How Do You Want to Represent the Paranormal Field?

January 20, 2013 Alex Matsuo

Let me make this very clear:

I am not writing this as the director of the Association of Paranormal Study.

I am writing this as a member of the paranormal community, and I claim responsibility for my statements. If you disagree with anything, do not take it out on APS. You all can comment on this blog or email me. I’m fairly certain that those who disagree with me will investigate me, discredit me, etc. and that’s fine. Do what you will, and have fun. If my words offend you, please take a moment and think about why. Then put me on full blast. I’m ready for it. I will be respectful to you. Comments with bad language that don’t make any grammatical sense will not get a response.

I usually reserve this blog for my theatrical research and my life outside of the paranormal field. Since these are my words alone, and I want these words to have no association with any group I am a part of, I made the difficult decision to put it here. Does it mean that you’ll start seeing paranormal related posts on this website? No. At least not until I want to remain independent when it comes to an opinion and avoid hurting any of my associates.

The fact that I even have to do this is absurd, which leads me into the topic of this blog: How do you want to represent the paranormal field? This is an honest question. In what direction do you want to see the paranormal field head?

The first thing I need to hash out are the words paraunity, paracommunity, parafamily, and any other “para” play-on-words you can think of that basically means, “Hey, we are into the paranormal and we love each other because no one else understands us.” Ever since I “officially” joined this community, I’ve been given the speech about coming together as a community and how we all need to stick together. As fine and dandy as that it is, I don’t think everyone really knows what they want with “paraunity.” This term is used to define a sense of family, togetherness, and unification towards a common cause. We can all joke with ourselves and say paraunity exists, but in related it does not…at least not on a large scale. And it’s time that the paranormal community sits in the hot seat and goes on time out.

ORIGINS

I have been a researcher of the paranormal since I was a teenager. Even in the age of the Internet, I utilized my library and being an introvert whose too emotional, I took solace in books and being by myself. I didn’t intentionally avoid the paranormal community until I was in college. I even investigated by myself, taking what I learned in these books and putting it to action. I wanted to understand my own experiences and try to recreate them for validation. I did this by myself as a loner. I didn’t connect with any teams or reach out to anyone on the Internet. I was truly alone.

Now that I’m in my mid-late twenties and out of graduate school and officially an “adult”, I finally had time to get on the Internet and find out what was out there in terms of the paranormal. I joined a bunch of online groups and forums, started taking online webinars to help my own research and learn new things, and finally, network.

LESS RESEARCH, MORE DRAMA

As my journey as an outsider transitioned to an insider of the community, I started noticing truly disgusting things about the paranormal community; blatant lying, trash talking, faking evidence, and more. Was this really coming from the same people who promoted paraunity and parafamily? I was floored. Immediately, I became blacklisted by certain people for having different views or questioning things. You would have thought I robbed their house or beat up their child at school. And as I moved up the ranks in a well-known paranormal team, I discovered rumors being spread about me and why I got to where I was, and just plain lies. I saw colleagues and friends being publicly humiliated on Facebook and having lies being spread about them because they questioned evidence. I saw a widower publicly mocked and called a fraud for having his “feelings hurt” after his wife died and criticizing him because he wanted to start an organization about paranormal safety (that one still makes me sick to my stomach). I also saw those new to the field and not as well researched in the field get publicly blasted for posting bad evidence. I saw name-calling, swearing, and disrespect. It felt like I was on a bad reality TV show that made the Jersey Shore look like Emmy Award-winning entertainment.

And yet these are the same people calling for unity and wanting to further the field of the paranormal into a serious field.

I will be honest. I believe the idea of family and unity in the paranormal community is a myth. It’s something that people hide behind. The term gives people a false sense of security, as they confide with strangers about their paranormal experiences and disclosing intimate details about their personal lives, which that stranger can abuse in the future. It’s really pessimistic of me to think this, but I’ve had people in the community abuse my confidence. Now, there are people are really alone in their lives and they have no one else to talk to, and if they get lucky and find someone out there who can help them, great! These people that I just described are the victims. They are the innocent bystanders who watch this drama between the seasoned investigators and experts and they are the ones who decide they won’t deal with it and they leave. That is the biggest loss in the paranormal community. They are the ones who are the most heartbroken when things fall apart. I advise these people to be careful of who you talk to and how much information you disclose to strangers on the Internet. I’ve had people be completely nice to me to my face and then turn around and say the nastiest things about me. I’ve had people pretend to be my friend in attempts to get information out of me. I’ve had people blame me for their mistakes or literally, frame me. I’ve had people cut me off because of what someone else said to them about me. Sounds like something out of a daytime drama.

HOW DO YOU REPRESENT THE PARANORMAL?

There are many investigators who want the paranormal field to be respected by fellow researchers and scientists in the world. But let me ask you this, do you actions reflect your professionalism? When you rip someone apart on Facebook while using vulgar language, is that how YOU want to REPRESENT the paranormal community? It seems as though those who are more in the spotlight get attacked the most. Is that because of jealousy? Is it because they are more in the hot seat than other teams? I don’t know. And it’s not my place to speak for those people. But we need to look at our actions as paranormal investigators and decide, do my actions further this field or make it go backwards? Do the things I post on my team’s page show that I should be taken seriously as an investigator? And for those who are pursuing more exposure through radio, television, film, and online broadcasting, you have a bigger responsibility because you will be more accessible to the public eye. And do your actions reflect the field in a professional and positive light?

Also, the more exposure you get, you’re going to get criticized. Be prepared to deal with it and handle it with class and grace. As someone very wise once told me, “Don’t dish it if you can’t take it.” Playing victim doesn’t help your case either. If you are only producing defensive rants on your pages instead of quality paranormal research findings, you are not positively contributing to the field. When you are approached with criticism (constructive or…less constructive), how do you react? Your reactions dictate your maturity level and how open you are to criticism.

It seems as though certain investigators and teams seem to think that the only way that they can get credibility and fame is to rip apart another team. There are websites and Facebook pages out there dedicated to exposing frauds in the paranormal. The first image that came to mind was someone being condemned to the stocks in medieval times. Granted, there are teams out there intentionally faking their evidence, and they should be held accountable for their actions, and there are very qualified people out there to do it. But sometimes teams post bad evidence out of ignorance. It happens. They might be new to the field or exhaustion got the best of them. Do they deserve to be humiliated and embarrassed? No. In those cases, any hope of a learning experience or a teachable moment is gone. There are ways to expose fraud in the paranormal with your reputation in tact and making it a teachable moment. It requires a little extra research and actually talking to the guilty team, but are you willing to put out that energy?

But then, as I looked at these sites and groups, I noticed that they are starting to attack groups for holding events, making films, or just even existing. I was astonished. Bt the worst part was, they are using such poor grammar and language. Call me a prude, but I take a lot of value and highly respect someone who can express their case with classy language. Calling people “fucktards”, “tards”, “assholes”, “douchebags”, “motherfuckers”, doesn’t impress me, and I’m sure it doesn’t impress others. Again, this all goes back to how YOU want to REPRESENT the paranormal field.

Also, these sites are calling for people to call the attorney general, the police department, etc. Okay, if there’s no real fraud happening and you don’t have hardcore confirmation, please don’t waste taxpayer money. Witness testimony is flawed. People lie, embellish and exaggerate on purpose. Memory is unreliable. And to be honest, it’s easy to part a fool from their money. There. I said it. If someone is willing to pay a psychic $500 to tell them the things they already know. Fine. If someone is willing to use a team that charges to investigate. Fine. It’s going to happen, and we all need to get over it. I don’t like it as much as the next person. But I’ve found that calling people out only creates animosity, hurt, and anger, and it doesn’t do anything to create a solution. You know what you can do to combat this. Promote the fact that there are teams who don’t charge.

MORE RESEARCH, LESS DRAMA

Why spotlight the negativity and the frauds? Why is there no [popular] place to praise and showcase the investigators and teams who are doing great things to further the field? Why is the negative getting all of the attention? The best thing you can do to the people you believe to be frauds is not call any attention to them and let them be forgotten. Let the legacy of those who are making positive contributions get the glory and the attention and let them get the immortality.

Also, let’s face it, next to photography; paranormal investigation is probably one of the most expensive hobbies out there. Unless you have a TV show, a book, etc. that is making you income. But for the majority, this is a hobby for many; a hobby that people work their jobs to support, a hobby that people must be really passionate about. It’s actually more than a hobby; it’s a way of life. So why are we wasting our time promoting the negative, the fakes, while using cursing to try to get our point across? Why can’t we all just get along? Live and let live. Leave the other teams alone. Use that energy to raise the standards of paranormal investigating by leading by example. And if your colleague gets a TV show, a job in the field, etc. Be happy for them and support them. If your colleague disagrees with you on a topic, brush it off, discuss it, and move on. Paraunity isn’t the idea that everyone agrees with the same thing, it’s the mutual understand and mutual respect of each other, even if you don’t agree with them.

Unfortunately, I am a realist, and nothing can ever be universal. This dream and hope of paraunity will likely never exist on a large plane. I believe it can exist in more smaller, isolated groups…like paranormal teams. I think the first step towards any kind of large-scale community is to all agree to disagree, and knowing that it is okay to do so.

THE DEPARTING OF THE FINEST

I’ve noticed a mass exodus of quality researchers from the paranormal community because of the drama and how disgusting people can act in this field. They don’t want any association with the community anymore. I don’t blame them. Drama is a waste of time and a big distraction. Why is it that we have to lose the good ones and let the bad ones stay? Again, this all goes back the attention on the negative and not the positive. We are the ones creating this community, and it is up to us to decide how the reputation of that community will be viewed. Will strangers look at the paranormal field and say, “What a bunch of immature drama queens.”? Or will they say, “Wow, they have a lot of interesting things to say.” Or even, “Wow, they’re really professional.”

My hope for the paranormal community is not unification, it is my hope that we will all have exceptionally high standards when it comes to investigating, so that finally, this field can be taken seriously. We can question things in a professional manner, and set ourselves apart from those who are fraudulent and less professional. Separate the big leagues from the minor leagues.

I wish you all safety, positivity and good luck in all of your endeavors.

Buffy Film vs. Buffy TV

June 9, 2012 Alex Matsuo

After being an avid viewer of the television series in my high school days, I was excited to venture into this project of comparing “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” in it’s two very different elements of the television series and the film. The show’s creator, Joss Whedon, wrote the film. But Whedon was not pleased with television producers making changes to the movie. Whedon originally wanted the film to have the darker and more dramatic element (that we see now in the series) and it was turned into a film with over the top acting and outrageous effects and comedy. There are notable differences between the film and the series, such as costumes, the character of Buffy and overall theme and feel of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”.

In the film, the vampires are pale, have pointy ears and have fangs. They still look human, and they don’t have a reflection. They fit more into the stereotypical look of a vampire from a cartoon. In the series, the vampires change their faces when they get ready to fight and/or feed and look very demonic. In the film, Merrick (the Watcher) is dressed in a trench coat and hat and would stand out in a crowd based on his outfit. It’s very detective looking. In the series, besides being British, Giles would blend into a crowd and doesn’t make much of a stir among other people and playing the role of a school librarian.

The character of Buffy differs as well. Movie Buffy has skills in gymnastics and has really corny catch phrases that she says throughout the film. TV Buffy is shown to have extraordinary strength. Also, in the series, Buffy’s identity is known throughout the vampire community and she is trying to hide from being discovered. It is already a known fact of who Buffy is and thus, they tend to avoid her. But in the film, Merrick warns Buffy to keep her identity a secret in order to protect herself because the vampires will track her down. In the film, there is also a note of the “mark of the slayer”, where it is not mentioned in the series. Movie Buffy also experiences pain, or something similar to cramps when there is a vampire around her. In the series, Buffy seems to have an intuition of who is undead and who isn’t. In the film, Buffy is a senior in high school and in the series, Buffy is a freshman in high school. The series mention the burning down of the gym at Hemery High School, but in the actual film, the gym is not seen being burnt down but instead filled with vampires.

Overall, besides having the same writer, the film and the television series are two completely different entities. Joss Whedon was disappointed with the film and the way it turned out. His vision for Buffy was better seen in his development of the television series, which took off five years later after the film came out. Whedon was able to bring his true vision of Buffy to the public and it became a huge success, while the original film still collects dust in our movie shelves.

The Six Years After: Love, Live, and Remember

December 31, 2011 Alex Matsuo

Six years ago today, I was in a car accident that almost killed me. I was 19 at the time, just finished the fall semester of my sophomore year of college with horrible grades, and very emotional from an incident with my ex-boyfriend that evening. Plans were made, he ditched the plans, and when I cried, he told me “Your tears don’t matter to me”. I was crushed. He was really the only reason why I was in that area in the first place (then come to find out he was wishing I would get hit by a car). My friend Jenny invited me over to her place for New Year’s and with eyes full of tears and a broken heart, I got in my car and made my way toward her place. I was driving onto the I-8 west from Montezuma Road in the rain. My car hydroplaned, and I lost control. I hit the railing and skidded into the railing over the road. I got out of the car, a girl stopped and called my mom for me, and another man stopped and helped direct traffic. I was in Jekyll & Hyde at the time, and we were in tech, so all my costumes, makeup, shoes, etc. were in the car. I knew my car would have to be towed, so I opened the backseat (driver’s side) door and started to go through my things. Then, I turned around and saw a car heading towards me.

The car headed towards me. The car hit me. I flew onto the hood of the car, rolled off the hood and I fell 25 feet down to the road below. I landed on my hip and I laid there crying and screaming for help. I remembered wiggling my toes to make sure I wasn’t paralyzed. Toes moved. Good. I tasted blood in my mouth. All my teeth there? Yes. Hair covering my face. Arms around my head. I couldn’t move. My lower body burned. Why couldn’t I move? Why was I conscious this whole time? I kept screaming and crying for help. I heard a bunch of women rush to me. Immediately, one of them asked if there was anyone that needed to be called and I said, “My mother” and I was able to give her my mother’s number. The rest of the women laid their hands on me and started to pray for me. The burning in my lower body eased a little.

I started to hear the ambulance sirens. The wailing got louder and louder until finally, I heard the paramedics approach me. They immediately asked me if I had been drinking. I get it. New Year’s Eve, girl falls off a freeway ramp. I told them no. Then I heard a spectator say that I was drunk. Really? Anyway. The paramedic told me that they would have to turn me onto my back. I said okay. I didn’t anticipate the excruciating pain that followed. I screamed. I couldn’t take the pain. Then, the paramedics used shears to cut my clothes off and another paramedic waited by with a blanket and covered me immediately. As I was on my back, I saw the woman who hit me. She was leaning over the guard rail, crying. We locked eyes for a moment until I was carried onto the ambulance. I heard my mother’s voice. I couldn’t move my neck but I can’t forget the fear and pain in her voice as she told me she loved me. I told her that I loved her too and to call my best friends at the time. I needed support.

The trip to the hospital was a blur. My blood pressure was so low that they couldn’t give me anything for the pain. Every bump into the hospital hurt. I remember the room. It was so white. The man laying next to me was covered in blood. They had to put a shield between us and all I saw was red. The doctors told me that they had to move me from the stretcher to the bed. I started crying again because I knew of the pain that was to come. I begged him to not move me. My body was broken. The doctor insisted that they would do the best they can to support the broken portion of my body. As I cried and begged, a nurse put her hand on my head and held my hand with the other. The crew counted to three. I screamed again. The pain was unbearable. I saw my mother and Lizz, my best friend at the time, turn away as I screamed. I remember everything was cloudy. My blood pressure was so low, and the doctors were injecting things in me and telling me to stay with them. Was I dying? I looked over at the shield next to me and the man next to me was so still. Was I in a room where people had died? I looked back up to the ceiling. Slowly, things became sharp again. I heard muddled voices and eventually I closed my eyes.

I’m not sure if I died, but I saw things. I saw things that I still can’t explain to this day.

I opened my eyes and I looked at the clock. The neck brace was gone. And there was a hospital volunteer cleaning the blood off my face. I’ll never forget his name. His name was Joe Apple. As he was cleaning up the blood from my face, I looked at the clock again and it was 12:02am. It was 2006 officially. I looked at Joe and wished him a happy new year. I was feeling much better, realizing that I was given pain medication finally. Morphine is good stuff. That evening, I had to get a catheter (not so fun), and I had to get compression socks put onto my legs. I couldn’t walk. I could feel my legs, but every attempt to move them was rewarded with awful pain. The police came in and got a statement from me. My nurse was wonderful. She made me feel so safe and she sat and held my hand as I was crying. I couldn’t be in my show anymore, I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t move in my bed. Eventually, after being covered with numerous warm blankets, and being comforted by my nurse in the late hours, I fell asleep. That night, I vertically sheared my pelvis, broke three vertebraes in my back, shattered my tailbone and lost a little chunk of my arm and gashed my forehead. The next morning would being a six month road to recovery and transitioning back to normal life. The road would include major surgery, living in a wheelchair, using a walker, months of physical therapy, and forming bonding friendships and relationships that would change my life forever.

As I look back on that night, six long years ago, I look at the person I am today. While I was recovering at home, my friends came over every week to have movie night with me. They didn’t mind taking me out and trekking my wheelchair in their trunk. I truly believe that if my friends weren’t there, I probably wouldn’t have survived the road to recovery. Every New Year’s Eve, I look back and think about how much worse this car accident could have been. The traffic light on the street below where I landed, happen to be red at the time. Otherwise, I could have been hit by another car after I landed, or worse, landed on a moving vehicle. The angle I landed was weird. I didn’t land on my head, even though I rolled off head first. I didn’t land on my legs or my bottom. I landed in a position that did the least amount of damage. I’m grateful to be alive today and with all the “what-ifs” that continue to go through my head, I can only account for the fact that I’m alive, I can walk, run, skate, and dance. I only experience residual hip pain on occasion, especially if it’s cold. Besides a scar on my backside, if you met me today, you couldn’t tell what happened six years ago.

Then I think about the people I met that night; Joe Apple, the nurse, the girl who helped me in the first accident, the woman who called my mother for me, and the mysterious women who prayed over me. I kept in brief touch with all but the mysterious women. No one remembers their presence. Not even the woman who called my mother. But I know they were there. I felt their hands on me. I remember their voices and calming words.

As I close this reflection, I have to acknowledge the several people who were there for me through thick and thin while I was recovering; Amber, Lizz, Natasha, Lauren, Dante, Robby, Alex, Jenny, JJ, Dirk, Anneke, Shaun, Cory, Troy, Joe, Laura, Jordy, Leilani, Maria, John and if there was anyone I forgot, my sincerest apologies. There were so many that helped me and were there for me. I was overwhelmed by the support and I know God was watching over me not only the night of my accident, but also brought me wonderful people to be there for me during recovery.

And finally, my mother. She was the biggest trooper in this whole situation. She had to watch me, her daughter, suffer and nearly die while maintaining her own strength and her patience. I wasn’t the easiest person to deal with. I often got frustrated with my current state and took it out on her. I cried daily, I felt so helpless and she was there for me. I could never repay the commitment, love, and kindness she showed, as well as giving me a slap of reality when I got too dramatic and feeling sorry for myself.

The message I want to leave you with is to cherish your time and make the most out of your life and the most important of all…love. Do everything with love and compassion. Life is too short to focus on the negative and hatred. Sometimes the most bitterest of people need love in their life and no one was brave enough to even attempt to show them love. Also, if I have learned anything from the experience of my car accident, don’t wait to lose weight before you go to the spa, don’t wait until things “seem right” to take a chance. Do it now. You never know when life can change (or end) in an instant. Live your life to the fullest. Love the people around you and love the strangers in your life. You never know what may happen in the future. Be ready for anything to happen. Bad things happen, but focus on your response and how you handle the bad times.

And finally, may the year 2012 be the year that all your dreams come true.

My Experience in Haunted Gettysburg

November 14, 2011 Alex Matsuo

This weekend, I was fortunate enough to attend a field trip to Gettysburg, hosted by the Paranormal Research Society. It was a weekend of much learning about experiencing activity in one of the most haunted places in the United States. The last time I was in Gettysburg was in the year 2000 for my eighth grade trip. So I was excited to go back to this historical landmark and hopefully have some paranormal experiences and investigate.

This trip also marked the first time I’ve participated in the Ganzfeld experiment. For the last few months, I’ve been doing research to learn more about it and send anything I find to Sergey at PRS. While I was excited to finally be able to participate, I was also a tad nervous. I didn’t just do it once. I participated four times. My last Ganzfeld session consisted me being a sender, which I will go into in a moment.

Jennie Wade House – For those of you who don’t know, Jennie Wade was the only citizen of Gettysburg who was killed during the battle. The house where she was shot is still preserved with the actual bullet holes still present and her wooden bread board hanging next to the stove. This was where I did the Ganzfeld experiment the first time. Adam Sedlock briefed me on what was going to happen and I put on the white shades, the headphones and faced the red light. I heard banging during the experience, heard voices, felt like someone was walking around me, felt something play with my hair and I felt like I was in the presence of chaos.

Tillie Pierce House – This was where I participated in the Ganzfeld Experiment three more times. The second time I participated, there were two people involved this time. One being a “sender” of an image and the other being a “receiver” wearing the shades, headphones and facing the red light. While I didn’t receive an image, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness afterward. After the first two experiences, I was hesitant to participate again and I initially declined a third opportunity to do it again. However, after making contact with a presence in the house, I was asked to do the Ganzfeld experiment again. This time, knowing what I was looking for, I agreed. It was a positive and enriching experience. The fourth time I did it, I was the sender along with another person. I have to say, it was harder being a sender than it was to be the receiver.

I believe that’s as much as I can go into since this was an experiment conducted by PRS. It was overall a great experience. I have many more stories from Gettysburg, and I’m still in the process of putting them into words. I must say that it is amazing how much the battle impacted Gettysburg and permanently imprinted a presence in that town.

Do Spirits “Notice” You?

October 27, 2011 Alex Matsuo

I received a great question on the Facebook page from Sara D., who asked,

From my own personal research, I have found many share the view that by actively participating in the paranormal (ie: investigating, ganzfeld experiment) or the occult (ie seances, ouija boards) you open yourself up more spiritually and make it easier for spirits to “notice” you. Others say that it doesn’t happen and you shouldn’t worry about it. So, what is it? Be concerned or not?

What is my answer to this? Yes. there should be a concern and a respect for these methods and devices because they have the potential to be powerful tools. First I will address investigating. Investigating the paranormal is entering into a new lifestyle in general. Your awareness of the unknown is heightened. Now are spirits really following you, or are you senses heightened to the point where anything that moves is a shadow/ghost/spirit? You know it’s there, and I know for me, I seem to keep an extra eye open and I notice my surroundings in greater detail than I did before I began investigating. I believe that when you start investigating, especially going against more malevolent beings, it is possible that they will notice you and know who you are. When you approach an investigation and you ask for communication with spirits, they know who you are. I know investigators (including myself) who do protection rituals and make it very clear that they cannot harm me or follow me.

Now the Ganzfeld Experiment…such a fascinating element of parapsychology. Does the Ganzfeld Experiment open yourself up to experience things you couldn’t in your everyday life? I believe so and no. Does it permanently leave you vulnerable to psychic and spiritual phenomenon? It has the potential. Does participating in this leave a permanent bullseye for any spirit to notice you and possibly go after you? I doubt it, but I would certainly love to talk to someone about it who knows more than I do

Now when it comes to things like seances and ouija boards, that is another ballgame. Or is it? When investigating, you are asking for communication. And with seances and ouija boards you are requesting communication. It’s a fine line, but I believe there is a difference. Seances come in many forms. Seance comes from the French term, “sitting” or “seat” and rose in popularity when Spiritualism broke out. There is something to be said sitting in a circle with other people trying to communicate with spirits, especially through a medium. And with ouija boards, I have a great respect for them but I would probably never use one. I’ve heard and experienced too many negative things tied with a ouija board, especially when it comes to the disposal of one (always bury, never burn). Ouija boards are typically associated with bringing in an inhuman spirit. What else is funny is that ouija boards are sold in toy stores and made by Milton Bradley. There are also ouija board necklaces being sold. I was actually offended when I saw this. Paranormal investigating or “ghost hunting” is already seen as a novelty as it is. Technically you don’t even need to buy a ouija board, you can draw a board on a piece of paper or napkin and go from there. It’s that simple. Ouija boards are made by toy companies, what happened to the respect of the possibility that these things can do potential harm? Wearing a necklace with a ouija board shouldn’t be a fashion accessory or seen as cute. That could open you up for potentially negative activity as well.

Is there a safe way to use a ouija board? I’m sure. But you need protection which leads me into my next point. Protecting yourself is very important. There is a fine line between not protecting yourself and building a wall so thick that you cut yourself off from any activity. Where do we draw the line? It’s hard to distinguish.

In closing, when you decide to investigate the paranormal, you need to make sure you do what you can to stay safe while still allowing yourself to experience activity (at least for me, for purposes of collecting evidence and documentation). And protecting yourself not only during an investigation but during your normal everyday life. I started investigating when I was 14. Looking back, it was probably not the safest thing to do, especially investigating solo as a teen with only the internet as my guide. But it taught me so much about myself, the paranormal and how to protect myself and conduct myself on an investigation. I’m still not an expert. I read as much as I can and watch other teams as they do investigations. What I want to close this post with, is that you should always be in the pursuit of knowledge. Keep reading, keep watching, and never stop learning.

Ghosts of My Past

July 19, 2011 Alex Matsuo

It’s a cheesy title. But the best I can come up with. This might be a tad embarrassing to talk about on my blog but this topic has been weighing heavily on my mind and it will affect the development of Japanese Eyes/American Heart.
In the play, Amaya is plagued by ghosts of her grandfather’s unknown past. These “ghosts” are not seen in the world of the play, but can be seen in the audience’s world. When the Shakespeare text was intertwined, the characters from The Tempest represented theses “ghosts”. I originally kept the Shakespeare in because I’m stubborn. It’s an ambitious decision to intertwine Shakespeare into contemporary text of my own words. Plus, I was writing this play as my thesis for my graduate degree. I hadn’t thought that this play would have a life outside of school. However, I was mistaken. It has begun to generate interest from others, hence to why I created this blog. I realized after looking at my last few entries, I hadn’t been writing about the play development lately and for that I apologize. When I get into my “zone” I don’t think about, “Oh, I need to go blog about this.” I spend so much time in my books and researching, that I forget about the reporting aspect. If you know me personally, I love being a dramaturg in theatre about as much as I love performing on stage. It’s a way to stay involved and also learn as much as you can. I’ve been doing so much research on Japan and World War II and how it affected Japanese-Americans that I find myself going on tangents when I talk to friends when they ask how my research is going. Even though Little Women closed in May, I’m still sorting through research on Louisa May Alcott and her work. I love historical research. Period.
But now that I’ve taken the Shakespeare out, I feel like there is something missing. I want Amaya’s interest in learning about John’s past to be more than curiosity, because my intention was more than curiosity. It has been shaped from the void that is in me because I only had my grandpa for seven years before he passed away. Seeing the characters I created come to life on stage brought the memories back and made the memories more real than ever. I still get positive feedback from audience members and there is a strong consensus that the play stands well on its own without the help of good ol’ Will.
I had a few of my actors from the staged reading look at some old family photos of me with my grandparent’s in which the seven year old version of Amaya is based upon. One took a look at the photos and said, “I can totally see the personality you wrote about in your face.” I didn’t think it translated as well as I had thought.
Anyway, back to ghosts. I wrote about the ghosts of my past echoing into my present. But that’s not all of it. My family seems to attract paranormal activity. I’m not going to talk specifics here because I rarely talk about it at all. But lately, I’ve been trying to educate myself in the paranormal not only for my play, but also to help answer questions that have plagued me almost my whole life. Education aside, it’s also made me more interested in becoming an investigator and try to help people who are going through something unexplained. Right now, I have this unexplainable drive to become more involved in my education of this realm that terrified me as a child and continued well into my teens and he offered an online class, and I took the opportunity.
I always felt like that something is motivating me to keep going with the Japanese Eyes/American Heart project. Something supernatural and something I cannot explain. I feel like there needs to be a story told; about identity, making peace with your past and accepting that you may never be able to know all the answers or explain everything. How will the ghosts of Amaya’s past manifest on stage? Will there be an actor physically leading Amaya to the medals? Or will it be a fog machine? Will they be actual actors on stage or will they be the result of lighting and sound designers? I won’t put the answer here. All I’ll say is, right now I’m focusing on memory. If I could draw a diagram of the memories between Amaya and John…Amaya would be God-like, in it that John only exists in her memory, and therefore, his memories exist in her memory as well, but she just doesn’t know it. Maybe next time I’ll draw something out and scan it so you can see. It’ll probably help my actors too.
Well, that’s it for now.