Since I’m sick with a pretty nasty bug, in lieu of a blog or video this week, I’m going to share something exciting. I had the honor of being interview by the impeccable Jim Harold for “The Paranormal Podcast” recently. The episode dropped this week!
Listen to my recent interview at https://jimharold.com/the-brave-mortals-guide-to-ghost-hunting-the-hat-man-paranormal-podcast-623/
Let me know what you think, and I’ll have a brand new blog up soon with a video.
2019 has proven to be a year of interesting stories. There have been countless news articles and segments about alleged hauntings that caught the world’s attention. But how many of these were legit and how many could be debunked? Let’s take a look back at the past year and see what’s in store.
This story broke in March 2019 and occurred in Wilmington, Massachusettes at a chain grocery store known as Market Basket. A woman by the name of Christiana Bush, who is an employee at the store, witnessed the ghost of an older woman who was dressed in a Victorian nightgown and haircap. Of all departments within the store, Bush saw the specter in the frozen food section. According to Bush, she looked down for a moment, and when she looked up, the older woman was gone. She searched the aisles to find the woman, but to no avail. Bush posted about the experience in her local Facebook group, where the story went viral. It created such a stir that the Market Basket corporation made a statement proclaiming that their stores were ghost free. Perhaps the paranormal was bad for business?
Remember the Area 51 raid? Or Storm Area 51? It went viral based off a joke on Facebook and became an identity of its own. But as soon as the story boomed in popularity, it disappeared from the news. Yet, the raid did happen, and apparently a few arrests were made. It was just on a much smaller scale.
We’ll keep this going with some of the biggest news in the UFO world. Back in 2017, the New York Times broke a story of two videos that went public of some weird phenomenon that Navy pilots experienced. One of the videos showed a spherical object that was moving against the wind. Another video emerged in March 2018, making everyone question what was going on, and wondering whether the government was going to call a spade a spade. Well, in 2019, the Navy admitted that the objects captured on video was known as “Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon.” They didn’t want to use the term UFO or “Unidentified Flying Object.”
I love this story, and you’re going to find out why in a moment. In case you’re wondering, there is only one baby in the photo. Well, one living baby. I’ll be the first to admit that this photo freaked me out a bit. It just looks creepy. I hypothesize that this is very well a case of pareidolia.
This incident took place in October 2019, just in time for Halloween. A Chicago mother named Maritza Cibuls was home alone with her kids late one night. When she checked the baby monitor of her 18-month old, she was shocked to see a second baby in the crib with her son. She kept checking on her son during the night, faithfully watching the monior. The anamolous baby didn’t move at all. She shared the photo with her husband as well as a Facebook group for moms she was a part of. People tried to make sense of the photo, saying it may have been drool, or some sort of stain that only the monitor picked up.
However, when she changed the sheets in her baby’s crib, she saw what happened. When her husband changed the sheets previously, he didn’t put the matress cover on. This resulted in a sticker of a baby’s face showing through the sheet.
I chose this story because it had a few of my favorite things in it; theatre and the Lore podcast. This photo was taken in September 2019 by Chad Lawson at the Paramount Theatre in Austin, Texas. Lawson had just completed a sound check before a live episode of “Lore.” If you’re not familiar with “Lore”, it’s an amazing podcast about the creepier history of our existence along with ghost stories, creatures, aliens, and more. Lawson took a photo of his piano after the sound check, and it didn’t take long before his followers on Instagram noticed someone in the mezzanine. Startled, Lawson did some research and found that the Paramount Theatre was indeed haunted.
This is a story that isn’t too far away from where I live. In Salisbury, North Carolina, and the ReStore for Habitat for Humanity of Rowan County, there was a dresser and a four-post headboard and bed frame for sale. However, with the price, it seemed that it came with ghosts as accessories. ReStore reported that the previous owner claimed that the furniture was haunted and that it brought about nightmares for the previous owner and his wife. Also, the couple’s dog wouldn’t stop barking at the furniture. ReStore claimed that it was transparent about the haunting because they were a Christian ministry and didn’t want to be held responsible if something happen. Two men came in and paid $1,000 for the furniture.
This is another story that broke in March 2019 and occurred in Highland, Michigan. The situation involved Heather Brough, Joshua Higgens, and their baby daughter Lily. The small family lives in a guest house that’s owned by Higgins’ mother, but according to them, their not alone. They believe they have a ghost in their home after they’re daughter woke up from a nap with scratches on her face. After the incident, Heather and Joshua started looking at the nanny cam and were disturbed to see a transparent figure walk by the front of Lily’s crib. Heather also claims that the ghost tried to choke her as she was waking up. However, she told a different version of this story to different outlets. I have my reservations about this case, and Kenny Biddle does a great job of breaking this down.
Located in Baltimore, Maryland, Bertha’s Mussels can be founds in the Fells Point neighborhood. It is a truly a staple for the locals. It is also known for being notoriously haunted. In fact, locals claim that there are so many ghosts that experiences happen one after another. Co-owner Laura Norris claims that she’s had to talk to the ghost and ask for safe passage in order to leave. Melissa Rowell gives ghost tours of the restaurant, and guests often have photos and videos to share with her of the ghosts at Bertha’s Mussels.
I’ll admit that I chose this story because it’s about an hour away from where I live. In Wendell, North Carolina, Lori Stokes has been dealing with a malevolent presence in her home that attacks not only her, but her 6-year old grandson. Stokes claimed that guests were getting scratched, her grandson got flung from his bike, things were being thrown, and Stokes’ says that she saw a man during the night and her one of her feet was grabbed and shaken while in bed. Stokes had a psychic medium come to the house, and the medium claimed that the haunting was demonic in nature. The TV show, “Ghost Brothers”, came and spent six days in the house. They validated Stokes’ experiences and brought in a medium to help dispel the evil spirits in her home. It seems that the activity in her home has since disappaited.
With the wide reach of the internet, it can sometimes be hard to share paranormal experiences and be believed. For Daisy Marquez, she soon faced scrutiny and accusations of hoaxing after she shared that she had been dealing with paranormal activity. She shared a sponsorship video she was working on and claimed that her door opened by itself. Daisy also claimed that she had been pushed down the stairs by an unseen force, and her camera kept cutting off when she was trying to talk about her experiences. She also heard taps on the wall as well as voices.
This is another story where it’s up to you to make the decision as to whether this is a legit paranormal occurrence or not. Located in Capel Curig, Wales next to Snowdonia National Park. In 1890, a famous cricket player known as Frank Cobden bought the hotel. Today, it is believed that his daughter, Evelyn, haunts the hotel. It became a staple for mountain climbers and hikers during its time. From 1970-1976, Lawrence Pett’s family own the hotel, which has been known to be home for numerous ghosts. Each year during the holidays, the “Christmas ghost” turns off the lights. Pett’s father refurbished the hotel after purchase and also built the bar next door to the hotel. While the hotel has been long closed, Pett and his wife visited and were shocked to see that the bar hadn’t changed since the seventies. When Pett took a photo through the window, he noticed two figures with caps behind the white light anamoly. He believes they are just a few of the countless ghosts haunting the Cobden.
In the trend of shining the spotlight on the creepy side of the holidays, let’s talk about the Kallikantzaros…or the Kallikantzaroi (plural). What is interesting about this legend is that it also has a connection with the dates December 25th-January 6th. If you read my blog about Frau Perchta, her active dates were the same. Since we’re officially in the 12 days of Chistmas, let’s wrap up this series with a lesser known monster.
In case the name didn’t give it away, the legend of the Kallikantzaros comes from Greece. You can also find the legend in other countries like Bulgaria, Serbia, Albania, Bosnia, and Cyprus. They are malevolent little goblins that spend the rest of the year underground trying to saw the World tree. If this collapses, Earth goes with it. But when the 12 days of Christmas comes around, they are able to come to the surface. The Kallikantzaros abandon their tree-cutting plans, if not totally forget them. You see, the Kallikantzaros refocus their energy on terrorizing the mortal world.
When Epiphany happens on January 6th (and the sun starts moving again), these Christmas goblins return underground. In their absence, the World Tree healed itself. So, the Kallikantzaros start over with their sawing, doomed to repeat the tradition every year until the end of time. Actually, they’ve not considered THAT evil. Instead, they’re seen as more impish and stupid, which is why they can come to Earth for a short time.
It is believed they were inspired by annual festivals in both Greek and Roman culture. In ancient Rome, the winter festival of Bacchanalia had people wearing beast-like costumes and masks. They were often rowdy, drunk, and engaging in quite in “active” physical adventures with more than one person at a time. In ancient Greece, the festival took place in March and was more centered around theatrical performances. It was in honor of Dionysus, who also happens to be my favorite Greek god.
Depending on what region you were from, the Kallikantzaros had a variety of different looks. In some places, they were envisioned with hairy bodies, boar husks in their mouths, and horse legs. Sometimes they were big, and sometimes they were smaller humans that smelled horribly. Other parts of Greece say they have red eyes, huge heads with tongues that hang out, and goat or donkey ears…and they had protruding male parts. But the most popular belief is that they are small, hairy little creatures with long black tails…looking like little Devils. What I also found interesting is they are portrayed as mostly blind and love to eat small creatures like worms and frogs…plus they speak with a lisp.
This is fairly interesting. If a baby was born during the 12 days of Christmas, it was at risk of transforming into a Kallikantzaros during the holiday season once they reached adulthood. There’s another legend that said that any baby born on a Saturday was also at risk. This sounds like a weird Christmas werewolf type of legend. A way to combat this was to bind the baby in tresses of garlic and straw and singe the baby’s toenails (ouch!).
According to lore, there were a few things people did to avoid the wrath of the Kallikantzaros. One of the simplest ways was to leave a colander on their front doorstep. Apparently, the Kallikantzaros were not only creatures of the night, but were also idiots and couldn’t count higher than two because three was considered to be a holy number. If a Kallikantzaros were to say the number three, it would kill itself. By leaving a colander on the front door, the creature can’t help itself but try to count all the holes throughout the night. Thus, wasting time until sunrise.
Another way was to burn a fire every night so that the Kallikantzaros couldn’t enter through the chimney. Sometimes, it was a yule log that would burn throughout the 12 days of Christmas. Marking a black cross on the door and burning incense would also help protect you against these creatures. If you threw in your stinky shoes in the fire, the smell would be enough to sway the Kallikantzaros to keep going, since they would be repulsed by the smell.
In Albania, the Kallikantzaros were known as the Kukuth. But they were undead creatures that tormented you in January while carrying chains. They were known to have very bad breath.
In Serbia, the Kallikantzaros was called the “karakondžula.” They came out during the 12 Days of Christmas as normal. But at one point, in Serbia, it was believed that the 12 Days of Christmas were once known as the “unbaptized days”, thus making them less holy. Because of this, demons and monsters were more active and dangerous. Serbians were told to not do anything to attract their attention, like going out late at night. The karakondžula was a short, heavy-set creature that would jump on its victim’s back and demanded to be carried wherever it wanted. This would continue until the rooster crowed the next morning and the sun came up.
Serbian lore mainly targeted adulterers, because those committing adultery would do their sins in the quiet of the night. It was even believed that a karakondžula would hang out on the door frame of the lovers’ home, or even a brothel, and jump on the back of the adulterer as they were leaving. The karakondžula would dig their nails into the person’s skin and make them run around the forest until dawn.
In Anatolian folklore, the karakoncolos were Sasquatch-like creatures that appeared during the 10 days of Zemheri, also known as the “dreadful cold.” They would stand on murky corners and ask questions to passers-by. As long as you answered the questions, you were safe. These creatures were more troublesome, harmless, and rarely evil. They could also call out people by mimicking the voices of their loved ones.
Finally, in Bulgaria, the karakondjul or karakondjo is a shapeshifter-type creature that can transform itself into a man, dog, goat, sheep, or calf. In its normal form, the humanoid has a large head with horns, a tail, and a hairy body. It could also only have one leg or have the legs of a horse. It typically lives in caves, abandoned water mills, and rivers. The kukeri is a traditional ritual to keep these evil creatures away
http://www.hellenicaworld.com/Greece/Info/en/Kallikantzaros.html
Kallikantzaroi – Greek Christmas Goblins – Greek Christmas Customs & Traditions
When we think of the holidays, we think of cheerfulness, merriment, and nothing scary. Well, if you find Santa Claus scary, then I don’t know what to tell you.
But not everyone thinks of the holidays as a positive time of year. Many see it as just another day of life. Others see the time as a season of painful memories and feelings. Some folks see it as a time to get children to behave.
We have Krampus and Frau Perchta. But do you recall the Icelandic legend of Grýla and her Yule Cat and Yule Lads?
Instead of Santa Claus coming to town, Icelanders are treated to mountain-dwelling monsters who come down for the holidays. What is endearing about this folktale is the fact that they all live together in a cave in the mountains. These mountains are known as the Dimmuborgir lava fields.
Yes, these Christmas monsters are a family. They even have a house cat named Jólakötturinn! Yes, it joins in on their reign of holiday terror.
Let’s start with Grýla, whose name loosely translates to growler. She is an ogress who has a rather large appetite for eating naughty children. That’s right, kids. If you’re naughty, you’ll get eaten by Grýla. She has this talent of detecting naughty children year-round. When she comes down from the mountains, she knows who to find. She collects them in her large sack and carries them back to her cave. Then, cooks them in a large pot, making a “naughty children stew”, for which she has an insatiable appetite.
She has a husband named Leppaludi who is your typical TV-house husband. He’s depicted as lazy and doesn’t really leave the cave. Leppaludi is also Grýla’s third husband, which I thought was interesting. Apparently, she ate her previous husbands after she became bored with them.
If you’ve been good, and you think you’re safe, think again. Remember that house cat I told you about? Maybe it’s actually a cave cat. The Yule Cat, named Jólakötturinn, is Grýla’s kitty. It roams the countryside during Yule and eats people who haven’t gotten new clothes before Christmas Eve.
Let’s not forget the kids! Grýla and Lappaludi have 13 sons known as the Yule Lads. First, I guess we know what Grýla and her husband were up to in the cave during the off-season. Second, the Yule Lads sounds like a name for a street gang of kids. On the 13 nights leading up to Christmas, the Yule Lads come into town one by one. They bring about mischief, mayhem, pranks, and murder. Kids leave their shoes on window sills. If the kids were good, the Yule Lads bring presents to leave in these shoes. If the kids were naughty, the Yule Lads left a potato in their shoes. That’s not a terrible thing.
The legend of Grýla and her family date back centuries. The earliest mention of Grýla can be traced back to the 13th century. You can find her in a compilation of Norse mythology called, Prose Edda. She is described as a giantess that is repulsive and hideous. Some other early depictions of Grýla have ranged from describing her as a beggar with parasites as well as a troll. What is creepy about her as a beggar is that she would go door-to-door asking parents to give her their naughty children. It wasn’t until the 17th century that she was associated with Christmas.
The earliest mention of the Yule Lads goes back to the 17th century in the poem called, “The Poem of Grýla.” In the most popular depictions, they were Grýla’s sons. In other versions, they were her brothers. Depending on where you were from, the Yule Lads did different things from harmless pranks to painting the town red…with blood. What is even more interesting is that the King of Denmark wasn’t a fan of using the Yule Lads as a method of scaring children into behaving. They were formally named in 1862 by Jon Arnason. He was a 19th-century author, collected his own folktales after being inspired by the Grimm Brothers. The 1932 poem, The Yule Lads by Jóhannes úr Kötlum, became canon with their names and personalities because it was so popular. You can find it in the book, Christmas is Coming.
Now, where did the Jólakötturinn, the Yule Cat, come from? As if Grýla and her family weren’t terrifying enough, let’s add in a cat to make it extra scary. And this giant kitty judged you on whether or not you got new clothes by Christmas Eve. The earliest depiction of the Jólakötturinn is the 19th century. But why clothes? Farmers to put pressure on their workers to finish processing the autumn before Christmas. If the workers finished, they were rewarded with new clothes. Those who didn’t finish got nothing. The idea of the Yule Cat being this giant, monstrous beast was popularized by Jóhannes úr Kötlum. Other depictions included the Yule Cat merely eating the food of those who didn’t have new clothes, which is less dramatic.
To tie all of this up in a neat little bow, basically, you should behave yourself and make sure you have new clothes by Christmas Eve. Otherwise, you might get a visit from Grýla, her Yule Cat, and the Yule Lads. Oh yeah, don’t forget to leave your shoes on the window sill!
I’m a diehard fan of Krampus. I think “Elf on the Shelf” is way too soft for kids. Why make them think a creepy-looking doll is spying on them when you can use a terrifying half-goat/half-demon creature to scare them into behaving? If you don’t know the story behind Krampus, he is basically one of Santa’s buddies who punishes misbehaving children. His origins draw from German and Alpine origins. He carries chains and birch sticks to literally beat kids into shape. Some other variations include Krampus sticking children in a sack or basket, dragging them to hell, or just beating them with the birch sticks while they’re in the sack/basket in the process. Basically, I would behave if I knew Krampus was waiting in the wings to kick my butt. By the way, Krampusnacht is December 5th.
But…Krampus isn’t alone. There is a female counterpart to Krampus that is much more terrifying than our male half-goat/half-demon hybrid. And she’s much more terrifying than you can ever imagine.
Let me introduce you to Frau Perchta. She comes from Eastern Europe, German and Alpine lore, and famously known as the Christmas Witch.
If you’re into the old school fairytales, like the Grimm Brothers, then you might already know about Frau Perchta. She came into prominence thanks to the eldest Grimm brother, Jacob. According to him, Perchta was originally known as Berctha, or Bertha in the 10th century. She is believed to be the female equivalent of Berchtold, who is the leader of the Wild Hunt, a group of soldiers of mythical creatures like spirits, fairies, and elves.
But why exactly should we be fearful of Frau Perchta? She is the upholder of cultural taboos, like the prohibition of spinning during the holidays. During the 12 days between Christmas (12/25) and Epiphany (1/6), Perchta would roam the countryside in the middle of the night. She enters people’s homes and knows immediately if the children have been naughty or nice. She also required that the women had the flax spun by the 12th night of December. Perchta would also know if you adhered to her traditional meal of fish and gruel on her feast day.
Frau Perchta bears a striking resemblance to the Scandanavian goddess, Frigga. Both entities obsess over spinning as well as whether or not your house was clean. Jacob Grimm was convinced that Perchta was Frau Holda since she is also into spinning as well as wearing white robes.
Frau Perchta has been known to appear as a beautiful young woman in white robes, or an elderly and haggard-looking woman, depending on which culture you are studying. What is notable about her appearance is that she has a foot that is larger than the other. It has been known as a goose or swan foot, which could indicate that she is a shapeshifter of some sort. If you behaved, you would see Perchta as a beautiful woman. But if you weren’t, then you saw her scarier side.
If you did what you were supposed to do, then you might get a nice coin the next morning. But if you neglected to be a well-behaved child, spun your flax, and ate your fish and gruel, there was certain hell to pay. Frau Perchta would slit your stomach open and stuff you with straw and garbage.
Krampus is sounding a little more PG now, doesn’t he?
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Did you know it’s been four years since my last book? That’s a long time. I’ll try to go into details as to why without the intention of giving excuses. The reason why I wanted to write this blog is that authors will so often beat themselves up over not producing content. Then months turn into years, and before you know it…years have gone by. Or, in my case, four years.
Before we get started, I have to do a shameless plug, because I just put out a new book. You can grab a paperback copy of “The Brave Mortal’s Guide to Ghost Hunting” here, and you can get it on Kindle here. After you’ve read the book, please review it on Amazon and Goodreads! Reviews are so beneficial to authors and it’s the best thing you can do for them!
Back to the journey.
I can’t really pinpoint the catalyst for my lack of writing. It could have been very well due to the fact I was writing for a living for a very well-known YouTube channel. We’re talking 5,000-6,000 words per day on various topics. By this time, my book, “The Haunting of the Tenth Avenue Theater” was already written, and I was playing the waiting game for it to get published nearly a year later.
Then my mom passed. Writing did become part of my grieving process, but the content will never be seen by the public. Before my mom left this world, I already struggled with depression and anxiety to an extreme amount. I had also just had surgery to remove cancerous cells in a vulnerable part of my body. I was a wreck. And side note…the grieving process for a parent never ends. Even as I approach the fifth anniversary of my mom’s death, I still miss her…maybe even more so.
For the sake of avoiding gory details, my mental health took a dive. There were stories I wanted to tell, and knowledge I wanted to share, but I couldn’t get the words out. Then, responsibilities for my paranormal team grew exponentially, and I didn’t have the help to make it function the way the team wanted to. In short, I was burning out really quickly. Due to other things going on in my life, it wasn’t long before the words dried up completely.
It also didn’t help that I was surrounding myself with toxicity, and I didn’t see it. But it took a massive event to make me realize that my current situation was unhealthy, if not borderline unsafe. That was what made me realize I had lost myself and who I was. I also wasn’t taking care of myself both physically and mentally.
I also had to forgive myself and take responsibility for my own actions. I also had to cut myself some slack. Okay, a lot of slack. For the sake of my health and my existence, I had to start taking it easy on myself. Before I could even put words down on paper, I had to do this. I had to look at those in the eye who made me feel like less than human and say, “No more.” I had to put down boundaries and make decisions for my own benefit instead of that of others, because the latter was not only getting me nowhere, it was killing me.
It wasn’t long before the words came back. I started off simple; if I got 100 words per day, that was an accomplishment. Then, I built back up to about 2,000 words per day. It didn’t happen overnight. I also allowed myself to have breaks. I wasn’t competing with anyone, and I could finally write under my own [lack of] rules.
Before I knew it, my book was done.
So, here I am…another book out. My next writing adventure is diving into a world that I’ve spent years creating…and finally making that leap into fantasy. I can’t wait for you to meet these characters!
In the meantime, if you’ve ever wanted to check out ghost hunting, check out The Brave Mortal’s Guide to Ghost Hunting on Amazon!
This may come across as a surprise, but I love watching beauty pageants. From Miss USA to cheering on my friends in the local pageant scene, I’ll support my friends and the incredible women that grace the stage. Organizations like Miss USA and Miss America have come a long way since they started. But they still have a long way to go. Are these pageants perfect? Definitely not.
When I reveal to people that I watch pageants, I’m usually looked at with a decent level of shock. Why am I interested in something that is unaccessible to me? The short version of my explanation is that they’re fun. We’ll get into the long version of my story in a moment. I’m hopeful that pageants will continue to evolve, since I’m all for pageants where all the contestants are behind a curtain and they’re judged on merit.
Do I have an issue with the common criticisms? You bet. For example, the ever-so-popular argument:
Um…doesn’t the rest of society? Pageants are a reflection of society. You make first impressions and judge others every day. It’s in our nature. People judge others for their hair, their clothes, their life choices, the list goes on. Of course theses pageants judge on appearances because that is what we have become as a society.
If we’re going to go based on the judgement of appearances, then we also can’t ignore how plus size people, such as myself, are treated by mainstream society, in the workplace, hell…just going out in public. As a society, we judge by appearances varying from body type, what we wear, etc.
If you are withholding support from beauty pageants based on this, and yet you’re watching Disney movies and worshipping princesses…pot meet kettle. For the life of me, I will never understand this argument. If you’re only hating on beauty pageants, and yet supporting other areas of society where not all women are accepted, then maybe it’s not this particular argument that is bothering you, and there’s a deeper resentment going on here.
Here’s the thing I will never stand for, and that is using my weight and my position as a plus size person to try to pigeon-hold me into agreeing with you. That’s wrong and manipulative.
But as I said, pageants aren’t perfect. There is still a certain body type that is only accepted on that stage right now when it comes to mainstream pageants. Yes, we have plus-size beauty pageants, but also consider we have plus-size clothing stores. Shouldn’t I be happy and satisfied with that? Not in the least. Until women of all shapes and sizes are on that stage, SHARING the stage, will we arrive to a new era of beauty pageants.
What is promising is that the Miss North Carolina USA pageant had a woman with a disability (and in a wheelchair) on that stage, and you bet I was cheering her on. Miss America is saying goodbye to its swimsuit competition (although who says bigger women can’t wear a swimsuit?).
Okay, I’ll give you this one. Beauty pageants are outdated, and if they are going to continue to exist, they will have to evolve in the next few years.
But we can’t place all the blame on pageants for becoming what they are today. We have to look at other non-pageant venues, like clothing stores that even have a size 18. But they won’t accomodate a size 26.
Torrid is great if you can afford it. Walmart doesn’t always carry bigger sizes on a regular basis (and I live in the South). No chance on Target. I’m lucky if I catch Ross or Mervyn’s on a GOOD day. Not every plus size person can afford Torrid, not everyone who is plus size has the financial privileges.
But I won’t stop watching Disney because they lack plus size presence, nor will I stop watching Miss USA (I’m not a fan of Miss America because of other politics right now). The fact that a woman with a disability made it this far in Miss NC USA shows there’s strides being made.
I can’t even shop in store at Old Navy and I have to go online. I can’t shop at most stores. Thin privilege is a thing. People look at thin people and they automatically pass the society test. Obese people, especially morbidly obese people, do not. That’s just a given. I and many others are working to absolve that.
There are plus size pageants and LOTS of them. Do they have the air time of Miss USA or Miss America? Nope.
So before going after pageants, make sure you have enough stones for:
These are just to name a few.
I will celebrate these incredible women, and hope that one day that someone plus size will grace that stage in the next 20 years (it’s going to happen).
Did I say these organizations were perfect? Nope. Do they have room to make changes and make some progress? Hell yes, and they have a long way to go. But are they open to change? Yes. Will it happen immediately? Nope.
As a fellow feminist, I’m also aware that women can make choices to go into whatever hobby or career they want to, whether it’s sex work, beauty pageants, law, etc. It’s fantastic that women can make these choices in these professions that have greatly evolved in the past 50 years. The fact that a woman with a disability made it this far in a mainstream pageant is great. A little girl, who is also in a wheelchair, can see herself represented. And I’m fairly confident that a plus size girl will also grace that stage in the next 20 years on national TV.
I think pageants are harmless for the most part, when compared to reality shows that depict women as nasty and dependent. It’s harmless compared to how plus size women are portrayed in the entertainment industry, especially fashion.
I won’t stop watching Disney because they lack plus size presence, nor will I stop watching Miss USA (I’m not a fan of Miss America because of other politics right now). The fact that a woman with a disability made it this far in Miss NC USA shows there’s strides being made.
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From 1986 until 2013 – My home was San Diego, California.
Moving to Raleigh, NC in 2013 was one of the biggest changes of my life. I won’t lie, the transition was really hard. I longed to return to San Diego any chance I had. In short, I didn’t see Raleigh as “home.”
I considered moving back, but the cost of living in San Diego was rising fast and I didn’t have job prospects to help me return. In other words, I was stuck in Raleigh. I then considered moving to another city to see if that felt more like home.
Each year, I watched the seasons change and I was still feeling very much like an outsider. In fact, I took pride in the fact that I was a “California Girl” and this was a temporary stay. I had a hard time connecting with people and finding new friends. I was completely starting from scratch.
Thankfully, being a theatre kid, there was always a new family waiting for you. I got heavily involved in the theatre community, and that was a good stepping stone. I quickly found a second family that continues to be there for me through thick and thin.
And yet, I still felt like an outsider.
I kept trying my hardest to live Raleigh, let alone North Carolina. I had multiple people try to show me around their favorite spots and where they found their place to call home. Again, I struggled. I was also dealing with guilt that I couldn’t find my place here. By this time, I had already been living here for a few years. And yet, I still wasn’t settled in. Was it time to move?
I decided to explore Raleigh for myself for a day. But this time, without anyone telling me to like Raleigh, without anyone giving me their preconceived notions about Raleigh. I ended up coming up with a short list of the things I did like about Raleigh and I went from there.
In case you’re curious, here was my list:
Then, I decided to sign up for Great Raleigh Trolley’s “Hidden History” Tour, led by Heather Leah of Candid Slice/Hidden History. I often used Heather’s articles as a jumping off point for my own research, so I knew she was legit. Combining my love of history with my current residence seemed like the thing to do to really help me connect to Raleigh.
And it worked.
Taking a history tour seemed like something small, but it was something I was truly interested in. I saw that Raleigh belonged to others beyond the people I knew (many of who took ownership of it and really made me feel like I was violating some territory-based treaty).
What also helped tremendously was that I found my dream career in Morrisville. I had another reason to be in the area besides the one I originally moved for. I found a sense of purpose by living here. I also started engaging with the community, even on days I really didn’t feel like it. I went to the Japan Summer Festival, went to concerts, watching local theatre more than being on stage, and of course, found local haunts that were available to me.
I finally found a reason to fall in love with Raleigh. That tour was the start of me making multiple connections with the community around me. I finally saw Raleigh and its surrounding communities as a part of my world, and no longer was I standing there as an outsider.
San Diego still has my heart, and always will. I still want to move back eventually, but I’ve found a sense a belonging here in NC that I’m so grateful to finally have.
What is even more extraordinary is that I was nominated by the community as a WRAL Voters’ Choice Award for Best Blogger in the Triangle! . If you’re a resident of North Carolina, be sure to vote for me here. I’m so honored and this is truly symbolic of the community embracing me as their own.
I couldn’t feel more at home right now.
When did the social media giant become the enabler of harassment?
I’ve been on Facebook for over a decade now. I’ve seen watched it evolve from “The Facebook” in college to what it is today. I remember freshman year of college when my friend told me how I needed to join this awesome website. I remember I had to use my college email to sign up and I was able to reconnect with my friends from high school who had moved out of San Diego for school. I look back at some of my first posts thanks to Facebook Memories and cringe at how cringey my 19-year old self was.
But now, I cringe for another reason. After my swimsuit pics went live on my Facebook profile and page, friend requests started flooding in. Thrilled, and after looking carefully at each profile making sure they were real people, I went through the accept and decline process. It didn’t take long to get the hang of it.
It was only a matter of time before the harassing messages started coming in. I had men messaging me filthy things, asking me for pics of my private parts, and then threatening me if I didn’t oblige. I have also been sent countless photos and videos that I can only describe as pornography and dick pics. Obviously, the block button was used. And the messages were reported. The profiles were reported.
Guess what? These guys still have profiles. They are still messaging unsuspecting women photos of their privates and messaging them threats of sexual assault and rape. They still have active accounts and profiles. Let that sink in. Facebook also doesn’t give you reports on what happened to the message you reported. It’s like it disappears into an abyss of identical reports, never to be checked or followed up on. Facebook seems to selectively decide what derogatory comments and posts stay up.
Ironically, Facebook took down a screenshot of a censored dick pic I had posted on the offender’s timeline, saying it violated their community standards. But they didn’t take down the original post the offender made on my profile, nor did they do anything about the dick pic he sent me. So, is Facebook is willing to protect the offenders but not the victims? I can’t tell you how many reports I’ve filed on Facebook in the past few months. I can guess that the number is well over the triple digits. I’m not alone. Ever since I started sharing (censored) screenshots of the messages I’ve been receiving, hundreds of women have reached out to me to share their own experience and how this is a regular occurrence for them. This is absolutely unacceptable.
What is interesting is that I don’t have the same experience on Instagram or Twitter. When I report, the offender’s account is gone in a matter of hours. I know others have had differing experiences, so maybe I was just lucky. As noted in my blog, You Should Be Grateful for the Attention, there was a convicted pedophile who had his profile up for weeks after it was reported for sending unsolicited derogatory photos. His criminal record is accessible, and there were reports sent in about his harassment of women…and yet, Facebook dragged their heels on this.
I get it…going through these reports have to suck. But it’s necessary. At this point, Facebook is merely slapping the wrists of these people, which empowers them to continue doing what they’re doing. Social media is already becoming a cesspool of negativity thanks to people using their keyboards as a security blanket. If an offender flashed someone on the street, they would be arrested. In most cases, we have a name and a location for these offenders, and yet there are no consequences. Because there are no consequences, the behavior continues in this vicious, sick cycle. It must stop.
It has to stop.
Trigger Warning: Rape, sexual assault
Bill Maher is in the headlines for more insensitive comments, this time against overweight people. His idea of how “fat shaming needs to make a comeback” as a way to combat the growing obesity epidemic isn’t a solution. It’s perpetuating an ongoing issue that fat people need and deserve to be bullied and harassed.
Last month, I was thrilled to take photos in a two-piece swimsuit. I got some amazing feedback and responses from other people who could relate to my story, were also victims of fat-shaming, and felt uncomfortable in their bodies. I was sent hundreds of photos of people in their own crop tops, two-piece swimsuits (or shirtless swimsuits from the fellas), and other revealing styles while thanking me for inspiring them to take that step.
There was another response that I had anticipated, but I was caught by surprise at the sheer volume of it all. I had men messaging me, and let’s just say what they had to say wasn’t rated G. I think I’ve received more unsolicted pics of men’s junk that I ever did while I was the dating scene. My inbox was blowing up to the point I had to uninstall Facebook Messenger. When this happened, I usually blocked and reported the offenders.
What surprised me was that the men who sent me photos of their genitals still had their Facebook profiles up. I even received reports back from Facebook that the message didn’t violate their “community standards.” I’m sorry, what? What was truly troubling that one of the senders was a convicted child rapist. Like, he was on the national offender registry for sexual assault against a child. It took almost a month for his profile to be taken down.
There were other men who had sent me photos, and I would go to their profiles to see that they had done similar, and to minors, as noted in the comments on their public posts. People are trying to report these profiles to Facebook, and when the social media giant fails to remove the profiles, people are taking to the comments to publicly declare the bad behavior (with screenshots).
I thought I reached my threshold of being shocked, I was then told that I needed to be grateful that I was getting all of this attention from men because fat girls like me don’t get “compliments” like these often. It’s like, because I’m overweight, that I need to just take the harassment and accept it. Not only that, but I’m also supposed to enjoy it? No. Actually, hell no. I know this isn’t an issue exclusive to overweight people. It’s definitely a problem within humanity.
Because I’m an analytical person, I also looked at the types of people that were harassing me. What I found interesting was that these folks were geographically in similar locations (small town America), they were typically men who were not college-educated, and they were conservative. They also had the same empty look in their eyes, and their posts indicated that they likely used illicit subtances. I don’t want to draw stereotypes, because I was harassed by a few wealthy executive-type men. This behavior isn’t exclusive to a single type of income, personality, etc.
I will admit that I found this response overwhelming because it brought back a lot of memories of being sexually assaulted. The men who hurt me told me that I needed to just appreciate and be grateful for the experience because no one else would give me this attention or want me in this way…because I was fat. When I reported my rape, I wasn’t taken seriously because surely no one would do this to a fat girl.
I find these days, being complimented on my appearance makes me cringe. I would almost prefer to be called names in regards to my fatness. Sure, the compliment-giver may mean well, but when I don’t know the person and I can’t gauge intention, I am reluctant to even say, “Thank you.”
I had to make a decision as to whether or not I wanted to continue my social media presence. I had to make a decision on how to respond to these messages and whether or not I still wanted to “call out” the men that were harassing me and sending me inappropriate photos. My method isn’t perfect. I pick and choose which ones to respond to. Most of these messages are being ignored, the sender blocked and reported, and I move on.
Today, I’m still troubled by how my assault was handled. The fact that I was told to appreciate and be grateful for the assault because it would be the “only time a man would touch me” was almost as bad as the assault itself, if not worse. What is even more troubling is watching the segment Bill Maher recently recorded and said that fat shaming needed to make a comeback. Again, it opens the issue of how just because someone is overweight, they need to be subjected to bullying and abuse because it will help them. This is only adding more poison to the mindset that justifies the rape of an overweight girl and the harassment of a human being on the street. It needs to stop.
It needs to stop NOW.
