Facebook Has a Harassment Problem

September 18, 2019 Alex Matsuo3 Comments

When did the social media giant become the enabler of harassment?

I’ve been on Facebook for over a decade now. I’ve seen watched it evolve from “The Facebook” in college to what it is today. I remember freshman year of college when my friend told me how I needed to join this awesome website. I remember I had to use my college email to sign up and I was able to reconnect with my friends from high school who had moved out of San Diego for school. I look back at some of my first posts thanks to Facebook Memories and cringe at how cringey my 19-year old self was.

But now, I cringe for another reason. After my swimsuit pics went live on my Facebook profile and page, friend requests started flooding in. Thrilled, and after looking carefully at each profile making sure they were real people, I went through the accept and decline process. It didn’t take long to get the hang of it.

It was only a matter of time before the harassing messages started coming in. I had men messaging me filthy things, asking me for pics of my private parts, and then threatening me if I didn’t oblige. I have also been sent countless photos and videos that I can only describe as pornography and dick pics. Obviously, the block button was used. And the messages were reported. The profiles were reported.

Guess what? These guys still have profiles. They are still messaging unsuspecting women photos of their privates and messaging them threats of sexual assault and rape. They still have active accounts and profiles. Let that sink in. Facebook also doesn’t give you reports on what happened to the message you reported. It’s like it disappears into an abyss of identical reports, never to be checked or followed up on. Facebook seems to selectively decide what derogatory comments and posts stay up.

Ironically, Facebook took down a screenshot of a censored dick pic I had posted on the offender’s timeline, saying it violated their community standards. But they didn’t take down the original post the offender made on my profile, nor did they do anything about the dick pic he sent me. So, is Facebook is willing to protect the offenders but not the victims? I can’t tell you how many reports I’ve filed on Facebook in the past few months. I can guess that the number is well over the triple digits. I’m not alone. Ever since I started sharing (censored) screenshots of the messages I’ve been receiving, hundreds of women have reached out to me to share their own experience and how this is a regular occurrence for them. This is absolutely unacceptable.

What is interesting is that I don’t have the same experience on Instagram or Twitter. When I report, the offender’s account is gone in a matter of hours. I know others have had differing experiences, so maybe I was just lucky. As noted in my blog, You Should Be Grateful for the Attention, there was a convicted pedophile who had his profile up for weeks after it was reported for sending unsolicited derogatory photos. His criminal record is accessible, and there were reports sent in about his harassment of women…and yet, Facebook dragged their heels on this.

I get it…going through these reports have to suck. But it’s necessary. At this point, Facebook is merely slapping the wrists of these people, which empowers them to continue doing what they’re doing. Social media is already becoming a cesspool of negativity thanks to people using their keyboards as a security blanket. If an offender flashed someone on the street, they would be arrested. In most cases, we have a name and a location for these offenders, and yet there are no consequences. Because there are no consequences, the behavior continues in this vicious, sick cycle. It must stop.

It has to stop.

“You Should Be Grateful for the Attention”

September 15, 2019 Alex Matsuo2 Comments

Trigger Warning: Rape, sexual assault

Bill Maher is in the headlines for more insensitive comments, this time against overweight people. His idea of how “fat shaming needs to make a comeback” as a way to combat the growing obesity epidemic isn’t a solution. It’s perpetuating an ongoing issue that fat people need and deserve to be bullied and harassed.

Last month, I was thrilled to take photos in a two-piece swimsuit. I got some amazing feedback and responses from other people who could relate to my story, were also victims of fat-shaming, and felt uncomfortable in their bodies. I was sent hundreds of photos of people in their own crop tops, two-piece swimsuits (or shirtless swimsuits from the fellas), and other revealing styles while thanking me for inspiring them to take that step.

There was another response that I had anticipated, but I was caught by surprise at the sheer volume of it all. I had men messaging me, and let’s just say what they had to say wasn’t rated G. I think I’ve received more unsolicted pics of men’s junk that I ever did while I was the dating scene. My inbox was blowing up to the point I had to uninstall Facebook Messenger. When this happened, I usually blocked and reported the offenders.

What surprised me was that the men who sent me photos of their genitals still had their Facebook profiles up. I even received reports back from Facebook that the message didn’t violate their “community standards.” I’m sorry, what? What was truly troubling that one of the senders was a convicted child rapist. Like, he was on the national offender registry for sexual assault against a child. It took almost a month for his profile to be taken down.

There were other men who had sent me photos, and I would go to their profiles to see that they had done similar, and to minors, as noted in the comments on their public posts. People are trying to report these profiles to Facebook, and when the social media giant fails to remove the profiles, people are taking to the comments to publicly declare the bad behavior (with screenshots).

I thought I reached my threshold of being shocked, I was then told that I needed to be grateful that I was getting all of this attention from men because fat girls like me don’t get “compliments” like these often. It’s like, because I’m overweight, that I need to just take the harassment and accept it. Not only that, but I’m also supposed to enjoy it? No. Actually, hell no. I know this isn’t an issue exclusive to overweight people. It’s definitely a problem within humanity.

Because I’m an analytical person, I also looked at the types of people that were harassing me. What I found interesting was that these folks were geographically in similar locations (small town America), they were typically men who were not college-educated, and they were conservative. They also had the same empty look in their eyes, and their posts indicated that they likely used illicit subtances. I don’t want to draw stereotypes, because I was harassed by a few wealthy executive-type men. This behavior isn’t exclusive to a single type of income, personality, etc.

I will admit that I found this response overwhelming because it brought back a lot of memories of being sexually assaulted. The men who hurt me told me that I needed to just appreciate and be grateful for the experience because no one else would give me this attention or want me in this way…because I was fat. When I reported my rape, I wasn’t taken seriously because surely no one would do this to a fat girl.

I find these days, being complimented on my appearance makes me cringe. I would almost prefer to be called names in regards to my fatness. Sure, the compliment-giver may mean well, but when I don’t know the person and I can’t gauge intention, I am reluctant to even say, “Thank you.”

I had to make a decision as to whether or not I wanted to continue my social media presence. I had to make a decision on how to respond to these messages and whether or not I still wanted to “call out” the men that were harassing me and sending me inappropriate photos. My method isn’t perfect. I pick and choose which ones to respond to. Most of these messages are being ignored, the sender blocked and reported, and I move on.

Today, I’m still troubled by how my assault was handled. The fact that I was told to appreciate and be grateful for the assault because it would be the “only time a man would touch me” was almost as bad as the assault itself, if not worse. What is even more troubling is watching the segment Bill Maher recently recorded and said that fat shaming needed to make a comeback. Again, it opens the issue of how just because someone is overweight, they need to be subjected to bullying and abuse because it will help them. This is only adding more poison to the mindset that justifies the rape of an overweight girl and the harassment of a human being on the street. It needs to stop.

It needs to stop NOW.

Just Because Donald Trump Got Elected Doesn’t Mean You Can Do This

November 11, 2016 Alex Matsuo

Ever since it was declared and confirm that Trump would be our next President of the United States, I’ve seen some pretty ugly stuff. Putting my views and politics aside, I’ve noticed some awful things, dare I call them deplorable. While, I don’t want to label the perpetrators of these actions with a blanket statement as Trump supporters, many of them have been very vocal that they did indeed vote for Trump. So what’s a person to do?

While Donald Trump won the election, he has infamously done some pretty awful things
like mock a physically disabled person, trivialized the Purple Heart, insulted John McCain because he was a POW and therefore captured, made jokes about women, insulted women for their looks, etc. the list goes on. Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past year, you already know what he has done, and I won’t rehash. Despite these actions, there were Americans who still gave him their vote. Does this mean they condone his behavior? Doubtful. They likely didn’t like Clinton for their own reasons, and went with the “lesser of two evils.”

I knew it would be bad on Wednesday morning, but I never thought it could be this bad. I have a diverse friends list on my Facebook, and I was horrified to see the stories on my timeline of my friends getting harassed, and feeling like they are now in danger. The stories didn’t stop either. They were all similar, but in different locations, contexts, etc., but they all had a common theme.

Because Trump has said and done awful things during his campaign, there are many who believe that because our President elect can get away with it, so can they. Because common decency has gone out the window since the election, I felt I had to write this.

So for the ridiculously dim witted, just because Donald Trump got elected doesn’t mean you should do the following:

Tell women you can grab them by the pussy
Or worse, grab them by their genitals, breasts, etc.
Harass people of color, call them the N word
Pull a hijab, or any other headcovering, off of a person, or attack anyone who is wearing a hijab
Tell any Hispanic or ethnic person, people you might think to be immigrants, to pack their bags
Chant and shout “Build that Wall” to upset people
Intimidate people with your gun while they’re minding their own business and living life
Draw swastikas on fences, buildings, parking lots, etc.
Be a bully
Make fun of disabled people
Tell members of the LGBTQ community that Trump and Pence are going to get rid of them
Yell at people in the grocery store because they look different than you
Violate the rights of people other than yourself
These are just a few things I’ve read from friends and people in general. For more, click here.

Trump’s election gave validation to some pretty awful people who now feel like they can get away with the above actions because “the President can do it and still get elected.” While you have the right to free speech, it only protects you from being punished by the government. It doesn’t protect you from the consequences of being a jerk, since others can also exercise their free speech rights. We still have laws and people still have rights. Violate those rights, hurt someone else, invade someone’s space, steal their property, basically crimes against people, you’ll get arrested. This goes both ways to the right and the left.

Not all who voted for Trump are like this, aka bad people. There are people who voted for Trump who are horrified by these actions.

But calling democrats and liberals whiners isn’t going to do anything to help mend the divide that has been ripped between us during the past year. Also, saying that “everything is going to be okay” just trivializes a person’s fear and pain right now. Showing empathy and understanding will go a lot further than making someone feel like their anxiety isn’t valid.

However, Trump’s presidency has a lot of people scared, including myself. I worry about our future. Those who didn’t want Trump to be President are mourning, they are angry, and they are understandably upset. Give them the space to do so. Offer compassionate dialogue and reassure them it’s going to be okay.

To any Trump supporters who are reading this and are getting offended, prove the rest of the world wrong. Show empathy to those who are hurting, hold Trump accountable for the generalized things he said. If you see your friends and family doing something similar, please, hold them accountable as well. PLEASE SPEAK OUT against the hate, the crimes, and the words that other Trump supporters are saying. Demand that it stop! These people are created the stereotype for the group you are being lumped into.

Demand that Trump makes a public statement condemning the violence, the racism, the sexism, the misogyny, the bigotry, etc. Demand that he publicly condemns and sets himself apart from the upcoming KKK parade that will be happening in North Carolina. If Trump can make it known that he doesn’t agree with the actions that have been done and the words that have been said in his name and Presidency, that is a huge step into getting it to STOP.

Even if you want to say, “But-but the liberals and Democrats and Hillary are doing it too!” What do I say to that? Be the bigger person. Be the BETTER person that you know you are. Please do not resort to this childish cop-out.

You can still support a candidate, or now President elect, and hold them accountable. I know there will be conspiracy theorists who will say this was all done by liberals posing as Trump supporters…whatever helps you sleep at night. At this point, PEOPLE need to be held accountable.

Once we rise from the ashes, we need to focus on coming together and uniting so that America has a fighting chance of getting through the next four years.