I noticed that there wasn’t much response when my other two male members were asking questions. Keeping the nature of Melissa’s death in mind, plus being a 12-year old girl, she may not be comfortable around older males. Pulling out the Osmonds, David Cassidy, and other pop culture icons, it seemed we were getting some responses on our equipment. 

There was a moment where it looked like there was light shining on me for a brief second. I thought one of my team members shined their flashlight on me. My team member thought my Fitbit went off. The only thing that made me hesitant about declaring it my Fitbit was that my little watch will stay illuminated for several seconds, not a brief moment. It wasn’t headlights from the outside either.

Why Avoid Using Trauma

There’s a multitude of reasons to avoid using trauma in spirit communication. To be fully candid, using trauma as the first tactic to get a response is a cheap tactic. I even find skeptics using trauma to also try to elicit a response, which is puzzling. It’s like, “I don’t believe you exist but I’m going to exploit your trauma anyway.” Some of the best skeptics who investigate still respect the space and the people who once lived there.

By avoiding the use of trauma, you earn trust not only with the potential spirit you’re trying to communicate with, but also with the group in your company. I think we often forget that if we use trauma to elicit a response, we risk upsetting our fellow investigators who may have a personal connection with similar trauma. 

When we use trauma, it’s often a very generic approach with broad questions that don’t go any deeper. Also, using trauma right away forces the investigator to go in with a certain bias. They may assume that the house being haunted is haunted by the spirits tied to specific history and so they laser point on that traumatic event. Meanwhile, they miss out on meaningful communication with an entity that’s either not tied to that specific history, or they don’t want to talk about it.

So What Should We Talk About?

For the socially awkward like myself, coming up with topics to talk about with spirits can be tricky. I can’t even do small talk with the living so how can I talk to the dead? I’ve learned a lot about social interactions from paranormal investigating, especially from the examples above.

It also should be said that not every topic will be “trauma free” for everyone. Like, talking about someone’s child to one person may cause heartache and grief to someone else who may have lost children or weren’t able to have their own.

Here’s some things to talk to ghosts/spirits about:

1. What brings them joy
2. Their daily lives
3. What the space looks like to them
4. Who is around them at that moment
5. Favorite foods and treats
6. Entertainment they may have liked (books, music, movies, television)
7. Recipes
8. Games

Here are a few more topics to explore, but may have trauma associated with them:

1. Religion (favorite hymns, Bible verses, etc.)
2. Were they in love?
3. Did they have children?

In reality, any point mentioned could bring up trauma. But in this case, the intention is different. Without diving too deep into intent vs. impact, there is a difference between going into a space with the intention of using trauma to provoke a spirit and trying to talk a spirit about something that may have made them happy and you upset them by accident.

This list is just a starting point. What’s great about this list is that you can keep it generic enough to help you pinpoint the historical and societal context of the entity you’re talking to. I like to call this method, “Start Big, Go Small.” Start with a broader topic, and use the responses to get more granular to help pinpoint the person you’re talking to and where they’re from.

Final Thoughts

We don’t need to provoke or say upsetting things during a paranormal investigation in order to get a response. If anything, we could get even better data and evidence by not going the route of provocation.

I see a shift happening in the paranormal investigation community where we are veering away from using trauma as a talking point. This makes me very optimistic for the future of the paranormal. Unfortunately, paranormal media has yet to catch up. It continues to default to trauma as a way to get a response from spirits. Not all television shows are like this (shout out to “Kindred Spirits”), but most of them do this. It’s not terribly surprising since the focus of most TV shows is to get that spooky evidence and then move on to the next location, leaving a mess of shattered feelings and trauma behind.