My Experience in Haunted Gettysburg

Alex Matsuo

This weekend, I was fortunate enough to attend a field trip to Gettysburg, hosted by the Paranormal Research Society.  It was a weekend of much learning about experiencing activity in one of the most haunted places in the United States.  The last time I was in Gettysburg was in the year 2000 for my eighth grade trip.  So I was excited to go back to this historical landmark and hopefully have some paranormal experiences and investigate.

This trip also marked the first time I’ve participated in the Ganzfeld experiment.  For the last few months, I’ve been doing research to learn more about it and send anything I find to Sergey at PRS.  While I was excited to finally be able to participate, I was also a tad nervous.  I didn’t just do it once.  I participated four times.  My last Ganzfeld session consisted me being a sender, which I will go into in a moment.

Jennie Wade House – For those of you who don’t know, Jennie Wade was the only citizen of Gettysburg who was killed during the battle.  The house where she was shot is still preserved with the actual bullet holes still present and her wooden bread board hanging next to the stove.  This was where I did the Ganzfeld experiment the first time.  Adam Sedlock briefed me on what was going to happen and I put on the white shades, the headphones and faced the red light.  I heard banging during the experience, heard voices, felt like someone was walking around me, felt something play with my hair and I felt like I was in the presence of chaos.

Tillie Pierce House – This was where I participated in the Ganzfeld Experiment three more times.  The second time I participated, there were two people involved this time.  One being a “sender” of an image and the other being a “receiver” wearing the shades, headphones and facing the red light.  While I didn’t receive an image, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness afterward.  After the first two experiences, I was hesitant to participate again and I initially declined a third opportunity to do it again.  However, after making contact with a presence in the house, I was asked to do the Ganzfeld experiment again.  This time, knowing what I was looking for, I agreed.  It was a positive and enriching experience.  The fourth time I did it, I was the sender along with another person.  I have to say, it was harder being a sender than it was to be the receiver.

I believe that’s as much as I can go into since this was an experiment conducted by PRS.  It was overall a great experience.  I have many more stories from Gettysburg, and I’m still in the process of putting them into words.  I must say that it is amazing how much the battle impacted Gettysburg and permanently imprinted a presence in that town.

Do Spirits “Notice” You?

Alex Matsuo

I received a great question on the Facebook page from Sara D., who asked,

From my own personal research, I have found many share the view that by actively participating in the paranormal (ie: investigating, ganzfeld experiment) or the occult (ie seances, ouija boards) you open yourself up more spiritually and make it easier for spirits to “notice” you. Others say that it doesn’t happen and you shouldn’t worry about it. So, what is it? Be concerned or not?

What is my answer to this?  Yes.  there should be a concern and a respect for these methods and devices because they have the potential to be powerful tools.  First I will address investigating.  Investigating the paranormal is entering into a new lifestyle in general.  Your awareness of the unknown is heightened.  Now are spirits really following you, or are you senses heightened to the point where anything that moves is a shadow/ghost/spirit?  You know it’s there, and I know for me, I seem to keep an extra eye open and I notice my surroundings in greater detail than I did before I began investigating.  I believe that when you start investigating, especially going against more malevolent beings, it is possible that they will notice you and know who you are.  When you approach an investigation and you ask for communication with spirits, they know who you are.  I know investigators (including myself) who do protection rituals and make it very clear that they cannot harm me or follow me.

Now the Ganzfeld Experiment…such a fascinating element of parapsychology.  Does the Ganzfeld Experiment open yourself up to experience things you couldn’t in your everyday life?  I believe so and no.  Does it permanently leave you vulnerable to psychic and spiritual phenomenon?  It has the potential.  Does participating in this leave a permanent bullseye for any spirit to notice you and possibly go after you?  I doubt it, but I would certainly love to talk to someone about it who knows more than I do

Now when it comes to things like seances and ouija boards, that is another ballgame.  Or is it?  When investigating, you are asking for communication.  And with seances and ouija boards you are requesting communication.  It’s a fine line, but I believe there is a difference.  Seances come in many forms.  Seance comes from the French term, “sitting” or “seat” and rose in popularity when Spiritualism broke out.  There is something to be said sitting in a circle with other people trying to communicate with spirits, especially through a medium.  And with ouija boards, I have a great respect for them but I would probably never use one.  I’ve heard and experienced too many negative things tied with a ouija board, especially when it comes to the disposal of one (always bury, never burn).  Ouija boards are typically associated with bringing in an inhuman spirit.  What else is funny is that ouija boards are sold in toy stores and made by Milton Bradley.  There are also ouija board necklaces being sold.  I was actually offended when I saw this.  Paranormal investigating or “ghost hunting” is already seen as a novelty as it is.  Technically you don’t even need to buy a ouija board, you can draw a board on a piece of paper or napkin and go from there.  It’s that simple.  Ouija boards are made by toy companies, what happened to the respect of the possibility that these things can do potential harm? Wearing a necklace with a ouija board shouldn’t be a fashion accessory or seen as cute.  That could open you up for potentially negative activity as well.

Is there a safe way to use a ouija board?  I’m sure.  But you need protection which leads me into my next point.  Protecting yourself is very important.  There is a fine line between not protecting yourself and building a wall so thick that you cut yourself off from any activity.  Where do we draw the line?  It’s hard to distinguish.

In closing, when you decide to investigate the paranormal, you need to make sure you do what you can to stay safe while still allowing yourself to experience activity (at least for me, for purposes of collecting evidence and documentation).  And protecting yourself not only during an investigation but during your normal everyday life.  I started investigating when I was 14.  Looking back, it was probably not the safest thing to do, especially investigating solo as a teen with only the internet as my guide.  But it taught me so much about myself, the paranormal and how to protect myself and conduct myself on an investigation.  I’m still not an expert.  I read as much as I can and watch other teams as they do investigations.  What I want to close this post with, is that you should always be in the pursuit of knowledge.  Keep reading, keep watching, and never stop learning.

Reading Real Books

Alex Matsuo

I have yet to purchase a Kindle or anything that would force me to read from a screen.  There is something about holding a book in your hand, touching the pages, holding the book at weird angles in the pursuit of comfort, the smell of old books…the list goes on.

I’m sure eventually I will succumb to the fast pace of technology and buy a Kindle.  A good example would be if I were traveling for a long period of time and I didn’t want to carry a million books in my bag.  That makes sense and is logical.  But with the recent closure of Borders, I’ve been thinking, is this the downfall of books as we know it?  I certainly hope not.  Only because technology will fail us eventually and we won’t have a resource for some of the world’s greatest literature.  Plus, Kindle prices are that much different from buying the tangible book so…I don’t know…buy the actual book?

I’m a traditionalist I suppose.  I don’t want to cross over into the Kindle world yet.  I want to hang on to my paperback and hardcover books, curl up with a cup of tea, wrapped in blankets and read the night away.

Actor, Playwright, Director, Researcher…Superhero

Alex Matsuo

Well, not really.  I just seem to have a lot of my plate but for no reason.  It is self-inflicted.

You know you’re a nerd when you go to the library and you have to refill the meter twice and pray that you don’t get a ticket for going over the 1-hour parking limit.  I checked out some books for the group project for the introduction to the paranormal class I took from Ryan Buell.  I’m also going to be taking his demonology course in October, so I checked out some books to help myself prepare for the next few months.

I also went to Borders and found some really interesting books on Shakespeare.  Ironically, I came up with my own research topic for Shakespeare-related materials and I got the idea while working on my group project for Ryan’s class.  I’ve decided that I’m going to read Will’s text and see how many times ghosts appear and take note of anything paranormal in his plays.  I’m a bit excited, so I’m going to go ahead and get started on it…I’m not sure if it would be a good dissertation topic, but then again I’ll never know.

Speaking of dissertation…

I’m trying to decide whether the PhD or the MFA route is right for me at this moment.  Technically, I can go for both at different times of my life.  But I found an MFA program that fits me where I am right now.  The application process is a lot of work, but I think it’s manageable.  It’s at Goddard College and it’s a low-residence MFA program so that you can focus on your own creative work and mold your own program.

Anyway, I’m off to the library again.  Adios!

Suzan-Lori Parks

Alex Matsuo

One of my favorite quotes is, “You’re only yourself when no ones watching!” Well, who said it? I’ve met celebrities, well-knowns, etc.  I’ve never really been star struck, maybe the occasional, “Oh wow…that’s Alan Rickman teaching me how to be an actor” (true story).  But never really been “star struck”.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mv2ahmcZdxM]

Well, that changed for me this year.  Her name?  Suzan-Lori Parks.  She has been a source of inspiration for me for a few years now.  I had two opportunities to see Suzan-Lori Parks in person this year.  The first time was during her “Watch Me Work” session in NYC and the second time was when she came to SDSU and spoke.  And every time I saw her, I got so excited, giddy and overwhelmed.  I remembered my eyes stinging as if my eyes were welling up with happy tears.  Okay, I’ll admit it, I got so excited I started crying a tad.  I even had the chance to take her photos…but until I have permission to release them…they shall remain hidden.  My camera has captured true genius.  I also had one of my biggest breakthroughs in her presence during her “Watch Me Work” session and I had the chance to talk to her about Japanese Eyes/American Heart.  She loved the idea, the topic and my passion for it.  When I received encouragement from her, it was my confirmation.

If you don’t know who Suzan-Lori Parks is, stop.  Google, check out The America Play or Topdog/Underdog, know who she is.  Especially if you’re a theatre person.  She is brilliant.  So brilliant and a genius.  Aside from family members, if you ask me who is my biggest inspiration and who has influenced me into the artist I am today, I will say Suzan-Lori Parks.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhnGEk5eODE]

Do You Know Any Japanese?

Alex Matsuo

There was a lot of excitement the past few days…the excitement is over and now it’s back to business.  Whenever I have to explain my last name, people usually will ask me if I know any Japanese.  I know very little.  If I got off a plane in Tokyo tomorrow, I’d have the look of confusion and of course would not be able to get around without a translator.  But the knowledge of the language and culture did not come from my Grandpa.  It came from my curiosity to learn about my Grandpa’s culture, but only the Japanese part and not the Hawaiian part.  He was born and raised in Hawaii so it was a bit mixed.  My great-grandfather came to Hawaii from Japan while my great-grandmother was born in Hawaii.  People will often look at me with some disappointment that I don’t know more.  A part of me would want to shout from the rooftops and say, “It’s not my fault!”  But really…does it matter?  Why should I let this question bug me so much?

This is yet another question/issue/dilemma that I address in Japanese Eyes/American Heart.  One of the characters has a line that says,

“He was Japanese in a time and place where it was not okay.  Even if you completely Americanized yourself, you were still watched, suspected, never to be trusted.“ -(Japanese Eyes/American Heart, Act I, Scene 4)

And that’s why I don’t know any Japanese.

When I was younger, I attempted to learn from a Japanese singer named Seiji Tanaka because he made covers of American songs.  It’s kind of amusing actually…his rendition of “Saturday Night” is my favorite…and I’ll end on a lighter note for this short posting:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AyfyWREFFY]

BTW, I’m accepting artwork submissions for the play’s poster.  If you saw the first staged reading and wanted to make some artwork, contact me directly.  A few people talked to me after the first staged reading and hopefully someone is still interested.

Random Side Note:  I’ve just realized that I’ve met and worked with more well-known British actors than American actors.  I wish the United States had the same vibe as British theatre…I remember seeing my Shakespeare teacher from BADA playing a major role in “Vanity Fair”.  I’m tempted to send JE/AH across the pond and see what feedback I get since I have the connections.

Shakespearean Connections

Alex Matsuo

As I’ve been working on my play and editing out The Tempest, as I mentioned before, there’s been a void.  I spoke to my mother last night about the void and she mentioned that when she read the play, she thought the connections to the text were astonishingly strong.  A few people agreed as well who were in attendance and one of my Theatre 100 students thought that my play helped them to understand the prose.  Interesting?  Maybe.  At first, I was relieved to go through and delete Will from my play and concentrate on my own works, but I’ve been finding myself going back and re-reading other plays that might inspire me.
Maybe it’s that time of the month, or maybe whenever I’ve been writing, I’ve been more emotionally vulnerable, but I tend to cry when I write.  Not a “boo hoo” sort of way, and I’m giving myself a hard time about being cocky for being “moved by my own words.”  I always called BS on people for that stuff and now I’m finding myself guilty of the same thing.  I don’t even realize I’m affected until the tears come down my cheek.  Is this a representation of pouring my soul into this play?  I hope not.  I want to tell a good story that will move and affect people.  I don’t want people to see this play and think, “Wow, this chick has some unresolved issues that she just threw up on the stage.”
My advisor and mentor, Dr. Peter Larlham inspired me to memorize one sonnet a month.  I’ve already got one under my belt.  I really want to start falling in love with Shakespeare again.  I sort of walked away from him for a few months, but now I’m reading to get back in.  I also want to expand my knowledge of British Literature and the history behind it all.  Am I missing academic life?  It sure sounds like it, doesn’t it?
I’m also thrilled to report that many of my original actors are on board for my informal workshop next month.  I’m also looking for new actors, particularly of Japanese descent, to come as well.  I’m excited about the new possibilities that await me, and hopefully, I can maintain my sanity for 6 more weeks of my job.

Ghosts of My Past

Alex Matsuo

It’s a cheesy title.  But the best I can come up with.  This might be a tad embarrassing to talk about on my blog but this topic has been weighing heavily on my mind and it will affect the development of Japanese Eyes/American Heart.
In the play, Amaya is plagued by ghosts of her grandfather’s unknown past.  These “ghosts” are not seen in the world of the play, but can be seen in the audience’s world.  When the Shakespeare text was intertwined, the characters from The Tempest represented theses “ghosts”.  I originally kept the Shakespeare in because I’m stubborn.  It’s an ambitious decision to intertwine Shakespeare into contemporary text of my own words.  Plus, I was writing this play as my thesis for my graduate degree.  I hadn’t thought that this play would have a life outside of school.  However, I was mistaken.  It has begun to generate interest from others, hence to why I created this blog.  I realized after looking at my last few entries, I hadn’t been writing about the play development lately and for that I apologize.  When I get into my “zone” I don’t think about, “Oh, I need to go blog about this.”  I spend so much time in my books and researching, that I forget about the reporting aspect.  If you know me personally, I love being a dramaturg in theatre about as much as I love performing on stage.  It’s a way to stay involved and also learn as much as you can.  I’ve been doing so much research on Japan and World War II and how it affected Japanese-Americans that I find myself going on tangents when I talk to friends when they ask how my research is going.  Even though Little Women closed in May, I’m still sorting through research on Louisa May Alcott and her work.  I love historical research.  Period.
But now that I’ve taken the Shakespeare out, I feel like there is something missing.  I want Amaya’s interest in learning about John’s past to be more than curiosity, because my intention was more than curiosity.  It has been shaped from the void that is in me because I only had my grandpa for seven years before he passed away.  Seeing the characters I created come to life on stage brought the memories back and made the memories more real than ever.  I still get positive feedback from audience members and there is a strong consensus that the play stands well on its own without the help of good ol’ Will.
I had a few of my actors from the staged reading look at some old family photos of me with my grandparent’s in which the seven year old version of Amaya is based upon.  One took a look at the photos and said, “I can totally see the personality you wrote about in your face.”  I didn’t think it translated as well as I had thought.
Anyway, back to ghosts.  I wrote about the ghosts of my past echoing into my present.  But that’s not all of it.  My family seems to attract paranormal activity.  I’m not going to talk specifics here because I rarely talk about it at all.  But lately, I’ve been trying to educate myself in the paranormal not only for my play, but also to help answer questions that have plagued me almost my whole life.  Education aside, it’s also made me more interested in becoming an investigator and try to help people who are going through something unexplained.   Right now, I have this unexplainable drive to become more involved in my education of this realm that terrified me as a child and continued well into my teens and he offered an online class, and I took the opportunity.
I always felt like that something is motivating me to keep going with the Japanese Eyes/American Heart project.  Something supernatural and something I cannot explain.  I feel like there needs to be a story told; about identity, making peace with your past and accepting that you may never be able to know all the answers or explain everything.  How will the ghosts of Amaya’s past manifest on stage?  Will there be an actor physically leading Amaya to the medals?  Or will it be a fog machine?  Will they be actual actors on stage or will they be the result of lighting and sound designers?  I won’t put the answer here.  All I’ll say is, right now I’m focusing on memory.  If I could draw a diagram of the memories between Amaya and John…Amaya would be God-like, in it that John only exists in her memory, and therefore, his memories exist in her memory as well, but she just doesn’t know it.  Maybe next time I’ll draw something out and scan it so you can see.  It’ll probably help my actors too.
Well, that’s it for now.

First Post From My Phone

Alex Matsuo

Watch out, internet.  Alex has the powers to update her blog from her phone…

I’m waiting for a photo client right now and I was entertaining a curiosity.  However, I cannot locate a grammar or spell check so this may be grammatically atrocious. 

Okay, here’s a thought: Is being funny all that it’s “cracked” up to be?  (Oh man, I slay myself).  Okay, back to the subject.  Is it better to be serious all the time and taken seriously?  OR is it better to be a generally serio-funny person so that people acknowledge a change when things need to be serious?  Or do you save your funny side for close friends and loved ones only?

My fingers are already cramping from this entry.  So I’m done.  But this is something to think about so reply and leave a comment with your response.

The Choice to Engage

Alex Matsuo

It’s been a while.  Dealt with another split in my theatre world.  But this one was for the better and far away from me.  I started my new job which has been keeping me busy.  I’ve slightly touched on my play, added some more dialogue and more specific stage directions, etc.  But, that’s not my reason for blogging.  I’m blogging because of an interaction I had with some old people today.  Okay, they weren’t really old, maybe mid-50’s to late-60’s.
I was driving home and on my way to the freeway after having brunch with a friend.  I had both hands on the wheel, listening to the radio.  I stopped at a stop light, and while I was stopped, I grabbed my purse from the passenger’s side floor and put my phone on the charger.  Light still red.  I resumed my sitting and waited.  I heard honking next to me.  I glanced over and this man is yelling at me while making a phone out of his hand.  I could tell he was yelling at me to get off the phone, and he was being quite aggressive.  I mouthed back (my windows were up) showing both hands in the air that I wasn’t on the phone.  Then I see the man’s wife lean over with her dog in her lap and she starts yelling the same thing at me.  Well, at that point I knew I wasn’t going to convince them that I was not on the phone.  So, I flipped them the bird and didn’t acknowledge them or look back over.  I kept hearing the man honking his horn, and I kept ignoring.  Did I have the last word?  I don’t know.  Did I care?  Of course not.
I tried not to engage in the conflict as much as I could.  Of course, I couldn’t resist flipping the bird.  I really didn’t care because I knew I wasn’t talking on my phone or texting on my phone.  I simply put my phone on the charger while I was at the red light, and it took probably…five seconds?  I could have yelled back at the guy until I had a vein sticking out like him, but I chose not to.  It wasn’t important enough to me to prove to these people that they were in the wrong and I wasn’t on my phone.  I know that anything I yelled back or gestured wouldn’t do squat and they would only continue to yell at me.  And it was aggressive yelling with intense hand motions and the doggy in the lap being jerked around while the wife yelled her two cents at me.  Of course it’s bugging me slightly because I’m blogging about it.  But, I have to say, I’m human and it felt good to flip the bird, and resume my life in the serenity of my car while this man continued to honk his horn at me several more times until the light turned green.  It felt pretty good to be the calm one and in control of my emotions.  I couldn’t even tell you what happened to the couple after the light turned green.
So, why am I writing about this?  It gave me some inspiration for Japanese Eyes/American Heart.  It wasn’t the exact event and I’m not adding a scene that is identical to my experience today.  It’s the choice to engage or disengage in conflict, and the choice to start conflict.  As well as the decision to stay in control or to completely lose control.  So we shall see where this inspiration takes me.
Thanks for your reading time.