Author: Alex Matsuo

Something Has to Change

Alex Matsuo

“In the event you hear gunshots, get down low and cover your head.  Tell your students if they hear loud noises, they need to cover their heads and run.  I’ll escort you to the other side of the campus.  I don’t want to alarm the parents, but…in the event I get shot and you hear gunfire, you may be in a hostage situation.  Don’t be a hero and you need to comply with the gunman.  Make the children walk in the front and be in the back so that if there is a hostage situation, the children will be as far from the situation as possible.  Now when we walk onto the pathway, you will see men holding their guns at gunpoint.  The gunman is in sight.  Tell the kids to only look forward.”

Something you never want to hear from a cop.

This was what the police officer told me on June 23rd, 2011 when the school I was teaching at was in lockdown due to a gunman on the premises.  As luck would have it, the stand-off was happening around the corner from my classroom.  This lockdown never made it on the news.  In fact, this one experience was one of many lockdowns I’ve had to be part of because of someone was on the premises with a gun with the intention to harm. And that is just from me, as one person.  How many gun-related lockdowns happen everyday that don’t make it onto the news?  The tragic case of Newtown, CT is not only heartbreaking, but also devastating and jarring for me as an educator in the public and private school system.

The tragedy in Newtown reminded me of my vulnerability.  As the last day of classes took place yesterday before winter vacation, we had hundreds of parents on campus.  And all I could think of was how vulnerable I am and how easy it could be for someone to come into the room I was in and open fire…with no way to defend myself.  Even though I’m only a teaching artist, I interact with about 100 kindergartners, 100 first graders and 100 second graders. I see them one hour at a time, once a week, over a course of four days.  I’m on campus on a regular basis.  The kids yell, “Hi Miss Alex!” when they see me.  I see many toothless smiles several times a week and I received enough hugs each day that should make me immune to nearly every sickness out there.  I can’t help but get connected to my students. I’ve seen them grow and flourish over the last few months.  And this is my third go around in this job, counting the two semesters from last year.  Then in the summer, I work as a reading teacher.  While teaching wasn’t my chosen career, it has befallen me, and while it’s extremely difficult, it is probably one of the most rewarding professions out there.

Working as a teaching artist and helping teachers incorporate the arts into the curriculums has elevated my respect for teachers to the highest point.  Yet, they are underpaid and unappreciated.  You trust them to teach your children 6-8 hours a day, five days a week for nine months out of the year.

I’m very angry right now.  Yesterday was extremely upsetting and traumatic for everyone across the United States, and that is only speaking for those who weren’t even in Newtown, CT. What happened yesterday…was awful.  I’ve cried my tears, and still am.  I mourn for those sweet little children.  I looked at my kindergarteners and I couldn’t help but cry because these kids were the same age as them.  What is someone barged into my class and opened fire?  I looked at the photo of the class being led out and seeing those children in tears.  I think of the principle and the faces of all the principles I work with come to mind.  The same with the teachers.  I’ve been very fortunate to work with some amazing teachers and they really do this for the love of children.  Let’s face it, teaching has become a dangerous job.  I’ve been punched, kicked, spat on by unruly kids.  I’ve been yelled at by parents.  And that’s just for me.  I can only imagine what the full-time teachers deal with.

What happened yesterday was a tragedy.  An awful tragedy.

The topic of mental illness and gun control is prominent right now.  As it should be.  But there are certain arguments that have my blood boiling.

Prepare for a rant.

Resistance to Gun Control:  Something has to change.  Obviously the system we have right now is not working.  Those who are yelling that their rights are being taken away if “guns are taken away from innocent people” are not seeing the bigger picture.  There is something not working, and I can’t even fathom that people cannot see that!  Obviously there needs to be tighter gun restrictions because psychotic nut jobs are gaining easy access to guns.  And why the hell does a civilian need a sniper rifle or an assault rifle for the damn gun collection?  I know people who aren’t really right in the head anyway who own guns and I wouldn’t trust them with a gun because they have expressed too much ease in pointing a gun and shooting a friend or ex-girlfriend and they call it protecting themselves.  Why is it that it’s harder to get health care than it is to obtain a gun?  And how many civilian gun owners have misfired?  How many of them try to defend themselves only to accidentally shoot an innocent bystander?  Hm.  The numbers are startling.  I’ve looked into the gun control laws of other countries, and they’re much tighter than the US and they don’t nearly have as many tragedies as we do.  They say “guns don’t kill people, people kill people”, etc.  Yeah, well, yarn doesn’t become a sweater by itself.  And guns don’t kill people unless it is being held by someone.  Yes, the man in China stabbed about 20 children on the same day, but those children will survive.  They will get to go home soon.

My last thought on gun-control that will segue into my next point.  I’ve seen it floating around that teachers need to start carrying guns.  One, I shouldn’t have to carry a firearm, but I realize that will probably be in the future in my teaching career.  But let me ask you this; when a gunman points a gun at my students, how the hell am I supposed to wrangle 25-30 terrified students ranging from 5-9 years old into a corner while defending myself with a firearm?  It’s not realistic.  And why is that?  Good ole budget cuts.

Higher Security in Schools:  This is a good idea, and it’s needed.  But, I ask you, especially my right-wing conservative friends who constantly vote against money for schools, where the hell is the money supposed to come from?  You don’t want it to come from the taxpayers, and yet, you don’t want it to come from the taxes of the wealthy.  And forget pulling our troops from the middle east and saving some money.  Hang on while I pull the imaginary money out of my butt.  Because of these budget cuts nationwide, teachers are being laid off and the classrooms are bigger than ever, staff is shorthanded to the point where most schools only have one security guard for a school of over 1000.  I actually had a friend from my old church look me in the eyes and tell me that teachers should have to go through more pay cuts and if they don’t want to teach, then they don’t have to.  Really?  How disrespectful and thoughtless can this person be?  This is exactly why the public education system is suffering so much.  This is why the quality of teachers is declining.  How passionate can you be to teach if you’re making little to nothing and have to work second and third jobs to make ends meet?  And don’t try to blame this on Obamacare.  There has been flaws in the budget system for a long time now.  And the government has no problem bailing out car companies, but when is our education system going to get a bail out?

And the solution to this tragedy is to provide guns to teachers?  Okay, where’s the money going to come from to pay for this?  And where is the money going to come from to pay to train the teachers on how to use it?  And then where are they going to store the gun so that their students don’t get access to it?  It’s going to have to be stored in a safe and secure location.  Trigger lock? A safe?  Oh yes, when a gunman barges into my classroom, I’m sure he’ll be willing to wait while I unlock my gun from the safe or from the glass case. This is an honest question to a seemingly unrealistic suggestion.

Godless Society:  I don’t think anything infuriates me more than this explanation.  Because we have taken prayer and God out of schools, some higher power is taking it out on the children.  I don’t think this Godless society is to blame.  Last time I checked, the Pledge of Allegiance still has the words, “under God” included.  Students can still pray on their own and carry their Bibles as long as they’re discreet.  And I work in California, a very liberal state.  I see kids freely practicing their religion and it’s not just Christianity.  And when people say this tragedy because God was taken out of schools.  I call BS.  And are you implying that God is taking His anger out on innocent children because there is no longer any school sponsered prayer?  What about the boys who were molested by priests in the Church?  The place where God is probably most present and something awful like that happened there?  Where was God then?  If you say that God was absent, then the point of the physical structure of a Church is moot.

While religious organizations are spending millions of dollars for top-rate facilities and anti-marriage equality campaigns, they should take a moment and think.  What if you used that money and donated it to the local school district?  Obviously hold on to the money needed to run the facility, but do you need a light plot of strobes, various colors or gels, and other expensive lighting to make your worship service look like a rave?  No.  And you shouldn’t need much production value to perform a sermon.  How about everyone cuts back, and send some of that money to the local schools so that they can afford locks on their doors, hire more security, and more efficient safety equipment.

What Newtown has shown us, in the ugliest way possible, is that something has to change.  Something has got to give.  Obviously what we have going on right is not working.  We have to change something, or we are going to destroy ourselves.  As Ariel Durant said, “A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within.”

Something has to change.  The future of American depends on it.

Why I Buzzed Part of My Head

Alex Matsuo

A few weeks ago, I did something very daring.  I buzzed about a quarter of my head.  I did this a few weeks ago and I’m finally getting around to posting about it.  The day I got it done, I was being a bit of a tease by saying, “Shaving my head!”

Of course, after saying that, people were freaking out.  I got interesting responses and there were a few that surprised me.  Those who I thought would disapprove were cheering me on, while others who I thought wouldn’t care or would be somewhat supportive, were aghast.  I sort of felt like a troll in the end when I only shaved a part of my head, but it’s still a major change.

I’ve always been known for my full head of hair and my hair color.  Because of the hair color thing, I’ve never dyed my hair, and the closest chemical that my hair has been exposed to is a shine treatment that I got for myself for graduation.

So on that note, my abilities to do anything really crazy with my hair have always been limited.  My mother wouldn’t even let me do the colored hairspray when I was a kid in fear that I would damage my hair color.  Same thing went for temporary hair dye.  Never been able to do it.  Do I feel like I’m missing out on something by never dying my hair?  Eh…sometimes.  I get jealous of those who can dye their hair black with bold colors like pink or blue as highlights.  I guess that tells you what kind of style I’m into.

But anyway, when I told my mother that I wanted to shave a part of my head, she looked at me and just simply asked, “Why?”  And for the first time, I was able to give an answer that made sense and was logical almost immediately.  I said, “Because it’s something I want to do for me.”

This was something that I wanted to do for myself.  So often I watched other people do this same hairstyle and I always thought about how cool that looked.  It was so edgy, and it was a statement of self-independence and not caring about what others think.  And on the plus side, it would be easy to hide at work since all I need to do is flip the hair over.

But I’m also aware of what people may think of me with part of my hair gone.  They will probably see me as a punk, a hippie, a crazy kid, unprofessional, doesn’t give a f*ck about what society thinks of me (partially true), and maybe a crazy hooligan.  But they only see me for a moment.  They don’t see me as my friends and family see me.  They don’t see the person with the full-time job and a Master’s degree.  But you know what? That’s okay.

Living with the haircut for two weeks now has taught me a lot about myself.  For one, I feel like I’m myself.  I feel like I’ve finally fallen into my own element and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I know myself.  I feel so much more confident and happy with my appearance.  Not to mention, maintenance is so much easier and my head and neck don’t get quite as hot and greasy like they used to.  And straightening my hair only takes a fraction of the time it used to.  This is something that I’m so glad I did and I’ll hang on to this haircut for a while.  I might even buzz more off now that I know this is something I like.  This was a huge step for me, because I really was afraid that it would look terrible, but in the end, I love it.

Take risks.  Risk failure.  If you fail, you fail.  But you’ll never know unless you try.

Haters Gonna Hate

Alex Matsuo

This has been a strange week.

My week started with the most incredible high.  But with every high, I suppose the universe needed to balance me out.

This week, I’ve dealt with a lot of…haters.  This sounds so egotistical of me, and I really don’t want to mean it like it’s sounding.  But I’ve been dealing with a lot of haters who’ve held nothing back in calling me out.  It’s new to me.  Well, at least in large numbers.  Actually, it’s just new-ish.  I know the reason why I’m dealing with it, it’s because of my associations with a particular group of people.  People tell me it’s because “such-n-such” is jealous, blah, blah, blah.  I’ve always been pretty good at distancing myself from people I anticipate I may not get along with, or I detect that they may be jerks.  But there’s always a few that sneak in.

In my “normal” life, I get along with everyone.  Even if I’m not fond of someone, or someone isn’t fond of me, there’s still mutual respect.  The community I associate with at home is wonderful.  It’s professional, supportive, and we all have a degree of respect for each other.  Then I go home and join my “other life” and it seems to be the polar opposite.  While I love the work I get to do with this group, sometimes dealing with people who don’t like me can wear on my mind.  I don’t care if people like me or not, it’s figuring out how to respond when they make it extremely clear and make sure that you know they don’t like you.  And I feel that because of my associations, and the fact I’m not able to verbally bitchslap people the way I used to, these people are taking advantage of that and basically think they can take a dump on my desk and get away with it.

There are two groups.  The first group contains people that I’m not emotionally connected to, and they don’t hold back in making complete asses of themselves and target you for making lighthearted commentary on something as simple as a Facebook status.  Those don’t get to me as much as they amuse me for the most part.

I was told to not ever write about it because it would show the “haters” that they got to me.  But to be perfectly honest…the second group gets to me sometimes.  Especially when it’s someone who you had tremendous respect for, and you get accused of something that you didn’t do, and they don’t give you any help or time of day to explain to you what exactly you did wrong.  It’s hard.  And as much as I wanted to investigate, I have to accept that fact that if the other person really gave a shit about me, they would’ve told me what was going on.  Instead of one day, we’re friends, and the next day, I’m gone from a friends list.  Majority of people in my life know that the one thing I cannot stand is being accused of something that I didn’t do.  I own up to my mistakes, but when I don’t know what I’m supposed to own up to, and therefore rejected for doing something that I’ve never been made privy to, it hurts.  A lot.  I can only cry and mourn over the loss of the friendship for so long before I can wash my hands of the issue and simply move on with my life.  While I know things that were told to me that supposedly came from my former friend in question, I decided to hold it in.  I tend to try to let rumors and gossip die with me.  I hate bringing up unnecessary drama, especially if it only upsets the person.

I mean…look at it this way:

“Hey Alan, I heard from Brad that he heard from Chris that you were telling him about this one thing that I said…” See where things can get lost?  Would it be worth to upset Alan like that when the rumors are coming from second, third and fourth parties?

So dealing with haters.  Dealing with rumors.  Dealing with gossip.  I have to learn how to let it go.  I also need to come to terms with letting go the friendships that have ended.  I have turned into a person that doesn’t trust anyone, except maybe a few close friends.  It stinks, and I’ve become quite cynical of people and their intentions of wanting to befriend me.  People are going to talk shit because you’re present.  They know who you are and for whatever reason they don’t like you, they’ll talk shit.  It’s the way of the game.  I was basically broken last week from the loss of a friendship that I treasured.  But what doesn’t break you, makes you stronger.

And while haters are going to hate, I’m going to enjoy life.  I’m going to wake up in the morning and take a big whiff of the successes I’ve achieved because I’ve worked my ass off to get them.  I’m no longer going to be ashamed or self-conscious of my accomplishments and apologize for being who I am because it offends someone.  Why does anyone have to be knocked down so that someone else can feel better?  Why even give that negative person acknowledgement?

So, I’m back.  I’m ready to dive back into life and take the bull by the horns.  And if you don’t like it, go ahead and try to knock me down a peg.  You’re only going to look like an ass.  Unfortunately now, I can’t care anymore.  I won’t acknowledge it anymore.  I’ve been reminded that life’s too short to focus on that or even give it a glance anymore.

To all the haters out there, thank you.

Thank you for making my backbone stronger than it ever has been in my life.

*Photo Credit: “Swimming in Broken Mirrors”, self-portrait by Caryn Drextal

My Legacy

Alex Matsuo

I’ve been thinking a lot about what makes me…well, me.

I’ve been thinking about how people’s perceptions of me differ from person to person.  I’ve always been one to confront directly as much as I can.  More often than not, whenever I do that, the other person doesn’t communicate and then the birdies chirp in my ear about all the horrible things that the other person has said about me.  What’s been hard for me is to forgive those who have hurt me in the past, especially if they didn’t ask for it.  But forgiveness is something that benefits both.  Living with hate in your heart only hurts yourself.  But as the ever-so-wise Dalai Lama said, it’s important to forgive but never forget.  If you forget the past hurts, then you risk repeating yourself.  So, in turn, I’ll forgive, but never forget, ya know?

I learned early on that if you have a problem with someone, it’s best to directly communicate with that person.  My friends and family and even those on the outside know that if they ever have an issue with me, my door is always open.  I learned from the best.  My mentor is the same way.  I’ve tried to live my life as he does and I try to look at life through his eyes.

I also have to accept that other people have very limited perceptions of me.  I’ve been accused of having the desire to rub elbows with certain famous people in a particular field I am in.  A part of me laughs and the other part makes me shake my head.  Being the entertainment business for so long, I’ve had the privilege of working with people who have high acclaim in the industry, and I’ve also been honored to see my own peers rise up to stardom and fame on their own.  “Rubbing elbows” with well-known people is part of my job.  It’s part of the job of my friends and peers.  It’s a part of my life.  There’s nothing to brag about because I’m not special or exclusive like that.

But if I did have the option to become famous…there’s only one department I want to acclaim fame in, and that would be the theatre.  Either an award-winning producer, playwright, director, or actress.  It’s a tall dream.  It’s a dream that has a long road ahead of me.  But hey, if I become a well-known Shakespearean actress, awesome.  But I don’t desire fame, never cared for it.  I’ve seen what it does to my friends who have become…known.  I’ve seen the transition from local, unknown friend to now everyone knows their name.  Some take it in stride, some don’t.

Maybe this is a poor way to express myself.  But you know what, I’m human.  I can be affected by negativity as much as the next person.  I’ve dealt with gossip about me before and I’ll do it again.  Like I said, I appreciate it if someone just tells me directly that I’m a conviving bitch rather than tell everyone else about it and leaving me in the dark.  If anything, that speaks more volumes about that person’s character than any kind of bad talking they can spew.

The best way to respond to hate is with love.  It’s not going to be easy, and it will be a learning process.  But I’ve learned that the only way to combat negativity and hate is with love.  No need to add fuel to the fire.  But also be aware that sometimes I may not feel like fighting back at all, and moving on and forgetting is a much better option.  I suppose it all depends on how much I want that person to remain in my life, or whether I’ll be running into them again in the future.

But anyway, this post is about my legacy right?  I work with kids and teach them theatre to pay the big bills while acting, writing, dramaturgy, etc. help supplement the rest of my income.  I’m truly blessed to be able to do what I love 24/7.  But working with kids isn’t for everyone.  They drain my life energy.  But there’s a reason why I always get a little weepy every time I’ve had to say goodbye at the end of each term.  I get attached to those little buggers.  Every time a parent approaches me and tells me how much their child has changed positively since they met me, I’m so proud of the child.  I was just a coach, a cheerleader, a helper.  Even with the kids or teens who meet me with tension and animosity, given some time, the walls break down eventually.  I don’t mind if the only memory these kids have of me is “Miss Alex was a crazy chick who taught me drama and who made me laugh.”  I’ve seen the growth in kids and teens from their exposure to the arts that has moved me to tears.

I don’t want fame to be my legacy.  I want to be able to leave a mark on people as a positive person who has helped people.  The reason I love working with kids and teens so much is because I’ve been given a wonderful privilege of changing their lives and making a positive impact on them.  For some kids, I may be the only person who accepts their hugs or their drawings.  I might be the only person to praise them for a job well done.  This translates to teenage life and adult life.  You may be the only person who has given someone a lending ear for their problems.  You may be the only person who has ever shown a person love instead of disgust.  If you want to leave a positive legacy, it starts with you.

You have the ability to change the world and leave a powerful legacy for yourself.

Now, I ask you this:  What kind of legacy do you want to leave?  How do you want people to remember you?

Leave a comment and share if you’d lie.  🙂

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KEe-dA3a4M]

Where Do Ideas Come From?

Alex Matsuo

Here we are almost half way done with August.  How is it that summer is almost over?  I haven’t posted in quite some time mainly due to the fact that I’ve gotten extremely busy in the last few months unexpectedly.  Busy is good.  Very good.

I’ve been pondering the idea of…well, ideas.  I’ve been thinking about the origin of ideas lately and wondering where the most brilliant ones come from.  I tend to find inspiration from brainstorming with my friends and colleagues.  I also find inspiration in nature and people watching.  People watching truly is fascinating if you want to learn about mankind.  There are so many different people, and each individual human being has their own expanded story waiting to be told.  There are so many dynamics and different levels of energy out there in the world.

I was also talking to a few other people and we discussed how drugs may have had a lot to do with some of the more brilliant ideas.  Can we only achieve genius with outside influences?  Do they unlock a part of our brain that is untapped when we’re sober?

This is a short blog, but I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions as to where ideas come from.

The Poetic Nature of Prayer

Alex Matsuo

I grew up very religious.  Prayer was a daily routine that happened several times a day.  I went to church multiple times a week, had my Bible glued to my hip, sang worship songs, and joined numerous ministries in the process.  But about three years ago, I stopped going to church.  I lost my faith in God.  I thought I had faith; I prayed, was in ministry, etc.  People talked about the love of God.  I never experienced that “power” or that thing that moved people to tears.  I experienced the love of friendship, love of family, the love of strangers.  But I didn’t feel that supernatural love of God that I watched people experience in church.  Perhaps at that time, my perspective was extremely limited and skewed because I was young and rather ignorant.  Then an event happened in my life where I had had it.  I was being dealt a lot of bad cards in the last few years, and watched people I love get persecuted, and then finally I threw my Bible down and said, “Screw it.”

Ironically, I’ve been much happier since I walked away from the church.  I’ve met more interesting people than I ever imagined meeting.  I’ve learned about different religions and the different beliefs in God really fascinate me.  While I consider myself a Christian, because I still believe in Jesus and His love, I’ve found myself wandering trying to find God.  Trying to find this higher power that people are so touched by.

But when was the last time I prayed to talk to God?  It’s been a while.  I have become someone who has decided to make things happen for herself because faith isn’t enough.  And I’ve been more productive since having that change of mindset.  I don’t want to say that I’ve been disappointed in the God that I’ve grown up with, but in truth, I really am.  And I’m specifying the God that I’ve grown up with.  It seemed that God blessed everyone else with these wonderful things but left me with disappointment.  And being told that there was something wrong with me being the reason why I wasn’t “blessed” this same way really hurt.  I was always told to pray when I needed something or when I needed help or guidance in a tough situation, but was always left with silence and finding myself going to actual people for advice and help.  I suppose the hardcore Christian will tell me that it was God’s way of getting me the help I needed.  But then how much does God depend on our personal responsibility?

But sometimes, there are problems and battles bigger than yourself.  I’ve had my run of personal issues, accidents, medical problems, etc. but I never prayed for my survival, nor did I pray to get through the time.  I surrounded myself with loved ones, kept myself busy, did things out of the ordinary.  But in the last six months, things have happened to people I care about.  And I’ve found myself helpless to do anything about it to fix it all and make go away or make it better.

A few weeks ago, I started praying for the first time in years.

It’s ironic.  I’m such a “do it myself” kind of person and I’ve taken some pride at the ability to get things done and to help others when needed.  I admit that.  Perhaps it’s because of the fact that I’ve almost died a few times that I want to “live life to the fullest.”  But with the situations that my loved ones are in, I’ve found myself praying because there’s nothing else I can do…I can’t bring out a magic wand and make things better, and I don’t have a time machine that will turn back time so I can prevent someone from going into another country that almost killed them.  It’s weird that after being so disappointed in faith and the idea of God, that’s what I’m turning to when I have nothing left to give.

It’s rather poetic really.

This is What Happens When I’m Tired

Alex Matsuo

I guess it’s time to admit that I’m tired.  I almost lost someone I love this weekend and I’m still trying to process and deal.  I haven’t gotten much sleep this weekend so it’s leaving me a lot of time to sit with my thoughts.

I’m tired not only physically but emotionally.  I suppose this was a bad time to decide to keep my personal life private because there is a lot going on.  A part of me feels that  if people knew what’s been going on in my life, they will understand why I’m being the way I am right now.  But I hate making excuses for myself.  I hate having to compromise my own work ethic.  Life gets in the way sometimes, or more importantly life needs to be a priority.  I hate the fact that I’ve let several of my friends down these last few years.  When it comes to friendships, I’m a huge flake; I’ve been missing many birthday parties, weddings, showers, etc.  I feel so guilty about it.  And I only have myself to blame.  I put so much on my plate that by the end of the day, I’m exhausted.  I fall asleep and slumber through my alarm.

I don’t really know where my head is at right now.  I was in a mode of transition but now it looks like the dust is settling.  The dust gets kicked up from time to time but I think where I’m at right now is going to be home for a while. I’m thrilled about where I am right now.  It’s just getting used to this life.  Last year was fairly lazy.  Working and roller derby dictated my life.  But now other elements have entered my life and I’m so happy and grateful for it.

But in this new place in life has meant that some people are starting to treat me differently than they used to.  They liked me before and were comfortable talking to me about anything and everything, but now they’re closed off.  Or, the more ironic one, they disliked me and now all of a sudden they want to be best friends.  People are funny.  It’s probably why I enjoy people watching.  And at this moment, I realize how much I miss my Grandma (don’t start crying in Starbucks, Alex).  My Grandma loved people watching.  She’s been gone for almost 12 years.

I’ve dealt with a lot of loss and disaster in my life.  Probably more than a person should.  I’ve lost many friends and loved ones over the course of my life to death.  Treasure the time you have with your loved ones because you never know when something might happen to them or…worse…they’re gone for good.

Dreams From 2008

Alex Matsuo

The following paper I wrote four years ago for my audition techniques class at SDSU.  It’s funny to read it today.

Hello, my name is Alex Matsuo and I am currently a junior at San Diego State University, where I am majoring in Theatre Arts-Performance Emphasis. I grew up acting in a group called Metropolitan Education Theatre Network, lead by Alex H. Urban. In the area of acting, I went to the British American Drama Academy in Oxford last summer and there I was immersed into a conservatory setting of acting techniques and learning Shakespeare and contemporary acting. Some of the guest teachers were residents at the Royal Shakespeare Company and I got to meet Alan Rickman, Jeremy Irons, Fiona Shaw, Julian Glover, Henry Goodman and Deborah Warner. Being in Oxford and being in that intense learning environment was the best experience I have ever had in my life. It also really solidified my dream and passion of being a professional actress and singer.

Where I am now is a transition stage, as I am getting ready to graduate. The way I would describe myself physically would be redhead and overweight. I’ve never dyed my hair or have put any chemicals in it before, so my hair is a virgin. I’m only about 5’5″.  And I’m proud to be an average height. I’m not short, but most of my friends are taller than me.

Vocally is an interesting topic. I have had some new discoveries in the past year. I didn’t know I had the ability to sing any soprano part until I started taking voice lessons again. I’ve always considered myself to be an alto and not much of a belter. But as my soprano voice has grown, the stronger my mix has become. I’m really excited to be able to sing more songs. Emotionally, I’m a happy person. I tend to not handle stress well and I’m a very moody person. I’m happy where I am emotionally once I took care of the baggage in my life and learned to deal with my problems instead of drowning in them. A goal I had in my mind was to put more comedy into my life and laugh more often and it has been working.

My hopes and big dreams would be to actually make it in the Broadway world and be able to make a comfortable living doing what I love to do, in the next 10-15 years. I would love to live in New York and be able to do a show such as “Hairspray” or something by Jason Robert Brown and have my whole world dedicated to my craft and not have to worry about taking a job in a Starbucks or a bookstore.  I want to finish school at SDSU and I want to go to graduate school at either ACT or UCSD in the next 5 years. I have a few other schools that are really up there such as Yale, NYU and UCLA. I really enjoy teaching and working with kids in a children’s theatre. I love watching them grow from the beginning of the rehearsal process to closing night. It’s really fascinating and a joy to watch the process and to see how many lives are changed because someone believed in them.

Between now and 10 years into the futures, I would like to get married and have a family.  I also want to do much more traveling within that time frame.  I love taking pictures and I dream of going to Europe and backpacking while taking pictures.  All in all, I want to have an interesting life.  I want to have an acting career and a family.  How I will manage to juggle that, I don’t know yet.  I’m sure I will figure it out and cross that bridge as it comes.  For now, I’m going to keep working and dreaming so that my hopes and dreams may become a reality someday.

Buffy Film vs. Buffy TV

Alex Matsuo

After being an avid viewer of the television series in my high school days, I was excited to venture into this project of comparing “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” in it’s two very different elements of the television series and the film.  The show’s creator, Joss Whedon, wrote the film.  But Whedon was not pleased with television producers making changes to the movie.  Whedon originally wanted the film to have the darker and more dramatic element (that we see now in the series) and it was turned into a film with over the top acting and outrageous effects and comedy.  There are notable differences between the film and the series, such as costumes, the character of Buffy and overall theme and feel of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”.

In the film, the vampires are pale, have pointy ears and have fangs.  They still look human, and they don’t have a reflection.  They fit more into the stereotypical look of a vampire from a cartoon.  In the series, the vampires change their faces when they get ready to fight and/or feed and look very demonic.  In the film, Merrick (the Watcher) is dressed in a trench coat and hat and would stand out in a crowd based on his outfit.  It’s very detective looking.  In the series, besides being British, Giles would blend into a crowd and doesn’t make much of a stir among other people and playing the role of a school librarian.

The character of Buffy differs as well.  Movie Buffy has skills in gymnastics and has really corny catch phrases that she says throughout the film.  TV Buffy is shown to have extraordinary strength.  Also, in the series, Buffy’s identity is known throughout the vampire community and she is trying to hide from being discovered.  It is already a known fact of who Buffy is and thus, they tend to avoid her.  But in the film, Merrick warns Buffy to keep her identity a secret in order to protect herself because the vampires will track her down.  In the film, there is also a note of the “mark of the slayer”, where it is not mentioned in the series.  Movie Buffy also experiences pain, or something similar to cramps when there is a vampire around her.  In the series, Buffy seems to have an intuition of who is undead and who isn’t.  In the film, Buffy is a senior in high school and in the series, Buffy is a freshman in high school.  The series mention the burning down of the gym at Hemery High School, but in the actual film, the gym is not seen being burnt down but instead filled with vampires.

Overall, besides having the same writer, the film and the television series are two completely different entities.  Joss Whedon was disappointed with the film and the way it turned out.  His vision for Buffy was better seen in his development of the television series, which took off five years later after the film came out.  Whedon was able to bring his true vision of Buffy to the public and it became a huge success, while the original film still collects dust in our movie shelves.