Writing 10,000 Words In a Day – How Did I Do It?

www.lynnegolodner.com
www.lynnegolodner.com

So, a few months ago, I wrote about 20,000 words over a weekend, and I kept on track writing about 10,000 words a day. Well, actually, I wrote 12,000 words on Saturday and 8,000 words on Sunday. How did I do it?

Well…

I stayed incredibly focused.

If you’re looking for an easy way to write 10,000 words in a day or 20,000 words in a weekend, you might want to look somewhere else. But I will tell you, once you accomplish this impressive feat, you will not only feeling accomplished, but you will also feel exceptionally proud of yourself.

I will say that it takes discipline, breaks, happy snacks, a few naps, and typing away vigorously. If this was something that people were more interested in learning about the details of what I did to accomplish this goal, let me know in the comments!

  1. Plan Ahead: You’re not going to be able to accomplish 10,000 words in a day if you don’t spend a few days planning it out. I spent a week researching on what I was going to write about. I made a detailed outline.
  2. Make a Schedule: I actually timed out my schedule by my typing speed. On a good writing spree, I can write 2,000 words in an hour. That should be good, right? I can be done in 5 hours! It’s not quite that simple. You have to take into consideration your writing stamina in terms of how your hands feel, how well your eyes can focus, and how much brain fog you can tolerate.
  3. Have Food & Drink On Hand: I had a mix of fresh veggies and fruit on hand that have a crunch. I like crunchy food, and having something healthy and fresh will help keep your mind clear. If you eat processed snacks like chips and crackers, and drinking caffeinated beverages for the sake of “staying awake”, you will find that your focus will not be consistent and you’ll get tired easily and quickly. Iced tea was my drink of choice. Staying hydrated is a must! Hydration helps your brain. Worried about frequent bathroom breaks? Start drinking lots of water about a week ahead of time so you’re body adjusts. Or, bring a notepad with you in the bathroom so you can make full use of your time by planning your next move.
  4. Take Breaks & Sleep: When I found I was having a major writer’s block, or to a point where I couldn’t keep going, I took a break. My breaks were spontaneous and came about every 2 hours for about 15 minutes. After 4 hours of writing, I was at about 3500 words (my 2000 word spree didn’t last long on day one), I took an hour long nap. I needed to give my brain a break and let it recharge. I also found that it was a great way to get new ideas to keep the writing going.
  5. Type Now, Edit Later: Your job on this day is to just get the words out, hence to why outlining and researching is important so you can just word vomit onto the paper. After you meet your goal, you can go back and clean it up. If you worry too much about going back and editing, you will put too much energy into something you can always handle later.
  6. No Distractions: I can’t write in silence, so I will play classical music. Some people can write with the television on. If neither of these distract you, that’s great. Let loved ones and friends know ahead of time what you’re doing so there’s no freak out if you silence your phone. Light a candle, create an environment that is distraction-free so you can get your writing done.

Obviously, this is just the short version. There are many more tips and tricks where that came from. Perhaps I’ll lump it all together into a short little e-book? What have you done to stay focused and productive on long writing days?

UPDATE: Due to popular demand, I have written a short eBook on how to write faster, write more, and develop a love for writing, and it includes how to write 10,000 words in a day! Check out 10,000 Words on Amazon! 

My Review of “Annabelle”

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On Wednesday night, I had the chance to see a special preview of Annabelle before it opened this weekend. I sat on the idea of whether to write a review of the movie or not, and while it’s Sunday, I decided to just do it. It’s going to be short, especially since there are numerous people out there who don’t like spoilers, so I’ll give my initial thoughts. Keep in mind that I’m not a film critic.

If you’re looking for accuracy in terms of the real story of Annabelle, you best look elsewhere. Before even walking into the movie, you have to accept that this is a “Hollywood” film, so there will be embellishments, overly dramatized actions, and more. If you approach this as a fiction film, then you’ll probably enjoy it more.

On that note, you can probably tell that I walked into the movie with really low expectations, which might be why I didn’t hate the movie. In fact, I actually liked it.

In the “prologue” of the film, we get a glimpse of two nurses and a man being interviewed by who we assume is Ed and Lorraine Warren about the doll. Then there’s a quick cutaway to “One year earlier…” (and the poor girl next to me read it as “One year later” and proceeded to be really confused the rest of the movie).

The real Annabelle doll at the Warrens' museum in Connecticut
The real Annabelle doll at the Warrens’ museum in Connecticut

In terms of plot, even though the movie’s start was a bit slow, it quickly accelerated as the premise of WHY the doll became possessed or haunted in the first place was established. The movie starred (ironically) Annabelle Wallis and Ward Horton as a young couple expecting their first child, named Mia and John. Well, John (Horton) gifts the creepy doll to Mia. Even before the doll becomes possessed and evil, it is a creepy doll and makes you wonder why Mia wanted it in the first place, but it turns out the doll is a rare collector’s item that is part of a collection. While still a bit unbelievable when Mia called the doll “beautiful”, the sense of realism as to why the doll was there to begin with kind of makes sense.

Of course with any horror film, there are jump moments and plot twists just for the sake of shock value, along with moments where people were literally yelling at the screen to tell the characters to turn back or not go into the creepy basement. But as the film closed out, I was actually moved to near tears as one of the characters makes the ultimate sacrifice to bring peace to the young family and their baby. The movie also ends with a full circle with the interview in the very beginning with a blurb about the doll’s current whereabouts.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie and recommended my friends who are horror fans and/or into the paranormal to see it.

If you go in with the assumption that this sequel/prequel to “The Conjuring” is going to be an exaggeration of the real Annabelle story and understand that it’s just Hollywood, you might enjoy it. If you’re new to the whole thing and don’t know the story of Annabelle, you best check it out and learn where the story came from. I imagine that the movie will help drive interest in the Warrens and Annabelle, and more people than ever will want to see the doll.

Schadenfreude: Where You Get Your Happiness Says A Lot About You

6cfc2ec464c0a37177a7f9f07c20fee5The word for the last two months that have been mentioned to me the most often is “vindication” in regards to whether I’m feeling vindicated or not. Here’s the thing…when it comes to the downfall or misfortunes of other people, whether it’s lost money or ruined reputations, I’m numb when it comes to those emotions. I definitely don’t feel good about anyone going through a hard time, and I actually feel pretty bad for those kind of situations. And when it comes to feeling “vindicated”…the damage was done and the scars exist, and the best thing to do is move forward and not look back. The flaunting of the feeling of being justified with decisions that were made that worked in my favor in relation to another person’s misfortune, just reflects my own insecurities and frankly, bitterness that has yet to be dealt with. While I can’t understand why anyone who legitimately cared for another person could feel anything positive from someone else’s bad time…is it right for me to judge them? Honestly, I don’t know. I mean, who am I to judge someone else? I’m just as guilty of these actions as the next person. It’s human nature.

So, instead of going with the judgment angle, I’ve been really working on approaching situations and people with love. You know…it’s really tough sometimes. But I have learned a lot from doing this because I’ve found that the only people who really get their jollies from bullying, writing passive aggressive posts, or making fun of someone else are truly miserable people. Woops, I’m judging again. But really, I’ve never seen a happy person make fun of someone for their appearance, speech, or their efforts in different areas. Most of the people I’ve met who really are happy and loving don’t do that.

As a society, we need to start focusing on building people up rather than bringing them down. Not only is it the f95cb31e2018f2691a3b44e0006a6f1aright thing to do, but getting satisfaction over bringing another down or over someone’s misfortune won’t do any good for your own character and well-being. However, we’re all human…and we can’t be perfect all of the time. So I guess the best that we can even do is do the right thing when we can and correct the situation when we go wrong.

Where we receive our satisfaction is a direct reflection of our character. So, essentially, what I’m saying is…get satisfaction from the uplifting of people. Because getting satisfaction from the opposite will just expose the ugly side of your character, and do you really want that?

On a more lighthearted note…I couldn’t resist the elephant in the room that the other word for this blog would be “schadenfreude”, which reminded me of the song from the musical, Avenue Q. Enjoy! *Note: There is some language and contains adult content.

Responsibility

Backstage during Wild Party
Backstage during Wild Party

Well, first of all: Shame on me. It’s been 5 months since I’ve updated this blog. But I’m happy that it’s still getting a ton of traffic for my Shakespeare posts (now I know what the audience really wants).

Anyway, now to catch you all up to my life as I know it thus far. Wild Party opened and closed, and it was a great show to be a part of. I made some wonderful new friends and connections in the Raleigh theatre community. I also decided to start doing a podcast for the theatre community in the Triangle area. I’ve been slowly collecting interviews and I hope to debut the podcast “Triangle On Stage” in August.

Speaking of shows, I’m a part of the cast of Xanadu at North Raleigh Arts and Creative Theatre and will be playing in September. If you’ve ever seen the original god-awful movie with Olivia Newton-John, you probably know that the musical is all camp and overall just fun. I’m really excited to be a part of the show and so far the rehearsal process has been all smiles. Plus, I get to bust my skates out again!

So, let’s get to business. I’ve gone through a whirlwind of a year since moving to Raleigh on 10502352_10152530408090520_5373058760609509633_nJune 1st, 2013. My life has changed in many unexpected ways. While initially it may have seemed like the events of last year were the worse thing to have ever happened to me, looking back…I feel like I might now understand what the Universe (or God) was trying to do.

Anyway, I’ve really been working on “me”, specifically when it comes to forgiving myself and taking responsibility for my actions of basically my entire life. I had a wise friend who gave me a heart to heart, because even after things calmed down, I still wasn’t all that happy. This friend told me that I needed to start taking responsibility for my actions in why I wasn’t happy. Of course, hearing this was at first very startling and doesn’t seem like the right thing to say to someone who was having an emotionally difficult time. But the reason being is that, I was living like a victim. And thus, it was a perspective that didn’t give me any control over my life. My life, my choices, etc. are all related to where I am exactly now. The important thing I needed to do was to take responsibility for my actions that I had control over, and then forgive myself. Interestingly enough, once I started forgiving myself, it was easier to start forgiving others.

The other part of this was also acknowledging where I didn’t have control, and to let certain things go, and to not continuously revisit the painful chapters. In the case of my stalker, it was a time where I let him make me feel like I was powerless and I lived in fear for several months before finally taking him to court to get the restraining order, which was granted because he waived his right to a hearing and consented to my testimony in court. I cried when that happened…it made me reconsider my relationship with God because I felt as though He finally threw me a bone. I would never wish what I went through with my stalker on my worst enemy. It was a frightening and awful experience that still leaves me looking over my shoulder all the time.

Alex MatsuoWhen I look at the people who wronged me today, I just feel sad for them and my heart goes out to them. I feel sad for the people who still hold grudges and post passive-aggressive messages knowing that it will do nothing to head towards a resolution. But, these are all doors that I’m in the process of closing. Looking back just leads to reopening those wounds and revisiting the pain on a regular basis, and I can’t do that to myself anymore. Do I hope for a resolution in the future? Of course. But I’m not going to tear myself apart anymore because it’s not happening.

And that’s taking responsibility by taking care of myself, and for the first time ever, doing things to help place myself on the road to genuine happiness. I have a job that I love, I have wonderful friends that I’ve made since moving here, I’m in a show and doing what I love, and I got the apartment of my dreams. I can’t really complain right now, but I also don’t want to count my chickens before they hatch because life always has that way of reminding you to appreciate the little things in life like having a roof over your head and food in your stomach. Basically, I’m enjoying life right now and not taking it for granted. Why?

Because it’s my responsibility to do so as a member of the human race.

2014 Thus Far

I have to say that 2014 so far is looking pretty good. Why, you ask?

  1. My book has been published.
  2. I booked my first show of the year, and it opens in March!
  3. I’ve already booked some speaking engagements for 2014.
  4. I started a brand new job that I actually like.
  5. I have a writing gig that pays me well and I get to cover fun topics.
  6. My paranormal team is growing and attracting some pretty brilliant minds.

It’s not a bad start to the year, and the remaining 11 months look promising. I have some other cool stuff in the back burner that I quite can’t announce yet, but it’ll be good stuff.

In comparison to 2013, I have to say that I’m much happier and healthier.  I’ve lost some weight, my heart rate is the lowest it’s ever been, I’m eating right, and my anxiety has reduced greatly. I’ve also made some great friends and finally settling into Raleigh…more than 6 months later.

Anyway, I guess the point of this blog for today is this: Even when things are horrible, crappy, and you don’t think you’re going to survive…keep holding on.  It will improve and get better.  If you were to tell me 6 months ago that I would be where I’m at today, I wouldn’t believe you. But hey, good things do come to those who wait, you just have to keep swimming.

This was a short blog, but I promise that I’ll have meatier stuff starting next week. 🙂

What Pearl Harbor Means To Me as a Quarter Japanese Woman

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You may be seeing this, or something similar floating around the Internet today:

Just before 8 a.m. on December 7, 1941, hundreds of Japanese fighter planes attacked the American naval base at Pearl Harbor near Honolulu, Hawaii. The barrage lasted just two hours, but it was devastating: The Japanese managed to destroy nearly 20 American naval vessels, including eight enormous battleships, and almost 200 airplanes. More than 2,000 Americans soldiers and sailors died in the attack, and another 1,000 were wounded. The day after the assault, President Franklin D. Roosevelt asked Congress to declare war on Japan; Congress approved his declaration with just one dissenting vote. Three days later, Japanese allies Germany and Italy also declared war on the United States, and again Congress reciprocated. More than two years into the conflict, America had finally joined World War II.

Many people will see this and take a moment to remember.  Many may have had family who was serving at the time and was attacked at Pearl Harbor and survived…or worse…perished.  But this truly lives in infamy. For many, it meant that the boys would become men and drafted into the military to serve their country.

But what about those who looked like the enemy?  What of those who were of the same ethnicity as the ones who attacked Pearl Harbor?

You probably can’t tell from looking at me, but I’m a quarter Japanese on my mother’s side.  Which means my mother is half Japanese from her father’s side…my Grandpa.

Growing Up on Empty

Me with my Grandpa

Growing up, I adored my Grandpa.  My memories of him are still very potent. He played with me, took care of me while my Mom was at work, take me to baseball games, go on walks with me every day, even when he was tired.  He would also take on the role of a father figure when my Dad was unable to be more involved in my life.  When I was younger, I did look a bit more Japanese, but I didn’t even notice the eyes or ethnicity.  He was my Grandpa.

I was a little over a month shy of turning 7 when he died on December 3rd, 1992 (almost exactly 51 years after Pearl Harbor).  It’s a day that still rocks my memory as I remembered how sad everyone was, and my Grandma telling my cousin, “We’re going to lose him.”

We did lose him. Considering he died when I was so young, I really didn’t get a chance to get to know him.

Learning from the Past

My Grandpa in his Army uniform circa 1940's
My Grandpa in his Army uniform circa 1940’s

It wasn’t until I was much older when I began to dig deep into his past.  Even more so when I was working on my play, Japanese Eyes/American Heart, loosely based on my Grandpa’s experiences during World War II after Pearl Harbor.  I knew of the internment of Japanese-Americans very blandly because my Grandpa had siblings either interred or they served in the military.

My Grandpa was born in Honolulu, Hawaii to Isokichi and Suga Matsuo.  Isokichi was born in Japan and got on the boat to Hawaii in 1900 not too long after Japan opened their borders.  Suga was born in Hawaii.  My Grandpa was born in 1920, and in 1940, he enlisted in the United States Army.

I have no doubt that December 7th, 1941 affected him.  Given the location and WHO attacked Pearl Harbor, I imagine there was much worry and concern of how it would affect his family.

His older brother Roy, was sent to Jerome War Relocation Center in Southeastern Arkansas.

Roy's entry in the National Archive's in the Japanese Relocation/Internment Records,
Roy’s entry in the National Archive’s in the Japanese Relocation/Internment Records,

His brother Ted, served as a medic in the famed 442nd to Company F, and was wounded on the second day of combat near Sasseta.

There are also several Matsuo’s who went to relocation centers such as Manzanar and Heart Mountain.  I’m still researching and confirming whether they were a part of my family.

And then there was Keijiro (or as I knew him, “Uncle Kei”).  I’m going to let Ted’s wife, Dorothy Matsuo explain what happened to him, and she recounts in her book, Boyhood To War: History and Anecdotes of the 442nd Regimental Combat Team:

Boyhood to War Bookcover

“Ted Matsuo described the incredible experience of his brother, Keijiro, who had earned an electrical engineering degree from Indiana Tristate College and had gone to Japan to work because no one in the United States or Hawaii would hire  a nisei electrical engineer.  Keijiro had lived for a time with his brother in California, where he enjoyed diving for abalone and lobster off the coast of Monterey.  The FBI was aware of his dives and accused him of mapping the sea floor for the Japanese.  He was arrested, but because of lack of evidence, he was given the option of volunteering for the military in lieu of being incarcerated.  Because they denied him officer status, Keijiro refused military service and was incarcerated at Sand Island.  He was later released and drafted for the engineer battalion in Hawaii” (Matsuo 22).

Dorothy Matsuo, Boyhood to War (22)

Struggling with Identity

I’ve joined several communities full of Japanese Americans. I find these groups to be my sanctury to explore my identity, race, and talk history about our family. Ironically, the folks who have commented on “how Japanese” I look have been white men. But then that goes without saying, what is exactly Japanese? How is it that I’m accepted as Japanese American by others in the Asian community but not to white men? It really messes with your mind.

I’ve had people who have known me for years eventually asking me if I’m part Asian. It’s there, it’s always been there. And it shows that people either “look for the whiteness” or just make very basic assumptions on my appearance. Since I have red hair = Irish = white. I’m more Japanese than Irish if we want to get technical.

Filling in the Gaps

The internment of Japanese Americans has been swept under the rug for years….until recently.

Thanks to many films, and a new musical called Allegiance starring George Takei, Lea Salonga, and Telly Leung, which I had the pleasure of seeing at the Old Globe in San Diego in 2012  I’ll admit that I was incredibly touched by the show and I found myself crying on several occasions.  I hope that this marks more awareness of Japanese American internment.  If you’re in Los Angeles, check out the Japanese American National Museum.  While living in San Diego, I often visited the museum and it was an emotional experience every time.  There are several museums dedicated to Japanese American history, and many of the relocation centers are being restored and preserved being turned into museums themselves.

So as we reflect on this day, let us remember how much it impacted the present of the time, and the future.  For me, while Pearl Harbor and the internment of Japanese Americans didn’t directly affect me, it meant the lack of knowledge on the that part of my family’s history, and not getting a chance to connect with the Japanese culture.

My Grandpa's retirement packet with a letter from Harry Truman thanking him for his service in WWII.
My Grandpa’s retirement packet with a letter from Harry Truman thanking him for his service in WWII.

Statement Regarding My Paranormal Affiliations

Since July of 2013, my only affiliation with any paranormal team has been with Association of Paranormal Study (APS), the team I founded in 2011, as well as having the privilege of an honorary membership with Evermore Paranormal.

My previous involvement with other paranormal groups has raised questions about the integrity and business practices of my team, APS.  During my recent time with a previous team, I was employed from in December of 2012. In July of 2013, I turned my full focus to the Association of Paranormal Study.

At APS, our mission statement is

“To promote the study and research of the paranormal field by bringing together, encouraging, and growing the paranormal community by building knowledge through workshops and lectures, hosting public investigations in local places in the city. And finally performing private home investigations for clients with a solution based practice in order to provide thoughtful and productive resolution to the clients and presence.”

We do this by helping our clients in any way we can in three different team locations; San Diego, Mid-Atlantic, and North East. All business practices conducted by the Association of Paranormal Study, its directors and investigators, are held to the upmost standards. Any business practice of previous teams in which I was employed does not reflect, in any way, the way we conduct ourselves at APS.

Nothing Else Matters Because I’m Fat

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Being a fat person has exposed me to the widest variety of insults and jokes.  Whether they’re said to my face or behind my back, whenever someone really wants to insult or get to someone, they comment on their weight.  Being fat has become the ultimate haven of experiencing below-the-belt insults.

534834_383354475052705_924769454_nIt also seems that when one is fat, the quality of the person goes down.  People judge character based on weight.  Don’t believe me?  Let’s take some of my own experiences.  I was recently called fat via social media by a chain smoker.  Of course, when someone speaks up to defend a fat person, the comeback is “well they shouldn’t be promoting an unhealthy lifestyle” as they light another cigarette.

Ironic, isn’t it?  Perhaps we need to look in the mirror before judging.

Furthermore, who gave thin people the badge that gives them the right to be called good people and shame fat people?  Shaming based on size has become huge (excuse the pun) in our modern society.  There’s fat shaming and skinny shaming.  It appears that insulting one’s appearance is much more powerful than commenting on the person’s actual character.

For example, I was made to feel insignificant, basically not intelligent enough forfat-people certain endeavors that I’ve chosen to embark upon by my chain-smoking buddy.  Even though I have a Masters degree in my chosen path, I wasn’t smart enough or qualified enough, and then proceeded to comment on my weight and how I needed to spend my time and energy on becoming less of a fatass.

This is where, “Nothing else matters because I’m fat” comes from.

I’ve done mission work in third world countries, I’ve worked with special needs children, I’ve volunteered hundreds of hours into non-profits and charities, I’ve worked with inner city children…but I’m fat.  Therefore whatever I do is moot because I am large.

Of course, this isn’t true.  Some of the most intelligent people I know are overweight and/or obese.

Funny-Fat-People-Funny-Fat-People-058-FunnyPica.com_When someone posts a photo of themselves, and they’re overweight and celebrating their body image, the comments I see from naysayers/trolls the most are, “You shouldn’t be promoting an unhealthy lifestyle” or “You’re celebrating that overeating is okay.”  Here’s the thing, of course being overweight is unhealthy.  If someone feels fabulous at 500 pounds, that’s awesome!  If someone is 500 pounds, eats healthy, exercises every day…that’s great!  For me, I know the [my] human body isn’t meant to carry the amount of weight I’m carrying.  But ya know what?  It’s no one’s business but my own.  Other people’s weight and health is nobody else’s business but my own.  I sit in an airplane seat just fine so it shouldn’t bug the person next to me.  Yeah, I might be an awkward sight at the gym, but at least I’m there.  People are fat for a variety of different reasons ranging from health to emotional.  Is it my business?  No.  Nor is the reason why I’m fat is anyone else’s business but my and my family’s.  Weight is a personal concern.

If I’m a bad person, tell me I’m a bad person, don’t comment on appearance.  Throwing insults takes more than just appearances (pun intended).

Like most people, fat people (or fit/skinny/chubby/bulky/curvy/etc people) are not perfect.  Even people who are comfortable in their own skin aren’t perfect.  We all come from different backgrounds, we’ve made mistakes, we’ve hurt others, we’ve been hurt, we regret our actions…it’s all a part of being human.  This is a journey of mankind.

What needs to be looked at are the people who feel like they have to insultimages weight and body image in order to hurt others.  Maybe they’re feeling so insignificant about themselves that they have to project their own hurt and insecurities onto others.  They aren’t worth your time or taking up space in your head or heart.  Are they bad people?  I don’t know.  I’m biased.  Considering that words have so much power, a fat joke can make a person purge after eating, and self-confidence can be instantly shattered with a fat comment.  Like being fat means that they’re less of person.

Guess what?  No matter what your body size is, you are not less of a person.

What makes you less of a person is the fact you have to tear others down by commenting on their body image to make yourself look powerful.  Making memes and insulting photos of fat people is nothing more than a pissing contest to see who can be the most powerful.  People who comment on appearances in order to make themselves look good are the lowest on the totem pole emotionally and they have to make sure that someone else feels bad too, because hey, misery loves company.  Think about it, have you ever seen or heard an emotionally happy, sane, and healthy person go around spewing negativity like that?

Instead of commenting on body image as a reflection of inner character, perhaps we just need to start looking at the person beyond the fat and beyond the physique.  Being fit doesn’t automatically make someone a good person, nor does being fat automatically make someone a bad person.

If someone calls you fat for the purposes of making you feel bad, let it slide off your back (easier said than done, I know).  Because the person who said the hurtful comment is most likely feeling insignificant in some way, and in their minds, insulting you gives them power.  Don’t give them that power.

Weight does not equal character.

Making Friends As An Adult

friends

So…since moving to Raleigh, I’ve learned something huge.  Making friends as an adult isn’t quite as easy as one might think.  In San Diego, I had friends from church, high school, college, work, and doing shows.  I am a pretty social person, so the culture shock of moving to Raleigh and being stripped of a social life in the physical world was a big overwhelming at first.

Luckily, I actually had a few friends from college who lived in Raleigh so I had some social time with them.  But I still had the life of a loner and I was (and still am) very homesick.

I did a few things to cope with the loneliness:

I called my friends.

I can’t tell you the last time I actually picked up the phone and called a friend.  With the world of texting, it’s turned into a cop-out when it comes to communication.  I can’t tell you the feeling of hearing familiar voices and actually talking, and using verbal communication.  For the first time ever, I’m living alone in my own place and I never actually thought about whether I opened my mouth to talk or not.  I live in my head and don’t talk to myself out loud, I think I unintentionally took a vow of silence one day.

I wrote letters and postcards.

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I took a piece of paper or a postcard and I wrote to some friends.  With the world of email, texting, and messaging, this is a practice that’s on its way to becoming lost.  There’s something about sitting and writing with a pen or pencil a letter to a friend.  It was rather pleasant really.

I didn’t forget the friends I have already

It wasn’t until now that I fully appreciate the social networking ease that is Facebook.  I think I chatted more in the last three months than I ever have in the time that I’ve been on Facebook.  If you’re feeling lonely or need some interaction, a quick hello on Facebook can do wonders.

But what did I do to start making new friends?

I started auditioning.

Even if I wasn’t right for the show, I went and auditioned for any play, film, or musical I could find.  I needed to start making my face known in the theatre

community anyway, and if I booked a show, I’d be spending a substantial amount of time with these individuals.  I did get cast in a show (yay!) and I’m having a blast.

Get involved in areas that are familiar to you.  Whether it’s wine, gardening, working out, etc. go out and get involved.

I joined a social networking site for friends and dating.

Okay, it’s a step above Craigslist (I haven’t been able to cross that line yet), butI’ve actually met some

pretty cool people through a few websites.  If anything, having a beer with a stranger makes you learn about others and yourself.  Of course, I was guarded and had to use a fly swatter to get away from the creeps, but that’s real life anyway.  😉  But crazy thing:  There are websites for friendships now.  No longer do people have to go through dating websites just to make new friends.

Joining Meetup

friends2

Meetup.com is a pretty cool website where you search for meetup groups based on hobbies, interest, and lifestyle.  I’ve actually made some acquaintances who I socialize and spend time with outside of the Meetup group.  Do I dare call them friends?  I think so.

Work

Probably the place where you’ll spend most of your time and where you’ll interact with people on a regular basis.  I’m blessed in the fact that the people I work with are awesome, along with being very loving and welcoming.

I became the neighbor Mr. Rogers would be proud of

Living on the second floor and working odd hours, I happen to run into my neighbors often.  Instead of my usual keeping my head down and just walking by, I keep my head up now, smile, and say hello.  One of my neighbors helped me with my groceries the other day, and he also happens to be a cop.  The community I live in also has social events, and while I skipped the last one, I’ll go to the next one.

Enjoy the downtime

This was probably the most difficult one for me to swallow.  Getting the chance to sit back and enjoy the quiet and enjoy the downtime has turned into something very special.  Going out or talking to someone every day and evening was something I’ve done for years, and the only downtime I really had was sleeping.  Rarely did I ever put time aside for my own spiritual well-being and took time for myself.

Okay, maybe this isn’t the best how-to on making friends, but it’s a start.  If you just moved to a new city where you don’t know anyone, you’re not going to make much progress just sitting at home and doing nothing.  Don’t be afraid of going out by yourself.  Making new friends in a new town is all about getting out there and reaching out.

Making new friends and putting yourself out there all over again is scary.  It reveals a vulnerable part about yourself, and if you were a social butterfly in your old element, it’s even scarier to have to start over.  I miss my friends back home dearly.  But I’m also very grateful for the people I’ve met here in Raleigh and look forward to seeing what new adventures await.