My Skewed View of Death – According to Steve Huff

May 23, 2015 Alex Matsuo

I’m not an avid follower of Steve Huff, who runs Huff Paranormal. However, I do watch his stuff from time to time. I have to give the guy credit, as he has drawn a very large audience with his work and giving exposure to the paranormal field. He has made a name for himself specifically for the fact that he released a video of his communication attempts with Robin Williams, after the famous actor committed suicide. I’m not going to comment on that. This blog is specific to his published session where he tried to communicate with the late B.B. King, who passed away on May 14, 2015 in his sleep.

On May 15th, Huff posted a video where he tries to communicate with King, at the request of over 50 of his followers, per the screenshot below.

Steve Huff posts his session with BB King.

Given that 24 hours hadn’t even passed since the singer’s death, I had a moral issue with it. Given that I recently dealt with a devastating death myself, I found the timing to be extraordinarily distasteful. So, I let Huff know how I felt.

According to Steve Huff, my view of death is skewed and negative. My comment was not to defend the dead, but instead, speaking for the grieving. As paranormal investigators, we seem to forget that the dead were once living people. Regardless of how long ago they died, they left behind loved ones who mattered to them far more than what we matter to them. If the deceased had the choice to communicate with us, or their loved ones, I’ll take a gamble to say that they will gravitate towards their loved ones.

The grieving people left behind are the ones who are suffering. They are the ones screaming and crying at the loss of their precious family member who is no longer with them. No longer can they hug them in this world, tell them that they love them, hear their voices speaking to them. That void is devastatingly fresh after a loved one passes.

Sometimes, there is a difference in doing the right thing, and what the public wants. Sometimes the public doesn’t want you to do the right thing, but instead they want you to indulge their curiosities and needs. Feeding the beast isn’t always the right thing to do.

Perhaps my view on death is skewed and negative right now…and yeah, that is because my mother died less than 6 months ago. I miss her, and I would give anything to have her back with me. But that isn’t possible. If that makes my comment silly and irrelevant, so be it.

To Steve Huff (if you’re reading) and his defenders/fans, this is who I am speaking up for:

How would Shirley King feel about Huff’s session with his Andre’s Box and SCD-1?

While I can’t speak for her, I can relate to Shirley King in this picture, as it has been me since January 30, 2015. I still scream and cry, even though almost four months have passed. When you have lost a parent, your rock and your foundations are gone. It is a pain that I wish on no one. But it is a pain that I wish more people have compassion and sympathy for. But in truth, I doubt that Shirley was even offered an option or a choice.

There is a certain decorum that we as a society follow after someone dies. Typically, people gather and come together to support the people left behind by the deceased. There is the process of grief that we all feel when we lose a loved one. Those who come together in support understand that there are cues to follow in terms of what the grieving are ready to endure. What that is can vary from making funeral arrangements to getting out of bed. Grief is a funny process that can leave you catatonic on some days. In connecting this with the paranormal, I feel that even if establishing communication could lead to the Holy Grail of data, the grieving needs to be considered.

I’m not going to question whether Huff really made contact with B.B. King, as I feel it is moot. It is the very action of trying to establish contact with a dead celebrity, and then post it for the public right away without any regard to the grieving. Just because someone was famous, doesn’t mean that they are fair game for continued exploitation after death for views or social media followers. They deserve better than that. Their living relatives that are left behind deserve better than that. These people are not research tools…they are human beings. I personally feel that if Huff was genuine in his actions, he would have privately contacted King’s family (or representatives) to let them deal as they decide on what to do with the data of THEIR deceased member of THEIR family.

In closing, that decision should not have been made for them.

The Performance of Ghost Hunting Part II

April 7, 2015January 6, 2023 Alex Matsuo

This blog is a continuation of “The Performance of Ghost Hunting, Part I“

The critically acclaimed actress Fiona Shaw also volunteered to have her brain scanned, where she would switch back and forth from “acting” in the MRI machine to doing static actions such as saying the ABC’s and counting numbers. The results were that while Shaw was acting, she was using a part of her brain that was responsible for visualization. This caused me to question whether this could also lead to the potential of having some sort of psychic abilities, or in the very least, develop empathic abilities since the very essence of acting is to emulate life and present different emotions with legitimacy. However, every actor hasn’t had his or her brain scanned. But based on the fact that Shaw is an extraordinary actress, the brain activity occurring during her performance may very be similar as to the brain activity of those who use the same performance process as Shaw. Given the success rate of the Ganzfeld by artistic people, it is interesting to consider that since the experiment is partially dependent on the send of images and video, the send creates their own visualizations in their mind and send it over to their fellow artist, who may use the same part of their brain.

And if the actor’s visualization skills are stronger than the average person, perhaps it could be the reason why actors are more vulnerable. Actors and musicians are also able to channel in their emotions more efficiently so that they’re available during their performance or writing their own pieces. Could this vulnerability lead to a higher chance of having ghosts interact with these artists? I don’t think that it is a stretch to hypothesize that performance could be summoning these ghosts even those the performer has no intention of doing so. Or is it possible that the actor could be using that energy in creating their own ghosts so to speak? Like thoughtforms of characters? The actor has a much larger role in theatre hauntings than they expect.

Then we have the factoring in of the actual ghost hunts that are taking place. Ghost hunting really is a performance from the perspective of the ghosts are your audience members, and you are saying certain words and doing certain actions for the purpose of getting a response from the ghost, just as when the actor performs on stage, they are anticipating some kind of reaction from laughter to tears. But just as an actor can have a bad performance, the ghost hunter can have a bad investigation. Maybe the wrong questions were being asked, or the ghost hunter and the ghost just weren’t connecting. It can be hard to figure out exactly where the investigation went wrong. But there are things that the ghost hunter to do to ensure a smoother time, which includes doing your historical research as well as making a completely game plan of the events of the investigation.

Even in our day-to-day routine, we are in the midst of a performance until we are alone at home. In the same sense, ghosts are constantly in performance mode as well. Think about it. They might be unaware of the amount of energy they carry, and with the wrong movement, they could reveal their current state. Or if the ghost has a message to send, and is in desperate need to get the sender’s attention, the ghost may put on a performance to make sure that they are being listened.

On that note, will we ever reach a time where we will no longer expect a performance from ghosts and just allow them to talk? That will actually be my next communication experiment at the Tenth. No more expecting “yes” or “no” answers, but instead, just allowing them to talk. Once I approach an investigation in that way, collecting tangible evidence would be more difficult, unless I was able to obtain better equipment that was more sensitive and could play back the information that was collected.

The performance of ghost hunting places responsibility on both sides of the investigation relationship. It is a tug of war relationship between the ghost hunter and the ghost, as they continuously trade roles from performer to audience member, and then back again. However, unlike the ghost hunter, the deceased are forced to perform when requested by the ghost hunter. I almost want to imagine circus animals that are being chained to their cages while the ringleader cracks their whip to get them to perform. In some cases, the ghost hunter may threaten the presence with religious objects such as crosses or threaten to force the deceased to cross over to the other side. The investigation process, while this will be ironic for me to say, shouldn’t be a performance like this, but instead a mutual agreement to engage in conversation and finding the most productive method of establishing that communication. The need to impress or outdo other teams is primarily responsible for the circus-like spectacle since a team’s value seems to lie upon whether they can capture the best evidence or not. While evidence collection is important, it is being used for the wrong way. Which is probably another reason why we have so many people trying to pass off their photos of dust as evidence of a ghost, or why people are faking evidence so that they can get their 15-minutes of fame. It really is a shame, and it does nothing more than harm the research field for the paranormal, and it is the reason why this community has yet to find widespread respect.

Perhaps I am not one to talk since I was interviewed by public television about the Tenth Avenue Theater, but that opportunity came about unexpectedly, and I did not ask for the interview. The field right now is flooded with people who are using the paranormal to gain a celebrity status. Is it right? I don’t know. If I were to criticize it, I would also have to criticize those who use theatre to get famous as well. It is a hard line to tow indeed. As a believer in karma, and the mindset of “what goes around comes around”, I wonder what price we will have to pay for putting the deceased out there in the public eye and not only making them perform tricks, but forcing them to become entertainment for our own pleasure.

I have mixed feelings about guided ghost tours that take place night after night. While I love the idea of having access to haunted locations and investigating, I often find that these tours are there for the specific purpose of entertaining people. So, in this case, the audience is the tourist. I do pay for my ticket to be a part of the ghost hunt, and I often find myself being the most experienced in the group, with the rest of the attendees borrowing equipment from the host team and going around ready to jump at the first sight of a ghost. I have distinctly mixed feelings because while I feel like it is a great opportunity to expose more people to the paranormal field, it is also subjecting the deceased to being performers, all the while the teams that are hosting these tour are proclaiming that they care about the ghosts. When these tours are happening year round and people are paying a good chunk of money to be a part of the experience, I find it comparable to running a circus and cracking the whip on the animals while saying you care about them under the same breath. I have also noticed that these ghost tours actually outnumber any historical research based tours. You can tell whether people would rather learn about history or be entertained, and so which direction is society heading?

It seems that we are at an impasse, both the living and the dead trapped in the world of continuous performances. Even in life, we perform all the time from our work duties, to tasks that need to be taken care of at home. With each changing social circle, our audiences change and thus, our performances change. I don’t act the same way at home as I do with I’m with my best friend at a bar enjoying a drink. In death, it should be our time to rest. But with the constant popularity of ghost hunting, it may be a while before the dead gets a hint of peace and quiet, or “rest in peace” so to speak. Is this what we have to look forward to after we die? It is a wonder why ghosts would even stick around and bother to communicate with the living world in the first place. What if the connection with the living world is worth being objectified and turned into a performer? Or perhaps, the messages from the other side are crucial enough to share that the living world needs to be an audience for these paranormal performers in order for them to receive these messages.

The Performance of Ghost Hunting Part I

March 30, 2015January 6, 2023 Alex Matsuo

This is a two-part post about my studies into the relationship between performance and the act of ghost hunting.

A performance is typically defined as an event where there is someone who is presenting something, and there are a group of people observing. This definition of performance is not limited to only theatres or television and movies. A performance can take place at nearly any time of day at any kind of location. Performances can happen at school with the popular crowd, and they can happen at ghost hunts. Scholars have written thousands of book on performance studies and there are even degrees dedicated to the discipline. As a society that is ever growing and changing on a regular basis, there are so many different types of performances out there that appease almost every person out there. From traditional musicals that warm the heart, to the heart-wrenching dramas that influence someone to call their mother to tell them they love her, to the soul shattering avant-garde performance that makes you analyze what it means to be human….performance is an essential part of our existence that is necessary in order for us to survive and thrive.

Before we dive into the performance of ghost hunting, let us take a moment to consider the relationship between performance and spirituality. The earliest roots in theatre lie in ancient Greece in something called, “ritual reenactment”. Back before theatre and performance was established, the ancient Greeks wanted to honor the gods by telling stories of their greatness. This initially began as “oral tradition” where someone would dramatically tell stories of the gods, with an audience watching. The audience would then become performers themselves and spreading the stories around like wildfire. With ritual reenactment, these early performances including singing hymns and performing some kind of movement.

To keep this along the lines of being the abridged version, the villages and tribes began to compete with each other by adding costumes, live music, and written texts in their performances for the gods. One could argue that the original audiences were the gods, and the transition from performing for them to performing to fellow humans was one of the breakthrough moments in the creation of live theatre. Overall, theatre is a very spiritual experience, which the philosopher Aristotle argued that it was needed for the purposes of catharsis, meaning the purging of emotions. If you have ever cried during a movie, you had a cathartic experience. Catharsis was seen as a necessity for cleansing the soul.

With the thought in mind that theatre was originally intended to be spiritual and for the gods as a gift, is it a surprise that there are rumors about theatres being haunted in the first place. Some of my favorite cliché ghost stories come from the urban legend of haunted theatres from the spurned woman in white who lost her chance to be on the stage to the Macbeth curse causing shenanigans in each production, there is a strong connection there. Until the media came into existence with television and film, theatre was the vehicle for expressing society’s belief in the paranormal, and you can watch that belief evolve over time by just analyzing the plays from each time period.

I suppose that the title of this article can be misleading, as it is not an article on how to perform a paranormal investigation or ghost hunt, there are enough of those books out there on the market. Instead, it is a venture into a theory that theatre people, whether they are actors, tenant, directors, dancers, etc. they are inadvertently capturing the attention of the ghosts and causing a performance from both the living and the dead. Artistic people are interesting enough on their own, and I would not be surprised if a ghost chose to attempt communication with an artistic person over someone whose not. I will say that artists are very open-minded to the world around. Could they be lifting a psychic wall around them and making them more vulnerable to having some sort of communication with the other side? If you were dead, and you couldn’t find a way to communicate with the living, and you found someone who could hear you, wouldn’t you do whatever you could muster up to catch their attention? The answer is probably yes. But this isn’t a performance. That is the lost seeking out a solution. When the situation is reversed, and there is someone trying to communicate with a deceased person, the ghost isn’t able to communicate in the way that they used to in life, so they have to pull out the dramatic displays in order to get their point across. I would imagine that this is an extremely frustrating endeavor.

The most obvious example of performances in ghost hunting is in paranormal reality shows that became increasingly popular in the early 21^st century. It is a far cry from ritual reenactment and the once cathartic experience that was the performance space. I think perhaps the reason why for this widespread popularity was the fact that the paranormal is an unknown area of knowledge. You can’t get a college degree in paranormal studies and many people who do come forward with experiences in the public eye are portrayed as being insane and not to be taken seriously. At the end of the day, these production companies need to make money. You make money by drawing in an audience, and you keep that audience by continuing to make your show entertaining. I won’t say that the “paratainment” business has sullied the investigation field, but instead, has brought exposure to the paranormal and hopefully making people more open-minded about the existence of ghosts. In the last ten years, there has also been a dramatic rise in the number of ghost tours at numerous haunted locations, where a group of people will go ghost hunting for a night while locked in a building with a guide. The paranormal reached a new height when it came to monetizing the potential interactions with the dead, which many people pay big money for. But because the factor of money is now included in the experience, I have to wonder if along with tickets being paid, if there was an expectation of goods to be delivered (such as a paranormal experience). In turn, does this turn ghosts into entertainers? And if so, what does this mean for the ghosts at the Tenth should Jeff decide to move forward with the guided ghost tours?

I would like to say that my investigations and research into the building have not subjected the ghosts into being put into a situation where they are being asked to perform tricks, since I don’t expect them to ever perform for me. If they choose not to communicate, while I may be disappointed, I acknowledge that it is their right to not talk. But another researcher from the outside looking in may have a different opinion. Where is that fine line between requesting communication and asking the ghosts to essentially perform tricks? I suppose that it is all in the eye of the beholder and the ghosts that are being placed in that situation. If you were to ask me what my long-term goal was for the Tenth, it would be that someday the most prestigious researchers in the paranormal and psychic phenomenon visit the Tenth. It would be great to be able to secure the building for a weekend (at the very least) and let these researchers loose in the building and see what comes of it.

Performers, in terms of actors, dancers, musicians, and artists, seem to be completely different people compared to business professionals or those who don’t consider themselves to be artistically minded. For example, let us go back to the Ganzfeld experiment, which is the sensory deprivation experiment that leads to the altered state of consciousness. There was a study conducted in 1992 where the American Society for Psychical Research used twenty of the most gifted students from the Julliard School in New York City and put them through the sender-receiver experiment. The results were extraordinary because there was a success rate of 50%, which was double the success expectation rate. The facilitators of the experiment, Charles Honorton and Marilyn Schlitz then used eight musicians for the remainder of the experiment. Six out of the eight students either had direct hits or a 75% success rate. Again, these are extraordinary results. The theory behind this success rate was due to the participants; especially the musicians have a dissociated state of mind. Very much like meditation, being dissociated is very much like the feeling of being on autopilot and disconnecting from the outside word. According to John G. Kruth, the executive director of the Rhine Research Center, jazz musicians who often improvise their music will go into this state as they play, channeling the environment around them as they make up their own tune. What would happen if we allowed a bunch of actors to go in and ghost hunt for a night? What kind of results would come up from the night? If we go by the results of the study of the Julliard students and the Ganzfeld experiment, it seems as though there could be potential of a productive interaction with the ghosts.

Ready for more? Here’s Part II.

Schadenfreude: Where You Get Your Happiness Says A Lot About You

July 13, 2014 Alex Matsuo

The word for the last two months that have been mentioned to me the most often is “vindication” in regards to whether I’m feeling vindicated or not. Here’s the thing…when it comes to the downfall or misfortunes of other people, whether it’s lost money or ruined reputations, I’m numb when it comes to those emotions. I definitely don’t feel good about anyone going through a hard time, and I actually feel pretty bad for those kind of situations. And when it comes to feeling “vindicated”…the damage was done and the scars exist, and the best thing to do is move forward and not look back. The flaunting of the feeling of being justified with decisions that were made that worked in my favor in relation to another person’s misfortune, just reflects my own insecurities and frankly, bitterness that has yet to be dealt with. While I can’t understand why anyone who legitimately cared for another person could feel anything positive from someone else’s bad time…is it right for me to judge them? Honestly, I don’t know. I mean, who am I to judge someone else? I’m just as guilty of these actions as the next person. It’s human nature.

So, instead of going with the judgment angle, I’ve been really working on approaching situations and people with love. You know…it’s really tough sometimes. But I have learned a lot from doing this because I’ve found that the only people who really get their jollies from bullying, writing passive aggressive posts, or making fun of someone else are truly miserable people. Woops, I’m judging again. But really, I’ve never seen a happy person make fun of someone for their appearance, speech, or their efforts in different areas. Most of the people I’ve met who really are happy and loving don’t do that.

As a society, we need to start focusing on building people up rather than bringing them down. Not only is it the right thing to do, but getting satisfaction over bringing another down or over someone’s misfortune won’t do any good for your own character and well-being. However, we’re all human…and we can’t be perfect all of the time. So I guess the best that we can even do is do the right thing when we can and correct the situation when we go wrong.

Where we receive our satisfaction is a direct reflection of our character. So, essentially, what I’m saying is…get satisfaction from the uplifting of people. Because getting satisfaction from the opposite will just expose the ugly side of your character, and do you really want that?

On a more lighthearted note…I couldn’t resist the elephant in the room that the other word for this blog would be “schadenfreude”, which reminded me of the song from the musical, Avenue Q. Enjoy! *Note: There is some language and contains adult content.

Responsibility

July 5, 2014 Alex Matsuo

Well, first of all: Shame on me. It’s been 5 months since I’ve updated this blog. But I’m happy that it’s still getting a ton of traffic for my Shakespeare posts (now I know what the audience really wants).

Anyway, now to catch you all up to my life as I know it thus far. Wild Party opened and closed, and it was a great show to be a part of. I made some wonderful new friends and connections in the Raleigh theatre community. I also decided to start doing a podcast for the theatre community in the Triangle area. I’ve been slowly collecting interviews and I hope to debut the podcast “Triangle On Stage” in August.

Speaking of shows, I’m a part of the cast of Xanadu at North Raleigh Arts and Creative Theatre and will be playing in September. If you’ve ever seen the original god-awful movie with Olivia Newton-John, you probably know that the musical is all camp and overall just fun. I’m really excited to be a part of the show and so far the rehearsal process has been all smiles. Plus, I get to bust my skates out again!

So, let’s get to business. I’ve gone through a whirlwind of a year since moving to Raleigh on June 1st, 2013. My life has changed in many unexpected ways. While initially it may have seemed like the events of last year were the worse thing to have ever happened to me, looking back…I feel like I might now understand what the Universe (or God) was trying to do.

Anyway, I’ve really been working on “me”, specifically when it comes to forgiving myself and taking responsibility for my actions of basically my entire life. I had a wise friend who gave me a heart to heart, because even after things calmed down, I still wasn’t all that happy. This friend told me that I needed to start taking responsibility for my actions in why I wasn’t happy. Of course, hearing this was at first very startling and doesn’t seem like the right thing to say to someone who was having an emotionally difficult time. But the reason being is that, I was living like a victim. And thus, it was a perspective that didn’t give me any control over my life. My life, my choices, etc. are all related to where I am exactly now. The important thing I needed to do was to take responsibility for my actions that I had control over, and then forgive myself. Interestingly enough, once I started forgiving myself, it was easier to start forgiving others.

The other part of this was also acknowledging where I didn’t have control, and to let certain things go, and to not continuously revisit the painful chapters. In the case of my stalker, it was a time where I let him make me feel like I was powerless and I lived in fear for several months before finally taking him to court to get the restraining order, which was granted because he waived his right to a hearing and consented to my testimony in court. I cried when that happened…it made me reconsider my relationship with God because I felt as though He finally threw me a bone. I would never wish what I went through with my stalker on my worst enemy. It was a frightening and awful experience that still leaves me looking over my shoulder all the time.

When I look at the people who wronged me today, I just feel sad for them and my heart goes out to them. I feel sad for the people who still hold grudges and post passive-aggressive messages knowing that it will do nothing to head towards a resolution. But, these are all doors that I’m in the process of closing. Looking back just leads to reopening those wounds and revisiting the pain on a regular basis, and I can’t do that to myself anymore. Do I hope for a resolution in the future? Of course. But I’m not going to tear myself apart anymore because it’s not happening.

And that’s taking responsibility by taking care of myself, and for the first time ever, doing things to help place myself on the road to genuine happiness. I have a job that I love, I have wonderful friends that I’ve made since moving here, I’m in a show and doing what I love, and I got the apartment of my dreams. I can’t really complain right now, but I also don’t want to count my chickens before they hatch because life always has that way of reminding you to appreciate the little things in life like having a roof over your head and food in your stomach. Basically, I’m enjoying life right now and not taking it for granted. Why?

Because it’s my responsibility to do so as a member of the human race.

What Pearl Harbor Means To Me as a Quarter Japanese Woman

December 7, 2013December 7, 2020 Alex Matsuo

You may be seeing this, or something similar floating around the Internet today:

Just before 8 a.m. on December 7, 1941, hundreds of Japanese fighter planes attacked the American naval base at Pearl Harbor near Honolulu, Hawaii. The barrage lasted just two hours, but it was devastating: The Japanese managed to destroy nearly 20 American naval vessels, including eight enormous battleships, and almost 200 airplanes. More than 2,000 Americans soldiers and sailors died in the attack, and another 1,000 were wounded. The day after the assault, President Franklin D. Roosevelt asked Congress to declare war on Japan; Congress approved his declaration with just one dissenting vote. Three days later, Japanese allies Germany and Italy also declared war on the United States, and again Congress reciprocated. More than two years into the conflict, America had finally joined World War II.

Many people will see this and take a moment to remember. Many may have had family who was serving at the time and was attacked at Pearl Harbor and survived…or worse…perished. But this truly lives in infamy. For many, it meant that the boys would become men and drafted into the military to serve their country.

But what about those who looked like the enemy? What of those who were of the same ethnicity as the ones who attacked Pearl Harbor?

You probably can’t tell from looking at me, but I’m a quarter Japanese on my mother’s side. Which means my mother is half Japanese from her father’s side…my Grandpa.

Growing Up on Empty

Growing up, I adored my Grandpa. My memories of him are still very potent. He played with me, took care of me while my Mom was at work, take me to baseball games, go on walks with me every day, even when he was tired. He would also take on the role of a father figure when my Dad was unable to be more involved in my life. When I was younger, I did look a bit more Japanese, but I didn’t even notice the eyes or ethnicity. He was my Grandpa.

I was a little over a month shy of turning 7 when he died on December 3rd, 1992 (almost exactly 51 years after Pearl Harbor). It’s a day that still rocks my memory as I remembered how sad everyone was, and my Grandma telling my cousin, “We’re going to lose him.”

We did lose him. Considering he died when I was so young, I really didn’t get a chance to get to know him.

Learning from the Past

My Grandpa in his Army uniform circa 1940's — My Grandpa in his Army uniform circa 1940’s

It wasn’t until I was much older when I began to dig deep into his past. Even more so when I was working on my play, Japanese Eyes/American Heart, loosely based on my Grandpa’s experiences during World War II after Pearl Harbor. I knew of the internment of Japanese-Americans very blandly because my Grandpa had siblings either interred or they served in the military.

My Grandpa was born in Honolulu, Hawaii to Isokichi and Suga Matsuo. Isokichi was born in Japan and got on the boat to Hawaii in 1900 not too long after Japan opened their borders. Suga was born in Hawaii. My Grandpa was born in 1920, and in 1940, he enlisted in the United States Army.

I have no doubt that December 7th, 1941 affected him. Given the location and WHO attacked Pearl Harbor, I imagine there was much worry and concern of how it would affect his family.

His older brother Roy, was sent to Jerome War Relocation Center in Southeastern Arkansas.

Roy's entry in the National Archive's in the Japanese Relocation/Internment Records, — Roy’s entry in the National Archive’s in the Japanese Relocation/Internment Records,

His brother Ted, served as a medic in the famed 442nd to Company F, and was wounded on the second day of combat near Sasseta.

There are also several Matsuo’s who went to relocation centers such as Manzanar and Heart Mountain. I’m still researching and confirming whether they were a part of my family.

And then there was Keijiro (or as I knew him, “Uncle Kei”). I’m going to let Ted’s wife, Dorothy Matsuo explain what happened to him, and she recounts in her book, Boyhood To War: History and Anecdotes of the 442nd Regimental Combat Team:

“Ted Matsuo described the incredible experience of his brother, Keijiro, who had earned an electrical engineering degree from Indiana Tristate College and had gone to Japan to work because no one in the United States or Hawaii would hire a nisei electrical engineer. Keijiro had lived for a time with his brother in California, where he enjoyed diving for abalone and lobster off the coast of Monterey. The FBI was aware of his dives and accused him of mapping the sea floor for the Japanese. He was arrested, but because of lack of evidence, he was given the option of volunteering for the military in lieu of being incarcerated. Because they denied him officer status, Keijiro refused military service and was incarcerated at Sand Island. He was later released and drafted for the engineer battalion in Hawaii” (Matsuo 22).
Dorothy Matsuo, Boyhood to War (22)

Struggling with Identity

I’ve joined several communities full of Japanese Americans. I find these groups to be my sanctury to explore my identity, race, and talk history about our family. Ironically, the folks who have commented on “how Japanese” I look have been white men. But then that goes without saying, what is exactly Japanese? How is it that I’m accepted as Japanese American by others in the Asian community but not to white men? It really messes with your mind.

I’ve had people who have known me for years eventually asking me if I’m part Asian. It’s there, it’s always been there. And it shows that people either “look for the whiteness” or just make very basic assumptions on my appearance. Since I have red hair = Irish = white. I’m more Japanese than Irish if we want to get technical.

Filling in the Gaps

The internment of Japanese Americans has been swept under the rug for years….until recently.

Thanks to many films, and a new musical called Allegiance starring George Takei, Lea Salonga, and Telly Leung, which I had the pleasure of seeing at the Old Globe in San Diego in 2012 I’ll admit that I was incredibly touched by the show and I found myself crying on several occasions. I hope that this marks more awareness of Japanese American internment. If you’re in Los Angeles, check out the Japanese American National Museum. While living in San Diego, I often visited the museum and it was an emotional experience every time. There are several museums dedicated to Japanese American history, and many of the relocation centers are being restored and preserved being turned into museums themselves.

So as we reflect on this day, let us remember how much it impacted the present of the time, and the future. For me, while Pearl Harbor and the internment of Japanese Americans didn’t directly affect me, it meant the lack of knowledge on the that part of my family’s history, and not getting a chance to connect with the Japanese culture.

My Grandpa's retirement packet with a letter from Harry Truman thanking him for his service in WWII. — My Grandpa’s retirement packet with a letter from Harry Truman thanking him for his service in WWII.

Statement Regarding My Paranormal Affiliations

December 3, 2013 Alex Matsuo

Since July of 2013, my only affiliation with any paranormal team has been with Association of Paranormal Study (APS), the team I founded in 2011, as well as having the privilege of an honorary membership with Evermore Paranormal.

My previous involvement with other paranormal groups has raised questions about the integrity and business practices of my team, APS. During my recent time with a previous team, I was employed from in December of 2012. In July of 2013, I turned my full focus to the Association of Paranormal Study.

At APS, our mission statement is

“To promote the study and research of the paranormal field by bringing together, encouraging, and growing the paranormal community by building knowledge through workshops and lectures, hosting public investigations in local places in the city. And finally performing private home investigations for clients with a solution based practice in order to provide thoughtful and productive resolution to the clients and presence.”

We do this by helping our clients in any way we can in three different team locations; San Diego, Mid-Atlantic, and North East. All business practices conducted by the Association of Paranormal Study, its directors and investigators, are held to the upmost standards. Any business practice of previous teams in which I was employed does not reflect, in any way, the way we conduct ourselves at APS.

Thank You Hater(s)!

October 30, 2013 Alex Matsuo

I found this by accident. I love everything about it. The song is catchy, and accurately describes the haters I’ve encountered, regardless of direct or indirect insults. It’s almost like a love letter so to speak. This is simply amazing. If this awakes dragons, lions, trolls, etc. they don’t have a sense of humor.

Nothing Else Matters Because I’m Fat

August 30, 2013 Alex Matsuo

Being a fat person has exposed me to the widest variety of insults and jokes. Whether they’re said to my face or behind my back, whenever someone really wants to insult or get to someone, they comment on their weight. Being fat has become the ultimate haven of experiencing below-the-belt insults.

It also seems that when one is fat, the quality of the person goes down. People judge character based on weight. Don’t believe me? Let’s take some of my own experiences. I was recently called fat via social media by a chain smoker. Of course, when someone speaks up to defend a fat person, the comeback is “well they shouldn’t be promoting an unhealthy lifestyle” as they light another cigarette.

Ironic, isn’t it? Perhaps we need to look in the mirror before judging.

Furthermore, who gave thin people the badge that gives them the right to be called good people and shame fat people? Shaming based on size has become huge (excuse the pun) in our modern society. There’s fat shaming and skinny shaming. It appears that insulting one’s appearance is much more powerful than commenting on the person’s actual character.

For example, I was made to feel insignificant, basically not intelligent enough for certain endeavors that I’ve chosen to embark upon by my chain-smoking buddy. Even though I have a Masters degree in my chosen path, I wasn’t smart enough or qualified enough, and then proceeded to comment on my weight and how I needed to spend my time and energy on becoming less of a fatass.

This is where, “Nothing else matters because I’m fat” comes from.

I’ve done mission work in third world countries, I’ve worked with special needs children, I’ve volunteered hundreds of hours into non-profits and charities, I’ve worked with inner city children…but I’m fat. Therefore whatever I do is moot because I am large.

Of course, this isn’t true. Some of the most intelligent people I know are overweight and/or obese.

When someone posts a photo of themselves, and they’re overweight and celebrating their body image, the comments I see from naysayers/trolls the most are, “You shouldn’t be promoting an unhealthy lifestyle” or “You’re celebrating that overeating is okay.” Here’s the thing, of course being overweight is unhealthy. If someone feels fabulous at 500 pounds, that’s awesome! If someone is 500 pounds, eats healthy, exercises every day…that’s great! For me, I know the [my] human body isn’t meant to carry the amount of weight I’m carrying. But ya know what? It’s no one’s business but my own. Other people’s weight and health is nobody else’s business but my own. I sit in an airplane seat just fine so it shouldn’t bug the person next to me. Yeah, I might be an awkward sight at the gym, but at least I’m there. People are fat for a variety of different reasons ranging from health to emotional. Is it my business? No. Nor is the reason why I’m fat is anyone else’s business but my and my family’s. Weight is a personal concern.

If I’m a bad person, tell me I’m a bad person, don’t comment on appearance. Throwing insults takes more than just appearances (pun intended).

Like most people, fat people (or fit/skinny/chubby/bulky/curvy/etc people) are not perfect. Even people who are comfortable in their own skin aren’t perfect. We all come from different backgrounds, we’ve made mistakes, we’ve hurt others, we’ve been hurt, we regret our actions…it’s all a part of being human. This is a journey of mankind.

What needs to be looked at are the people who feel like they have to insult weight and body image in order to hurt others. Maybe they’re feeling so insignificant about themselves that they have to project their own hurt and insecurities onto others. They aren’t worth your time or taking up space in your head or heart. Are they bad people? I don’t know. I’m biased. Considering that words have so much power, a fat joke can make a person purge after eating, and self-confidence can be instantly shattered with a fat comment. Like being fat means that they’re less of person.

Guess what? No matter what your body size is, you are not less of a person.

What makes you less of a person is the fact you have to tear others down by commenting on their body image to make yourself look powerful. Making memes and insulting photos of fat people is nothing more than a pissing contest to see who can be the most powerful. People who comment on appearances in order to make themselves look good are the lowest on the totem pole emotionally and they have to make sure that someone else feels bad too, because hey, misery loves company. Think about it, have you ever seen or heard an emotionally happy, sane, and healthy person go around spewing negativity like that?

Instead of commenting on body image as a reflection of inner character, perhaps we just need to start looking at the person beyond the fat and beyond the physique. Being fit doesn’t automatically make someone a good person, nor does being fat automatically make someone a bad person.

If someone calls you fat for the purposes of making you feel bad, let it slide off your back (easier said than done, I know). Because the person who said the hurtful comment is most likely feeling insignificant in some way, and in their minds, insulting you gives them power. Don’t give them that power.

Weight does not equal character.

Making Friends As An Adult

August 26, 2013 Alex Matsuo

So…since moving to Raleigh, I’ve learned something huge. Making friends as an adult isn’t quite as easy as one might think. In San Diego, I had friends from church, high school, college, work, and doing shows. I am a pretty social person, so the culture shock of moving to Raleigh and being stripped of a social life in the physical world was a big overwhelming at first.

Luckily, I actually had a few friends from college who lived in Raleigh so I had some social time with them. But I still had the life of a loner and I was (and still am) very homesick.

I did a few things to cope with the loneliness:

I called my friends.

I can’t tell you the last time I actually picked up the phone and called a friend. With the world of texting, it’s turned into a cop-out when it comes to communication. I can’t tell you the feeling of hearing familiar voices and actually talking, and using verbal communication. For the first time ever, I’m living alone in my own place and I never actually thought about whether I opened my mouth to talk or not. I live in my head and don’t talk to myself out loud, I think I unintentionally took a vow of silence one day.

I wrote letters and postcards.

I took a piece of paper or a postcard and I wrote to some friends. With the world of email, texting, and messaging, this is a practice that’s on its way to becoming lost. There’s something about sitting and writing with a pen or pencil a letter to a friend. It was rather pleasant really.

I didn’t forget the friends I have already

It wasn’t until now that I fully appreciate the social networking ease that is Facebook. I think I chatted more in the last three months than I ever have in the time that I’ve been on Facebook. If you’re feeling lonely or need some interaction, a quick hello on Facebook can do wonders.

But what did I do to start making new friends?

I started auditioning.

Even if I wasn’t right for the show, I went and auditioned for any play, film, or musical I could find. I needed to start making my face known in the theatre

community anyway, and if I booked a show, I’d be spending a substantial amount of time with these individuals. I did get cast in a show (yay!) and I’m having a blast.

Get involved in areas that are familiar to you. Whether it’s wine, gardening, working out, etc. go out and get involved.

I joined a social networking site for friends and dating.

Okay, it’s a step above Craigslist (I haven’t been able to cross that line yet), butI’ve actually met some

pretty cool people through a few websites. If anything, having a beer with a stranger makes you learn about others and yourself. Of course, I was guarded and had to use a fly swatter to get away from the creeps, but that’s real life anyway. 😉 But crazy thing: There are websites for friendships now. No longer do people have to go through dating websites just to make new friends.

Joining Meetup

Meetup.com is a pretty cool website where you search for meetup groups based on hobbies, interest, and lifestyle. I’ve actually made some acquaintances who I socialize and spend time with outside of the Meetup group. Do I dare call them friends? I think so.

Work

Probably the place where you’ll spend most of your time and where you’ll interact with people on a regular basis. I’m blessed in the fact that the people I work with are awesome, along with being very loving and welcoming.

I became the neighbor Mr. Rogers would be proud of

Living on the second floor and working odd hours, I happen to run into my neighbors often. Instead of my usual keeping my head down and just walking by, I keep my head up now, smile, and say hello. One of my neighbors helped me with my groceries the other day, and he also happens to be a cop. The community I live in also has social events, and while I skipped the last one, I’ll go to the next one.

Enjoy the downtime

This was probably the most difficult one for me to swallow. Getting the chance to sit back and enjoy the quiet and enjoy the downtime has turned into something very special. Going out or talking to someone every day and evening was something I’ve done for years, and the only downtime I really had was sleeping. Rarely did I ever put time aside for my own spiritual well-being and took time for myself.

Okay, maybe this isn’t the best how-to on making friends, but it’s a start. If you just moved to a new city where you don’t know anyone, you’re not going to make much progress just sitting at home and doing nothing. Don’t be afraid of going out by yourself. Making new friends in a new town is all about getting out there and reaching out.

Making new friends and putting yourself out there all over again is scary. It reveals a vulnerable part about yourself, and if you were a social butterfly in your old element, it’s even scarier to have to start over. I miss my friends back home dearly. But I’m also very grateful for the people I’ve met here in Raleigh and look forward to seeing what new adventures await.