Superhero

February 6, 2013 Alex Matsuo

I started a new residency this week at a new school. To sum up the gist of my job, I basically show Kindergarten-5th grade teachers how to integrate the arts into their curriculums. There’s a lot more to it, but for sake of not boring anyone, I’ll leave it at that. I love my job, it can be exhausting at times, but I get to work in something theatre-related and teach the next generation of students. I have a tendency to get attached to my students. What can I say? I’m a sucker for hugs, high-fives, handshakes, and toothless smiles. I love seeing this kids grow from being shy children to completely letting go on stage and becoming a character. I especially love training teachers and seeing them grow and develop and become phenomenal artists, whether they realize it or not.

Anyway, today I had a student whose a four-limb amputee (for the sake of the internet, his name is going to be omitted). I’ve worked with kids with special needs on a regular basis, even working with children with autism and having them perform Shakespeare and Moliere on stage. These kids I especially have a soft spot for because they are the most creative artists and they surprise me so much with the things they come up. And not to mention how genuinely happy they are to be a part of a group and feel included by their peers. While it’s trying, it’s very special and I consider it a privilege and an honor. I end up learning a lot each time. I learn about myself and what it is to be human.

My student whose a four leg amputee really excelled in theatre today. We worked with mirror activities and I taught them how to warm up and this student truly led by example. Even though he was missing his limbs, the movements he created were amazing. I would have thought he was a modern dancer. The way he expressed himself and took the plunge into all the activities was astounding.

Before we got into the activities, I was talking to the kids about imagination and how actors can be whatever they want to be. They use their imaginations to become characters and be able to do things they usually can’t do in reality, or so they think.

The student asked with wide eyes and a smile, “Can I even be a superhero?”

Yes, student…while you may not know it yet, you are already a superhero.

How Do You Want to Represent the Paranormal Field?

January 20, 2013 Alex Matsuo

Let me make this very clear:

I am not writing this as the director of the Association of Paranormal Study.

I am writing this as a member of the paranormal community, and I claim responsibility for my statements. If you disagree with anything, do not take it out on APS. You all can comment on this blog or email me. I’m fairly certain that those who disagree with me will investigate me, discredit me, etc. and that’s fine. Do what you will, and have fun. If my words offend you, please take a moment and think about why. Then put me on full blast. I’m ready for it. I will be respectful to you. Comments with bad language that don’t make any grammatical sense will not get a response.

I usually reserve this blog for my theatrical research and my life outside of the paranormal field. Since these are my words alone, and I want these words to have no association with any group I am a part of, I made the difficult decision to put it here. Does it mean that you’ll start seeing paranormal related posts on this website? No. At least not until I want to remain independent when it comes to an opinion and avoid hurting any of my associates.

The fact that I even have to do this is absurd, which leads me into the topic of this blog: How do you want to represent the paranormal field? This is an honest question. In what direction do you want to see the paranormal field head?

The first thing I need to hash out are the words paraunity, paracommunity, parafamily, and any other “para” play-on-words you can think of that basically means, “Hey, we are into the paranormal and we love each other because no one else understands us.” Ever since I “officially” joined this community, I’ve been given the speech about coming together as a community and how we all need to stick together. As fine and dandy as that it is, I don’t think everyone really knows what they want with “paraunity.” This term is used to define a sense of family, togetherness, and unification towards a common cause. We can all joke with ourselves and say paraunity exists, but in related it does not…at least not on a large scale. And it’s time that the paranormal community sits in the hot seat and goes on time out.

ORIGINS

I have been a researcher of the paranormal since I was a teenager. Even in the age of the Internet, I utilized my library and being an introvert whose too emotional, I took solace in books and being by myself. I didn’t intentionally avoid the paranormal community until I was in college. I even investigated by myself, taking what I learned in these books and putting it to action. I wanted to understand my own experiences and try to recreate them for validation. I did this by myself as a loner. I didn’t connect with any teams or reach out to anyone on the Internet. I was truly alone.

Now that I’m in my mid-late twenties and out of graduate school and officially an “adult”, I finally had time to get on the Internet and find out what was out there in terms of the paranormal. I joined a bunch of online groups and forums, started taking online webinars to help my own research and learn new things, and finally, network.

LESS RESEARCH, MORE DRAMA

As my journey as an outsider transitioned to an insider of the community, I started noticing truly disgusting things about the paranormal community; blatant lying, trash talking, faking evidence, and more. Was this really coming from the same people who promoted paraunity and parafamily? I was floored. Immediately, I became blacklisted by certain people for having different views or questioning things. You would have thought I robbed their house or beat up their child at school. And as I moved up the ranks in a well-known paranormal team, I discovered rumors being spread about me and why I got to where I was, and just plain lies. I saw colleagues and friends being publicly humiliated on Facebook and having lies being spread about them because they questioned evidence. I saw a widower publicly mocked and called a fraud for having his “feelings hurt” after his wife died and criticizing him because he wanted to start an organization about paranormal safety (that one still makes me sick to my stomach). I also saw those new to the field and not as well researched in the field get publicly blasted for posting bad evidence. I saw name-calling, swearing, and disrespect. It felt like I was on a bad reality TV show that made the Jersey Shore look like Emmy Award-winning entertainment.

And yet these are the same people calling for unity and wanting to further the field of the paranormal into a serious field.

I will be honest. I believe the idea of family and unity in the paranormal community is a myth. It’s something that people hide behind. The term gives people a false sense of security, as they confide with strangers about their paranormal experiences and disclosing intimate details about their personal lives, which that stranger can abuse in the future. It’s really pessimistic of me to think this, but I’ve had people in the community abuse my confidence. Now, there are people are really alone in their lives and they have no one else to talk to, and if they get lucky and find someone out there who can help them, great! These people that I just described are the victims. They are the innocent bystanders who watch this drama between the seasoned investigators and experts and they are the ones who decide they won’t deal with it and they leave. That is the biggest loss in the paranormal community. They are the ones who are the most heartbroken when things fall apart. I advise these people to be careful of who you talk to and how much information you disclose to strangers on the Internet. I’ve had people be completely nice to me to my face and then turn around and say the nastiest things about me. I’ve had people pretend to be my friend in attempts to get information out of me. I’ve had people blame me for their mistakes or literally, frame me. I’ve had people cut me off because of what someone else said to them about me. Sounds like something out of a daytime drama.

HOW DO YOU REPRESENT THE PARANORMAL?

There are many investigators who want the paranormal field to be respected by fellow researchers and scientists in the world. But let me ask you this, do you actions reflect your professionalism? When you rip someone apart on Facebook while using vulgar language, is that how YOU want to REPRESENT the paranormal community? It seems as though those who are more in the spotlight get attacked the most. Is that because of jealousy? Is it because they are more in the hot seat than other teams? I don’t know. And it’s not my place to speak for those people. But we need to look at our actions as paranormal investigators and decide, do my actions further this field or make it go backwards? Do the things I post on my team’s page show that I should be taken seriously as an investigator? And for those who are pursuing more exposure through radio, television, film, and online broadcasting, you have a bigger responsibility because you will be more accessible to the public eye. And do your actions reflect the field in a professional and positive light?

Also, the more exposure you get, you’re going to get criticized. Be prepared to deal with it and handle it with class and grace. As someone very wise once told me, “Don’t dish it if you can’t take it.” Playing victim doesn’t help your case either. If you are only producing defensive rants on your pages instead of quality paranormal research findings, you are not positively contributing to the field. When you are approached with criticism (constructive or…less constructive), how do you react? Your reactions dictate your maturity level and how open you are to criticism.

It seems as though certain investigators and teams seem to think that the only way that they can get credibility and fame is to rip apart another team. There are websites and Facebook pages out there dedicated to exposing frauds in the paranormal. The first image that came to mind was someone being condemned to the stocks in medieval times. Granted, there are teams out there intentionally faking their evidence, and they should be held accountable for their actions, and there are very qualified people out there to do it. But sometimes teams post bad evidence out of ignorance. It happens. They might be new to the field or exhaustion got the best of them. Do they deserve to be humiliated and embarrassed? No. In those cases, any hope of a learning experience or a teachable moment is gone. There are ways to expose fraud in the paranormal with your reputation in tact and making it a teachable moment. It requires a little extra research and actually talking to the guilty team, but are you willing to put out that energy?

But then, as I looked at these sites and groups, I noticed that they are starting to attack groups for holding events, making films, or just even existing. I was astonished. Bt the worst part was, they are using such poor grammar and language. Call me a prude, but I take a lot of value and highly respect someone who can express their case with classy language. Calling people “fucktards”, “tards”, “assholes”, “douchebags”, “motherfuckers”, doesn’t impress me, and I’m sure it doesn’t impress others. Again, this all goes back to how YOU want to REPRESENT the paranormal field.

Also, these sites are calling for people to call the attorney general, the police department, etc. Okay, if there’s no real fraud happening and you don’t have hardcore confirmation, please don’t waste taxpayer money. Witness testimony is flawed. People lie, embellish and exaggerate on purpose. Memory is unreliable. And to be honest, it’s easy to part a fool from their money. There. I said it. If someone is willing to pay a psychic $500 to tell them the things they already know. Fine. If someone is willing to use a team that charges to investigate. Fine. It’s going to happen, and we all need to get over it. I don’t like it as much as the next person. But I’ve found that calling people out only creates animosity, hurt, and anger, and it doesn’t do anything to create a solution. You know what you can do to combat this. Promote the fact that there are teams who don’t charge.

MORE RESEARCH, LESS DRAMA

Why spotlight the negativity and the frauds? Why is there no [popular] place to praise and showcase the investigators and teams who are doing great things to further the field? Why is the negative getting all of the attention? The best thing you can do to the people you believe to be frauds is not call any attention to them and let them be forgotten. Let the legacy of those who are making positive contributions get the glory and the attention and let them get the immortality.

Also, let’s face it, next to photography; paranormal investigation is probably one of the most expensive hobbies out there. Unless you have a TV show, a book, etc. that is making you income. But for the majority, this is a hobby for many; a hobby that people work their jobs to support, a hobby that people must be really passionate about. It’s actually more than a hobby; it’s a way of life. So why are we wasting our time promoting the negative, the fakes, while using cursing to try to get our point across? Why can’t we all just get along? Live and let live. Leave the other teams alone. Use that energy to raise the standards of paranormal investigating by leading by example. And if your colleague gets a TV show, a job in the field, etc. Be happy for them and support them. If your colleague disagrees with you on a topic, brush it off, discuss it, and move on. Paraunity isn’t the idea that everyone agrees with the same thing, it’s the mutual understand and mutual respect of each other, even if you don’t agree with them.

Unfortunately, I am a realist, and nothing can ever be universal. This dream and hope of paraunity will likely never exist on a large plane. I believe it can exist in more smaller, isolated groups…like paranormal teams. I think the first step towards any kind of large-scale community is to all agree to disagree, and knowing that it is okay to do so.

THE DEPARTING OF THE FINEST

I’ve noticed a mass exodus of quality researchers from the paranormal community because of the drama and how disgusting people can act in this field. They don’t want any association with the community anymore. I don’t blame them. Drama is a waste of time and a big distraction. Why is it that we have to lose the good ones and let the bad ones stay? Again, this all goes back the attention on the negative and not the positive. We are the ones creating this community, and it is up to us to decide how the reputation of that community will be viewed. Will strangers look at the paranormal field and say, “What a bunch of immature drama queens.”? Or will they say, “Wow, they have a lot of interesting things to say.” Or even, “Wow, they’re really professional.”

My hope for the paranormal community is not unification, it is my hope that we will all have exceptionally high standards when it comes to investigating, so that finally, this field can be taken seriously. We can question things in a professional manner, and set ourselves apart from those who are fraudulent and less professional. Separate the big leagues from the minor leagues.

I wish you all safety, positivity and good luck in all of your endeavors.

My Legacy

September 5, 2012 Alex Matsuo

I’ve been thinking a lot about what makes me…well, me.

I’ve been thinking about how people’s perceptions of me differ from person to person. I’ve always been one to confront directly as much as I can. More often than not, whenever I do that, the other person doesn’t communicate and then the birdies chirp in my ear about all the horrible things that the other person has said about me. What’s been hard for me is to forgive those who have hurt me in the past, especially if they didn’t ask for it. But forgiveness is something that benefits both. Living with hate in your heart only hurts yourself. But as the ever-so-wise Dalai Lama said, it’s important to forgive but never forget. If you forget the past hurts, then you risk repeating yourself. So, in turn, I’ll forgive, but never forget, ya know?

I learned early on that if you have a problem with someone, it’s best to directly communicate with that person. My friends and family and even those on the outside know that if they ever have an issue with me, my door is always open. I learned from the best. My mentor is the same way. I’ve tried to live my life as he does and I try to look at life through his eyes.

I also have to accept that other people have very limited perceptions of me. I’ve been accused of having the desire to rub elbows with certain famous people in a particular field I am in. A part of me laughs and the other part makes me shake my head. Being the entertainment business for so long, I’ve had the privilege of working with people who have high acclaim in the industry, and I’ve also been honored to see my own peers rise up to stardom and fame on their own. “Rubbing elbows” with well-known people is part of my job. It’s part of the job of my friends and peers. It’s a part of my life. There’s nothing to brag about because I’m not special or exclusive like that.

But if I did have the option to become famous…there’s only one department I want to acclaim fame in, and that would be the theatre. Either an award-winning producer, playwright, director, or actress. It’s a tall dream. It’s a dream that has a long road ahead of me. But hey, if I become a well-known Shakespearean actress, awesome. But I don’t desire fame, never cared for it. I’ve seen what it does to my friends who have become…known. I’ve seen the transition from local, unknown friend to now everyone knows their name. Some take it in stride, some don’t.

Maybe this is a poor way to express myself. But you know what, I’m human. I can be affected by negativity as much as the next person. I’ve dealt with gossip about me before and I’ll do it again. Like I said, I appreciate it if someone just tells me directly that I’m a conviving bitch rather than tell everyone else about it and leaving me in the dark. If anything, that speaks more volumes about that person’s character than any kind of bad talking they can spew.

The best way to respond to hate is with love. It’s not going to be easy, and it will be a learning process. But I’ve learned that the only way to combat negativity and hate is with love. No need to add fuel to the fire. But also be aware that sometimes I may not feel like fighting back at all, and moving on and forgetting is a much better option. I suppose it all depends on how much I want that person to remain in my life, or whether I’ll be running into them again in the future.

But anyway, this post is about my legacy right? I work with kids and teach them theatre to pay the big bills while acting, writing, dramaturgy, etc. help supplement the rest of my income. I’m truly blessed to be able to do what I love 24/7. But working with kids isn’t for everyone. They drain my life energy. But there’s a reason why I always get a little weepy every time I’ve had to say goodbye at the end of each term. I get attached to those little buggers. Every time a parent approaches me and tells me how much their child has changed positively since they met me, I’m so proud of the child. I was just a coach, a cheerleader, a helper. Even with the kids or teens who meet me with tension and animosity, given some time, the walls break down eventually. I don’t mind if the only memory these kids have of me is “Miss Alex was a crazy chick who taught me drama and who made me laugh.” I’ve seen the growth in kids and teens from their exposure to the arts that has moved me to tears.

I don’t want fame to be my legacy. I want to be able to leave a mark on people as a positive person who has helped people. The reason I love working with kids and teens so much is because I’ve been given a wonderful privilege of changing their lives and making a positive impact on them. For some kids, I may be the only person who accepts their hugs or their drawings. I might be the only person to praise them for a job well done. This translates to teenage life and adult life. You may be the only person who has given someone a lending ear for their problems. You may be the only person who has ever shown a person love instead of disgust. If you want to leave a positive legacy, it starts with you.

You have the ability to change the world and leave a powerful legacy for yourself.

Now, I ask you this: What kind of legacy do you want to leave? How do you want people to remember you?

Leave a comment and share if you’d lie. 🙂

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KEe-dA3a4M]

Instilling Fear Unto Others: My Way or No Way

May 31, 2011 Alex Matsuo

An opening song to warm you up for this posting.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsdy_rct6uo]

This isn’t about having to choose between two men (damn). It’s about picking sides, or feeling like you have to pick sides. I’m going to put my life drama in the spotlight…theatre. Ah, theatre. My first love, my companion, so many different layers of enjoyment and fulfillment I receive from you. Unfortunately, there are those who love you so much that they ruin it for others who are just as passionate.

I’m going to tell a story about a theatre company far away, close to home, but far from home at the same time. This theatre wants to go from community theatre to professional aka offer Equity contracts, build up the donations, hire big names…far enough right? Right now they focus on musicals and Shakespeare as a community theatre in repertory, but they want to cut Shakespeare and aim to become a LORT (level whatever) theatre and focus only on musical theatre. What about those who still want to be paid and pro in BOTH? Or what about those who want to just focus on SHAKESPEARE? I’ve seen the classical actors hold their tongues when they had to dance in 42nd Street. Or what about those who do this as a hobby? It seems as though the decision was made not in consideration of the other three groups. EDIT: All because of a disagreement between the fight coach and the artistic director. Where do they go? For someone like me, I like to do both musicals and Shakespeare and it would be awesome to become a professional in both but…at the same time, I make a sufficient amount of money where if I didn’t get good paying shows…my job can supplement my passion. See? There’s that word again. I’m passionate about theatre.
Then I got this email this morning; the director announces that anyone who does not want to aim for AEA or produce professional musical theatre can leave, and will not be able to come back. Aka…go with the fight director. He might as well have said that.
Side Note: I talked to said director about this posting, he’s okay with it as long as its all ambiguous and anonymous. Don’t ask, I will not reveal who it is or the name of the company.

Wait, wait…wait. Why? Why would someone want to cut off an entire group like that? Or, why would someone threaten his company like that…so that they won’t leave? It’s theatre…people will audition and go where the work is at. They will follow the paycheck if that is their goal.
“If you’re unhappy enough to go to another theatre company, you’re obviously unhappy here.”
That’s not always true. I’m sorry, it’s not. There is such a thing as exploring other adventures or quenching curiosity.
If people feel like they cannot leave without paying a consequence put forth by someone dealing with insecurity (or plotting revenge on the person who hurt them)…a tension will begin to grow in your company. There will be tension between those to brown nose/strongly establish an alliance, those who are Switzerland (neutral) and those who want to leave, but feel trapped because they fear there might not be other options if they leave what they have now. Especially with all the great things coming up for the company, you certainly don’t want to leave now, do you?
And we come to the magic word of this post…fear. Instilling fear into others is low. Very low. It’s being a big bully. It means you have power not because people respect you, but because they fear you. I called the director and informed him that I would not be a part of this company anymore due to the fact that I don’t want to choose sides and most of all, I don’t want to feel trapped. I will not associate with those who bash Shakespeare and will go on to explain how much they love musicals. I will not associate with those who are on the extreme of the other side. If there’s no respect for other art forms within this company, I will have no part in it and find another adventure. Turns out, the director didn’t want to lose me. How funny. So for right now, I’m staying but if I find something better, I will move on and hopefully the director and my fellow actors and designers will respect my decision and not assume that I’m betraying anyone. I used to be that pleaser of all sides, but it turned into an emotional roller coaster and having to switch sides and it tore me apart. So I’m going to be selfish. I’m in this for me. And if you compromise my goals, dreams and aspirations in a negative way, I’ll leave. Simple as that. No hard feelings, and nothing but good wishes on the way. Basically, if you ask me to choose and pick one or the other under the conditions that I spoke about…you’ll most likely be disappointed with my choice and the choice of others who have a strong will.