cemetery - The Spooky Stuff by Alex Matsuo

Cemeteries are one of my favorite things in the world. If I see a cemetery off the road, especially a small one with a few headstones, I will pull over and investigate. For years, I’ve found myself drawn to cemeteries in such a way that they are now a regular thing I explore.

Many people will shy away from cemeteries because it reminds them of the inevitable, which is fair. Even though I’m so weary of death, visiting a cemetery makes it less intimidating for me.

Also, I have this weird worry about being forgotten. I also worry about my loved ones and friends being forgotten. So, visiting a cemetery gives me a chance to meet new people, except these new people are long gone.

In case you’re interested in visiting a cemetery, especially around October, here is a list of 10 things you can do in a cemetery, as well as 10 things you should NOT do!

10 Amazing Things You Can Do!

Say Their Name

I truly believe that when you say someone’s name, you give it power and you breathe new life into their story and existence. As you walk around the cemetery, say the names you see. Each of those names belongs to someone who once lived a life just like yours. They had family, friends, hobbies, stresses…the list goes on. Acknowledge their life.

Stargaze

Only do this if the cemetery or park is open after dark. I know quite a few cemeteries that will have stargazing events, which is amazing! There is something special about stargazing in a cemetery. It’s just you, the stars, and the dead. There’s something about being in the stillness and the quiet of a cemetery. But its’ a whole other level to be looking at the stars and constellation at the same time. It reminds us that, even though we might be very small, we are still connected to the universe and we’re made of stars.

Take Photos

Cemetery photography can be some of the most beautiful works of art you’ll ever see. The grounds of the cemetery are also extraordinarily beautiful. But this category does come with its own do’s and don’t’s. Some memorial parks consider it an invasion of privacy to take photos of headstones that aren’t associated with you. Whenever possible, try to hide the names inscribed on the headstones. And finally, don’t take photos of funeral services, mourners, and other visitors.

Historical and Genealogical Research

I try to find the oldest grave in the cemetery, that’s usually where I will begin as I start exploring. I also try to do as much research as possible on the cemetery so I understand the context. Thankfully, the internet and resources like FindaGrave.com have created amazing databases on even the smallest of cemeteries.

Have a Picnic

This is a tradition I wish would be resurrected. In the 19th century, people would picnic and enjoy their snacks in cemeteries. Back then, there wasn’t a multitude of parks or recreational areas, so cemeteries became the go-to place to picnic, take walks, and more. Also, given the time period, children often died young, and family members died more rapidly. So, picnicking in a cemetery gave family members a chance to spend time with their lost loved ones.

Take a Walk, Run, Exercise

While picnics may have fallen out of style, people still find cemeteries a great place to walk, run, and other exercises. Cemeteries are quiet, peaceful, and relatively safe. While I was visiting Oakland Cemetery in Atlanta, there were a lot of joggers, and I just loved that. In Gettysburg, there are plenty of folks jogging throughout the battlefield, which one can argue is one massive cemetery. Some cemeteries may even let you take your dog with you, so check first before making the trek with your pooch. And clean up after them!

Headstone Rubbing (With Permission)

Definitely check in with the cemetery first to make sure this is allowed since it can compromise the integrity of the stone. Also, make sure you know why you want to do a headstone rubbing. If you’re just looking for information, then contacting the staff at the cemetery will be helpful in obtaining it. Personally, I have done this quite a few times with old headstones that I couldn’t read anymore, and the names were not legible. If the cemetery has been abandoned, I’m extremely careful when I do any rubbing because I don’t want to cause more damage. It was likely unraveling a mystery. Also, there are people who have made beautiful works of art from headstone rubbings.

But, if you’re not related to the deceased, or don’t have a connection with them, then a headstone rubbing could also be seen as disrespectful. Also, don’t ever use shaving cream, as it will damage the stone.

Lay Flowers

I love laying flowers at different headstones that look like they haven’t had visitors in a while. It’s a beautiful gesture and I would love to see it done more often. Last year, I participated in my first Wreaths Across America where we laid wreaths on the graves of our veterans and fallen soldiers. Keep in mind, try to avoid laying fake flowers. Often, mowers are coming around the area, and it creates a hassle for them if they have to deal with fabric or plastic flowers.

Drive Your Car (As Space Allows)

Most modern cemeteries these days are drivable. It’s very convenient and it lets you cover more ground. Evergreen Cemetery in Gettysburg is a great one to drive around, as you can get a front-row seat to Jennie Wade’s grave and other prominent citizens from the town.

You would think this was common sense, but this happens more often than not. I’ve had to dodge plenty of cars in cemeteries because they were speeding around the corners. I’ve also seen cars literally drive over graves in order to find a good parking spot. Please PLEASE don’t do this!

Clean Up Graves

This is a process, not a one-task job. You can clean up debris around a headstone by clearing leaves, tree branches, and picking up trash. If the headstone looks unstable, don’t touch it. If there’s a headstone that needs more cleaning, there are countless tutorials that will teach you how to do it.

Here Are 10 Things You Should NOT Do!

Get Intimate

This happens…a lot. Maybe the cemetery vibe or the whole “death is inevitable” vibe gets people in the mood. But there have been a number of times I’ve accidentally stumbled onto a couple…in broad daylight…getting frisky in a cemetery. I’m sure Ghost Alex will be amused by it in the afterlife. But, heavy petting and PDA in a cemetery is seen as disrespectful and tacky.

Interrupt Funeral Services

Believe it or not, I’ve witnessed this at a funeral I was attending. We were on cemetery grounds as the body was being lowered into the ground, and this family walked right in between the grave and the tent full of mourners. The dad sheepishly lifted his hand and mouthed the word, “Sorry.” Um. No. This isn’t okay. Mourners need a safe place to grieve and worrying whether someone will interrupt their loved one’s service should be the last thing on their minds.

Sit, Lean, or Lay on the Headstones

To put it simply; it’s not respectful. It’s similar to putting your shoes on someone’s coffee table without asking. Bouncing off from taking photos, I’ve seen photographers use cemeteries as backdrops for photoshoots with models. However, I then see models laying on headstones, or even standing on crypts. Please don’t do this. It doesn’t matter if the grave is 200 years old. It’s still a person who deserves respect. Passage of time doesn’t make them less human.

Walk or Stand on Top of the Graves

I will be the first to admit that this one can be tough, especially if there’s a specific grave you want to see and the plots are close together. But it’s still considered disrespectful to walk or stand on top of graves. I know, I know, the person in the ground likely doesn’t care. However, if the person died in the past few decades, chances are that they still have family members coming to visit them. If I ever find myself stepping on a grave, I literally tiptoe and say “Sorry” over and over…like they can hear me. Anyway, try to avoid it as much as you can.

Be Noisy

A cemetery isn’t the place to be blasting Van Halen or Taylor Swift. It’s also not the place to be screaming and yelling. This is a tough one, especially if there are children around. I remember I didn’t go to my first cemetery until I was about seven years old, and that was to visit my Grandpa, who was in a mausoleum. But before we went to visit, my mom and grandma made it very clear about my behavior during the visit. I’ve seen many people state that if a child can’t handle being in a cemetery, don’t take them until their old enough.

Talk to Other Cemetery Visitors

If Southerners can avoid this, so can you! Smiling and nodding as you pass each other is fine. If the other person says hi or wants to talk, even better. Definitely read the room…or the cemetery…in this case. It can be hard to not say hello or have some small talk banter with fellow cemetery visitors but don’t do it if the other person isn’t wanting to talk. Most people are at a cemetery to grieve, and they may not be in the right headspace to do it. If someone is clearly in a cadence of praying, talking to their loved ones, etc., let them be.

Lay Stuffed Animals

This is a common practice; leaving toys and stuffed animals on the graves of babies and children. But, stuffed animals will start looking really gross as days go by and they deal with the elements. Groundskeeping has to deal with it, and it is often a mess. They will try to put the stuffed animal on the headstone, mow, and replace it, which is nice. But it’s still an extra step for them. Plus, they get gross.

Take Souvenirs

Whether it’s flowers, toys, broken stone, or even human remains, leave it in the cemetery. We’re way past the times of grave robbing. A cemetery isn’t a massive gift shop.

Leave Breakable Items

Too often, people will leave plastic, ceramic, or glass items on a headstone. While the gesture is lovely, they eventually break. Not only will groundskeeping have to take care of it, but a broken piece could be missed. Then, worst-case scenario, it harms the animals or a child finds it and cuts themselves.

Forget Your Local Cemetery

Keep visiting your local cemetery! Cemeteries are a place not only for mourning but for celebration and community. Attend community events at your local cemetery, volunteer for cemetery cleanups, and share their content on social media. Bringing awareness to death and cemeteries will help dispel the taboo and calm the heebie-jeebies people get when they hear the word, “cemetery.”

What do’s and don’t’s would you add to this list? Let me know in the comments below!

I love cemeteries. Not in a spooky sort of way, but instead I find them a fascinating place. As you walk the grounds of a cemetery, there are hundreds of people beneath your feet. These people used to be mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, cousins, husbands, wives, and friends. They each have a story of their own to tell, and many of their stories have been whisked away by the cruelty of time.

9143404285_f8cc639a96 — Grave marker in the road at El Campo Santa cemetery in Old Town San Diego.

When I go to a cemetery, I’m pretty solemn. I take time to look and pay my respects to as many people as I can. Why? For they have embarked upon a journey that I am so nervous about; death. As we know, death is imminent. It’s going to happen to all of us, but we don’t know when or how it will come to us. Perhaps it will be a car accident, or a bout with a serious illness. Who knows?

Death not only makes me uneasy, but becoming anonymous in time also makes me nervous. I’m already well aware of how insignificant I am in comparison to this vast universe, but I still want my story to be known after I’m gone. I’m sure the people interred and buried in the cemeteries probably had similar thoughts while they were alive. And yet, here they are, with their names on headstones with few words to tell their story.

Different cultures view cemeteries in their own way, and I find it beautiful. In some places, you’ll find people having picnics and letting their kids play among the headstones. In other places, you’ll find people in mourning and solemn. Both are okay.

One of my favorite places in San Diego was Pioneer Park. There, you’ll see a clump of headstones in the back corner of the park, along with some suspicious sinkholes throughout the lawn. In classic “Poltergeist” dramatics, they moved the headstones but not the bodies. In Old Town San Diego, the El Campo Santo Cemetery is one of the oldest in the city, and it was shrunken down when the road was developed. This meant they paved over the bodies. All that is left to mark where the bodies lie are spikes in the pavement and sidewalk.

So where does that put us in the timeline of the human race? Are we destined to be remembered for the first 50-100 years of our life, and then doomed to be paved over with a road above us with a simple spike to mark our location, or even have our tombstones moved and our final resting place turned into a park. But by the time that happens, our immediate family and even a generation or two of descendants might not even care. We will probably stop caring at the moment of our last breath because, hey, we’re dead. If consciousness doesn’t survive, then that’s it. We’re just a body. If our consciousness survives and we indeed have an afterlife, will this bother us?

After moving to Raleigh, NC and having southern cemeteries more accessible to me, I found a world of difference in how this part of the United States deals with death. For example, Oakwood Cemetery is massive. Then there is City Cemetery and Mount Hope Cemetery, all created to help deal with the growing numbers of bodies, and to give people a final resting place who weren’t treated well or respected in life. The design is quite beautiful and dramatic, and something I hadn’t encountered in the cemeteries in California where your final resting place might be a sacrifice to urban development.

As a paranormal investigator, I find cemeteries to be really quiet, and not at all very haunted. If you were a ghost, would you want to stick around your final resting place, or would you want to go out and explore the world, maybe even scare the bejesus out of a few people? When I take people on tours, I try to uphold cemetery etiquette as best I can and keep everything as respectful as one can be. At the end of the day, we still have to respect people regardless of whether they are alive or dead. It means being discreet if you want to try spirit communication, not messing with the tombs or headstones, moving flowers, screaming, yelling, drinking, debauchery, etc.

Whatever adventure lies ahead of us after our time of living has completed, I hope it’s as peaceful as cemeteries make it seem.

Tag: cemetery

10 Amazing Things You Can Do in a Cemetery