Tag: sexual harassment

Spirits and Shadows: Navigating Sexual Harassment in the Paranormal Realm

Alex Matsuo

Welcome to a candid exploration of a topic that often lurks in the shadows of an otherworldly realm—the prevalence of sexual harassment within the paranormal field. As enthusiasts and professionals dedicated to unraveling mysteries beyond the veil, it’s crucial to shed light on a disturbing reality that affects our community.

In this blog, I’m going confront the misconception that sexual harassment can be dismissed as mere flirtation within the paranormal context. I’ll unravel the layers of this issue, emphasizing why there is no excuse for such behavior and why it is imperative to address it head-on.

No cloak of mystery or ethereal aura can justify the violation of personal boundaries. I’ll delve into the reasons why there is absolutely no excuse for sexual harassment, underscoring the impact it has on individuals and the collective spirit of our paranormal community. By holding individuals accountable for their actions, we aim to preserve the integrity and positive energy that should define our shared pursuits.

Confronting the reality of sexual harassment becomes even more challenging when it involves someone familiar within our paranormal circles. I’ll provide guidance on navigating the delicate process of addressing accusations against someone you know. I’ll also explore the importance of supporting victims, encouraging accountability, and fostering an environment that prioritizes the well-being of all community members.

Join me on this journey of introspection and empowerment as we strive to create a paranormal field free from the shadows of harassment, where our shared passion can thrive in an atmosphere of mutual respect and genuine connection. I’ll be using three statements I’ve recently heard as starting points for discussion.

“But the person has a sex addiction.”

Using sex addiction as an excuse for sexual harassment is problematic for several reasons. Firstly, it can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and misunderstandings about sex addiction itself. True sex addiction is a complex and often misunderstood psychological condition that involves a compulsive and harmful relationship with sexual behaviors. Using it as a justification for harassment may trivialize the struggles of those genuinely dealing with sex addiction.

Secondly, attributing harassment to sex addiction can divert attention from the responsibility of the harasser for their actions. It’s essential to recognize that sexual harassment is a behavior rooted in a misuse of power and a violation of consent, irrespective of any underlying personal challenges.

Thirdly, framing sexual harassment as a symptom of sex addiction may contribute to a culture of victim-blaming. This approach could shift the focus away from supporting and protecting the victims, placing undue sympathy on the perpetrator instead.

It is crucial to address sexual harassment through a lens of accountability, consent, and the promotion of healthy attitudes towards relationships. This involves holding individuals responsible for their actions and fostering a culture that condemns harassment while providing support and understanding for those genuinely struggling with mental health issues, including sex addiction.

“They were just flirting.”

Labeling sexual harassment as flirting perpetuates a harmful misconception that undermines the importance of consent and contributes to a culture that normalizes inappropriate behavior. Flirting involves mutual interest, respect, and the intention to create a positive and consensual connection between individuals.

Sexual harassment, on the other hand, is an unwelcome and often offensive behavior that violates personal boundaries, disregards consent, and creates an uncomfortable or hostile environment. Mischaracterizing harassment as flirting dismisses the serious impact it has on the victims, downplays the violation of personal boundaries, and fosters a culture that tolerates inappropriate conduct.

It is crucial to differentiate between genuine, consensual flirting and behavior that crosses the line into harassment. By using accurate and clear language, we contribute to a society that values respect, communication, and the importance of mutual consent in all interpersonal interactions. Addressing sexual harassment for what it is helps create a safer and more respectful environment for everyone.

“I’m running a paranormal event and have already booked a person with accusations as a guest. What do I do?”

Ensuring the safety and well-being of all event attendees is paramount. In cases of sexual harassment accusations against a guest, it is crucial for event organizers to take these allegations seriously, even when hard proof may be lacking. The potential risk and harm associated with such incidents demand a proactive and empathetic response.

While the legal system may require evidence to establish guilt, the absence of hard proof does not diminish the significance of addressing these concerns. Ignoring or downplaying accusations can create an unsafe environment and perpetuate a culture of silence that discourages victims from coming forward.

Event organizers have a responsibility to prioritize the safety and comfort of all attendees. Implementing thorough investigations, providing a confidential reporting system, and taking appropriate actions, such as restricting access or removing the accused party if necessary, contribute to fostering an environment where individuals feel protected and supported.

By taking a proactive stance against sexual harassment, event organizers contribute to creating spaces where everyone can enjoy themselves without fear, emphasizing the importance of a culture that values the well-being and safety of all participants.

“The person in question is my friend. What do I do? Who do I believe?”

Discovering that a friend has engaged in sexual harassment is a challenging situation that requires careful consideration and decisive action. It’s crucial to prioritize the well-being and safety of potential victims while encouraging accountability and personal growth. Here are steps to take if you find out that your friend has been involved in such behavior:

  1. Believe and Support the Victim:
    Start by believing the victim and providing emotional support. Let them know that you take their experience seriously and that you stand with them.
  2. Confront Your Friend:
    Address the issue with your friend directly but without confrontation. Express your concern, let them know you’ve learned about their actions, and make it clear that such behavior is unacceptable.
  3. Encourage Accountability:
    Encourage your friend to take responsibility for their actions. Acknowledge the impact of their behavior on others and emphasize the importance of learning and growth.
  4. Suggest Professional Help:
    If appropriate, suggest seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, to address the underlying issues contributing to their behavior.
  5. Distance Yourself if Necessary:
    Depending on the severity of the situation and your friend’s response, consider distancing yourself if you feel it’s necessary. Prioritize the safety and well-being of others.
  6. Report if Necessary:
    If the harassment involves criminal activity or if you believe there is an immediate threat, consider reporting the behavior to the appropriate authorities.
  7. Promote Education and Change:
    Encourage your friend to educate themselves about consent, boundaries, and respectful behavior. Advocate for positive change and growth.
  8. Reflect on Your Values:
    Take time to reflect on your own values and boundaries. Consider whether maintaining the friendship aligns with your principles and whether it is healthy for you and those around you.

Remember, addressing sexual harassment is a delicate process, and your actions should prioritize the safety and well-being of potential victims. If you ever find yourself uncertain about the best course of action, seek guidance from professionals or organizations dedicated to supporting victims of harassment.

In Conclusion

Hopefully, I have unveiled the unsettling specter of sexual harassment and dismantled the notion that it could ever be disguised as innocent flirtation. This exploration has emphasized that there is no excuse for such behavior, challenging us to uphold the standards of respect, consent, and inclusivity that should define our shared passion.

As we all navigate the shadowy corners where harassment persists, remember that our collective strength lies in accountability and empathy. By supporting victims, holding perpetrators responsible, and fostering an environment that prioritizes safety, we wield the tools to banish sexual harassment from our community. Together, let us forge a future where the pursuit of the paranormal is not tainted by shadows, but illuminated by the shared commitment to creating a space that is welcoming, secure, and empowering for all.

Sexual Harassment: Exposing the Dark Side of the Paranormal

Alex Matsuo1 Comment

When the #MeToo movement became a national story in October 2017, it exposed sexual harassment in nearly every community around the world. Millions of women came forward sharing their own story with the hashtag #MeToo. It really brought to light the ongoing issue of sexual harassment around the world. When you see the numbers on paper, there’s no denying there’s a problem. However, there seems to be one community where the movement hasn’t been embraced; the paranormal community.

Sadly, this doesn’t mean that the paranormal community has been spared from the awfulness that is sexual harassment. This past year, it has become apparent that this is an ongoing issue with women (primarily) in the field. But it does affect all genders (male, female, nonbinary, genderqueer, pangender, etc.).

Sexual harassment is defined as, “unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and
other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature…when submission to or rejection of this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual’s employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual’s
work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.”

But as we know, sexual harassment happens beyond the workplace. In the situation of the paranormal community, it is happening among colleagues and friends. The United Nations has created a comprehensive list that not only defines sexual harassment but breaks down the different types of harassment from verbal to non-verbal.

According to a 2018 article from NPR, more than 3 out of 4 women have been verbally harassed. Part of the statistics included cybersexual harassment, which is the most common form of harassment in the paranormal community. A non-profit called Stop Street Harassment found that 81 percent of women and 43 percent of men had experienced some form of sexual harassment during their lifetime.

This survey focused on folks 18 and older, and the results are from 2018.

What do these statistics mean for the paranormal community? Think about how many people are in the community. This means that it’s extremely likely that you’ve interacted with a victim of sexual harassment. It’s an awful pandemic that continues to happen and too many victims are suffering in silence.

But why is no one talking about it? Simply put; victims are either afraid to come forward or they come forward, but no one listens.

A Barrage of Messages

About a year and a half ago, I did a photoshoot in a two-piece swimsuit. In case you don’t know what I look like, I’m plus size. I did it for myself since I had never actually worn a two-piece, even in my skinnier days. I did it as a way to claim my positive body image. It was about body positivity and embracing who you are. Overall, it was well-received. But it also sent me thousands of friend requests and hundreds of inappropriate messages. These messages ranged from harmless flirting to full-out threats of sexual assault.

When I clicked the profiles of these people, I was shocked to see just how many mutual friends I had with them. These mutual friends were all from the paranormal community. They were in Facebook groups, they were on Twitter replying to paranormal celebrities. These people had a presence in the paranormal. They’re being called, “Brother” by my friends in the community.

The more I shared my story, the more people came forward to share their own stories. Often, we had the same harasser. I was also shocked to hear that people I had worked with were also offenders. But just because I had a positive experience with that person, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t capable of sexually harassing others.

Why This Happens

My story is not unique, nor was this the first time I received inappropriate messages. There are countless women and men in the paranormal community who are met with this on a daily basis. This is an ongoing issue that continues to be swept under the rug. Especially when the offender is a star in not just the paranormal community, but also the entertainment industry.

Whether we like it or not, there is a hierarchal structure in the paranormal. It’s also a world where professional lines are often blurred. Perps will take advantage of their status in the paranormal world, abusing their position of power.

The victims who have shared their stories to me have stated that they didn’t report it or come forward because they’re worried they would across as overreacting. Or, they’ll negatively affect their team/event/TV show, they don’t think anything can be done, or…they’ll face repercussions in the paranormal community.

Under the Rug

It’s frustrating when your offender is called, “Brother” by your peers. Ironically, it’s para unity that is the driving force in silencing victims.

It’s hard for people to acknowledge that their brothers and sisters in the paranormal are perpetrating sexual harassment and assault. Instead of facing the issue, folks in the paranormal community dismiss the incidents as lies. Or worse, sweep them under the rug.

Paranormal community members should not have to deal with such issues in order to investigate a location, get media opportunities, or even to become a mod or admin in a group. Everyone has a right to investigate free of harassment regardless of age, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, identity, experience, etc.

Toxic Positivity

This just doesn’t affect the paranormal community, but also the spiritual community. We have to stop discouraging people from talking about sexual harassment because silence is condoning the behavior. Progress won’t be made if we keep discouraging hard conversations. Furthermore, we need to stop teaching that this behavior is normal and to be expected. Instead, we need to start having the conversation of how to stop tolerating it, especially if the harassment escalates in in-person.

We need to stop silencing victims, especially when they are trying to warn others of their harasser. It only encourages survivors to remain silent. There is a tremendous amount of guilt that can come with silence, especially if someone else ends up suffering because of said silence. Even if you don’t feel comfortable saying something for yourself, consider saying something for the next guy or gal that will endure the same treatment.

For the ones encouraging the silencing, especially claiming that “like attracts like” and insinuating that sexual harassment comes from talking about, just stop. Again, if someone else suffers because you silenced someone trying to speak out, that weighs heavily on your conscience and it can be a deafening and humbling experience.

How to Move Forward

Every paranormal group and organization needs to have a policy and protocol on sexual harassment. If you don’t know your group’s policy, ask about it.

To bring further awareness of sexual harassment in the paranormal community, I would also like to do a survey. Because I want to do it right, I’m going to need some help. If you are interested in assisting me in creating this survey, please contact me.

One of the strongest statements one can make is to confront the harasser directly. If someone is speaking to you in a way that you don’t want to be spoken to, say things like, “Please don’t talk to me like that.” Or “Please don’t touch me.” Say what you see, say how you feel, say what you want, and walk away. An example would be, “You made a comment about my body. I didn’t like it. Do not do that again.” Then, leave the conversation safely.

If you don’t feel comfortable confronting your abuser or reporting it, record it in great detail and tell other people about it. Keep any evidence or proof of inaction plus timelines, dates, etc. You can do this with something like a detailed diary entry. There are also tracking worksheets and downloadable templates in various anti-sexual harassment toolkits online. Venting to Facebook can be a cathartic experience. But it doesn’t always help progress with solving the issue unless you call out your abuser by name.

We need to stop tolerating this abusive behavior because “it’s going to keep happening” or treat it like some rite of passage. There need to be more conversations about sexual harassment in the paranormal community. By coming together, perhaps we can stop it, or at least discourage it and send a message that it will not be tolerated in the community.

How to Support Victims

The paranormal community must watch out for each other and encourage others to speak out. Even if you have only been a witness to sexual harassment, you have still experienced a hostile environment. You are indirectly being victimized by the behavior. This means you have the right to report on your own behalf. In addition, many abusers are repeat offenders, so when you report an incident, you are not just doing it for yourself, but also for the countless others following you.

If someone comes forward to you and tells you that they’ve been sexually harassed or abused, be there to support them. Also, ask them how you would like to support them. This is also important; never out someone by sharing their story. It is not your story to tell. Encourage them to speak out, but also respect their decision to not come forward. Here is a great resource on how to help survivors of sexual assault.

Personal Stories & Quotes

To close, a few people have graciously contributed their own stories and quotes on how to move forward in the community. Please note that these stories and experiences may be upsetting.

Since first embarking on my journey in the paranormal field I’ve encountered sexual harassment and biased at an alarming rate. When I began investigating at 18 years old I had no sense of right from wrong or how to deal with the situations I would be thrust into. The lack of confidence in myself or worth as an investigator has me accepting behavior that today I would firmly stand against. Well-known individuals speaking down to me as a woman, only allowing me on projects if I looked a certain way, coping feels in the dark are just a few scenarios I had to learn the hard way how to handle.

I’ve been sexually harassed by fellow teammates, banned from certain projects due to not wanting to get intimate with males involved, spoken down to during interviews, or told “Ill learn with more experience” when I clearly stated before I had worked on the specific topic in question…it’s a never-ending fight of showing the value in my experience and knowledge outside of how I appear physically.

My message to females in the field is we do not have to continue accepting this narrative. Our work is just as valid as our fellow male investigators. We should not have to succumb to sexual harassment, being belittled, told we have to wear certain clothes, or that our work is less than because of our gender. Stand true to your morals and know that any project that lessens your spark or dulls your spirit is not meant for you. The right ones will value you and never make you feel uncomfortable.

– Melody Knapp

Years ago, I won a trip to go on an investigation with a semi-local team. My wife and I road with the founder for a torturous 4 hours. I was insisted on riding in the front with her. Two hours into the drive is when shit hit the fan. The remaining drive was spent on the founder complimenting how young and attractive I was, grabbing my arms and squeezing. The worst was the stories of her fantasy world where she has multiple boyfriends and what kind of acts they have talked about doing and her asking extremely personal questions about me and my wife.

I tried to be calm and not listen because, well, we were not in our vehicle, we were almost there, and we had already paid our portion for the location. Plus, there were going to be investigators we really wanted to meet there. My wife and I both kept changing the subject, and we both were completely disgusted and just ready to get out the vehicle with her.

Once on location, things were finally better. For awhile. Just before bed, the founder was clearly under the influence, and the harassment was back. My wife was still investigating, and this lady was just stumbling. I didn’t want her to fall and hurt herself, so I kind of stuck by close. She then intentionally “fell” on me in the chair and that was her excuse for grabbing my… well you get it. Needless to say, we hitched a ride elsewhere and never spoke to them again.

– Anonymous

There are too many creepers out there. They’re in all walks of life, granted. We should be calling out their atrocious behavior and standing up to them whenever we see it.

Women deal with this every day in every aspect of the world. It‘s far too prevalent in our field. I’ve heard horror stories from female investigators who were harassed, propositioned, sleazed and creeped on, by males who seemed to think it was not only acceptable, but *entertaining.*

We should not stand by and let this shit happen. It’s a black mark against everybody who stays silent and tolerates it.

– Richard Estep

Resources

United Nations – What is Sexual Harassment

Sexual Harassment | U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

RAINN & National Sexual Assault Hotline. Free. Confidential. 24/7

Stop Street Harassment

Sexual Violence is Preventable – CDC

“You Should Be Grateful for the Attention”

Alex Matsuo2 Comments

Trigger Warning: Rape, sexual assault

Bill Maher is in the headlines for more insensitive comments, this time against overweight people. His idea of how “fat shaming needs to make a comeback” as a way to combat the growing obesity epidemic isn’t a solution. It’s perpetuating an ongoing issue that fat people need and deserve to be bullied and harassed.

Last month, I was thrilled to take photos in a two-piece swimsuit. I got some amazing feedback and responses from other people who could relate to my story, were also victims of fat-shaming, and felt uncomfortable in their bodies. I was sent hundreds of photos of people in their own crop tops, two-piece swimsuits (or shirtless swimsuits from the fellas), and other revealing styles while thanking me for inspiring them to take that step.

There was another response that I had anticipated, but I was caught by surprise at the sheer volume of it all. I had men messaging me, and let’s just say what they had to say wasn’t rated G. I think I’ve received more unsolicted pics of men’s junk that I ever did while I was the dating scene. My inbox was blowing up to the point I had to uninstall Facebook Messenger. When this happened, I usually blocked and reported the offenders.

What surprised me was that the men who sent me photos of their genitals still had their Facebook profiles up. I even received reports back from Facebook that the message didn’t violate their “community standards.” I’m sorry, what? What was truly troubling that one of the senders was a convicted child rapist. Like, he was on the national offender registry for sexual assault against a child. It took almost a month for his profile to be taken down.

There were other men who had sent me photos, and I would go to their profiles to see that they had done similar, and to minors, as noted in the comments on their public posts. People are trying to report these profiles to Facebook, and when the social media giant fails to remove the profiles, people are taking to the comments to publicly declare the bad behavior (with screenshots).

I thought I reached my threshold of being shocked, I was then told that I needed to be grateful that I was getting all of this attention from men because fat girls like me don’t get “compliments” like these often. It’s like, because I’m overweight, that I need to just take the harassment and accept it. Not only that, but I’m also supposed to enjoy it? No. Actually, hell no. I know this isn’t an issue exclusive to overweight people. It’s definitely a problem within humanity.

Because I’m an analytical person, I also looked at the types of people that were harassing me. What I found interesting was that these folks were geographically in similar locations (small town America), they were typically men who were not college-educated, and they were conservative. They also had the same empty look in their eyes, and their posts indicated that they likely used illicit subtances. I don’t want to draw stereotypes, because I was harassed by a few wealthy executive-type men. This behavior isn’t exclusive to a single type of income, personality, etc.

I will admit that I found this response overwhelming because it brought back a lot of memories of being sexually assaulted. The men who hurt me told me that I needed to just appreciate and be grateful for the experience because no one else would give me this attention or want me in this way…because I was fat. When I reported my rape, I wasn’t taken seriously because surely no one would do this to a fat girl.

I find these days, being complimented on my appearance makes me cringe. I would almost prefer to be called names in regards to my fatness. Sure, the compliment-giver may mean well, but when I don’t know the person and I can’t gauge intention, I am reluctant to even say, “Thank you.”

I had to make a decision as to whether or not I wanted to continue my social media presence. I had to make a decision on how to respond to these messages and whether or not I still wanted to “call out” the men that were harassing me and sending me inappropriate photos. My method isn’t perfect. I pick and choose which ones to respond to. Most of these messages are being ignored, the sender blocked and reported, and I move on.

Today, I’m still troubled by how my assault was handled. The fact that I was told to appreciate and be grateful for the assault because it would be the “only time a man would touch me” was almost as bad as the assault itself, if not worse. What is even more troubling is watching the segment Bill Maher recently recorded and said that fat shaming needed to make a comeback. Again, it opens the issue of how just because someone is overweight, they need to be subjected to bullying and abuse because it will help them. This is only adding more poison to the mindset that justifies the rape of an overweight girl and the harassment of a human being on the street. It needs to stop.

It needs to stop NOW.