Category: People

My Experience in Haunted Gettysburg

Alex Matsuo

This weekend, I was fortunate enough to attend a field trip to Gettysburg, hosted by the Paranormal Research Society.  It was a weekend of much learning about experiencing activity in one of the most haunted places in the United States.  The last time I was in Gettysburg was in the year 2000 for my eighth grade trip.  So I was excited to go back to this historical landmark and hopefully have some paranormal experiences and investigate.

This trip also marked the first time I’ve participated in the Ganzfeld experiment.  For the last few months, I’ve been doing research to learn more about it and send anything I find to Sergey at PRS.  While I was excited to finally be able to participate, I was also a tad nervous.  I didn’t just do it once.  I participated four times.  My last Ganzfeld session consisted me being a sender, which I will go into in a moment.

Jennie Wade House – For those of you who don’t know, Jennie Wade was the only citizen of Gettysburg who was killed during the battle.  The house where she was shot is still preserved with the actual bullet holes still present and her wooden bread board hanging next to the stove.  This was where I did the Ganzfeld experiment the first time.  Adam Sedlock briefed me on what was going to happen and I put on the white shades, the headphones and faced the red light.  I heard banging during the experience, heard voices, felt like someone was walking around me, felt something play with my hair and I felt like I was in the presence of chaos.

Tillie Pierce House – This was where I participated in the Ganzfeld Experiment three more times.  The second time I participated, there were two people involved this time.  One being a “sender” of an image and the other being a “receiver” wearing the shades, headphones and facing the red light.  While I didn’t receive an image, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness afterward.  After the first two experiences, I was hesitant to participate again and I initially declined a third opportunity to do it again.  However, after making contact with a presence in the house, I was asked to do the Ganzfeld experiment again.  This time, knowing what I was looking for, I agreed.  It was a positive and enriching experience.  The fourth time I did it, I was the sender along with another person.  I have to say, it was harder being a sender than it was to be the receiver.

I believe that’s as much as I can go into since this was an experiment conducted by PRS.  It was overall a great experience.  I have many more stories from Gettysburg, and I’m still in the process of putting them into words.  I must say that it is amazing how much the battle impacted Gettysburg and permanently imprinted a presence in that town.

Do Spirits “Notice” You?

Alex Matsuo

I received a great question on the Facebook page from Sara D., who asked,

From my own personal research, I have found many share the view that by actively participating in the paranormal (ie: investigating, ganzfeld experiment) or the occult (ie seances, ouija boards) you open yourself up more spiritually and make it easier for spirits to “notice” you. Others say that it doesn’t happen and you shouldn’t worry about it. So, what is it? Be concerned or not?

What is my answer to this?  Yes.  there should be a concern and a respect for these methods and devices because they have the potential to be powerful tools.  First I will address investigating.  Investigating the paranormal is entering into a new lifestyle in general.  Your awareness of the unknown is heightened.  Now are spirits really following you, or are you senses heightened to the point where anything that moves is a shadow/ghost/spirit?  You know it’s there, and I know for me, I seem to keep an extra eye open and I notice my surroundings in greater detail than I did before I began investigating.  I believe that when you start investigating, especially going against more malevolent beings, it is possible that they will notice you and know who you are.  When you approach an investigation and you ask for communication with spirits, they know who you are.  I know investigators (including myself) who do protection rituals and make it very clear that they cannot harm me or follow me.

Now the Ganzfeld Experiment…such a fascinating element of parapsychology.  Does the Ganzfeld Experiment open yourself up to experience things you couldn’t in your everyday life?  I believe so and no.  Does it permanently leave you vulnerable to psychic and spiritual phenomenon?  It has the potential.  Does participating in this leave a permanent bullseye for any spirit to notice you and possibly go after you?  I doubt it, but I would certainly love to talk to someone about it who knows more than I do

Now when it comes to things like seances and ouija boards, that is another ballgame.  Or is it?  When investigating, you are asking for communication.  And with seances and ouija boards you are requesting communication.  It’s a fine line, but I believe there is a difference.  Seances come in many forms.  Seance comes from the French term, “sitting” or “seat” and rose in popularity when Spiritualism broke out.  There is something to be said sitting in a circle with other people trying to communicate with spirits, especially through a medium.  And with ouija boards, I have a great respect for them but I would probably never use one.  I’ve heard and experienced too many negative things tied with a ouija board, especially when it comes to the disposal of one (always bury, never burn).  Ouija boards are typically associated with bringing in an inhuman spirit.  What else is funny is that ouija boards are sold in toy stores and made by Milton Bradley.  There are also ouija board necklaces being sold.  I was actually offended when I saw this.  Paranormal investigating or “ghost hunting” is already seen as a novelty as it is.  Technically you don’t even need to buy a ouija board, you can draw a board on a piece of paper or napkin and go from there.  It’s that simple.  Ouija boards are made by toy companies, what happened to the respect of the possibility that these things can do potential harm? Wearing a necklace with a ouija board shouldn’t be a fashion accessory or seen as cute.  That could open you up for potentially negative activity as well.

Is there a safe way to use a ouija board?  I’m sure.  But you need protection which leads me into my next point.  Protecting yourself is very important.  There is a fine line between not protecting yourself and building a wall so thick that you cut yourself off from any activity.  Where do we draw the line?  It’s hard to distinguish.

In closing, when you decide to investigate the paranormal, you need to make sure you do what you can to stay safe while still allowing yourself to experience activity (at least for me, for purposes of collecting evidence and documentation).  And protecting yourself not only during an investigation but during your normal everyday life.  I started investigating when I was 14.  Looking back, it was probably not the safest thing to do, especially investigating solo as a teen with only the internet as my guide.  But it taught me so much about myself, the paranormal and how to protect myself and conduct myself on an investigation.  I’m still not an expert.  I read as much as I can and watch other teams as they do investigations.  What I want to close this post with, is that you should always be in the pursuit of knowledge.  Keep reading, keep watching, and never stop learning.

Actor, Playwright, Director, Researcher…Superhero

Alex Matsuo

Well, not really.  I just seem to have a lot of my plate but for no reason.  It is self-inflicted.

You know you’re a nerd when you go to the library and you have to refill the meter twice and pray that you don’t get a ticket for going over the 1-hour parking limit.  I checked out some books for the group project for the introduction to the paranormal class I took from Ryan Buell.  I’m also going to be taking his demonology course in October, so I checked out some books to help myself prepare for the next few months.

I also went to Borders and found some really interesting books on Shakespeare.  Ironically, I came up with my own research topic for Shakespeare-related materials and I got the idea while working on my group project for Ryan’s class.  I’ve decided that I’m going to read Will’s text and see how many times ghosts appear and take note of anything paranormal in his plays.  I’m a bit excited, so I’m going to go ahead and get started on it…I’m not sure if it would be a good dissertation topic, but then again I’ll never know.

Speaking of dissertation…

I’m trying to decide whether the PhD or the MFA route is right for me at this moment.  Technically, I can go for both at different times of my life.  But I found an MFA program that fits me where I am right now.  The application process is a lot of work, but I think it’s manageable.  It’s at Goddard College and it’s a low-residence MFA program so that you can focus on your own creative work and mold your own program.

Anyway, I’m off to the library again.  Adios!

Suzan-Lori Parks

Alex Matsuo

One of my favorite quotes is, “You’re only yourself when no ones watching!” Well, who said it? I’ve met celebrities, well-knowns, etc.  I’ve never really been star struck, maybe the occasional, “Oh wow…that’s Alan Rickman teaching me how to be an actor” (true story).  But never really been “star struck”.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mv2ahmcZdxM]

Well, that changed for me this year.  Her name?  Suzan-Lori Parks.  She has been a source of inspiration for me for a few years now.  I had two opportunities to see Suzan-Lori Parks in person this year.  The first time was during her “Watch Me Work” session in NYC and the second time was when she came to SDSU and spoke.  And every time I saw her, I got so excited, giddy and overwhelmed.  I remembered my eyes stinging as if my eyes were welling up with happy tears.  Okay, I’ll admit it, I got so excited I started crying a tad.  I even had the chance to take her photos…but until I have permission to release them…they shall remain hidden.  My camera has captured true genius.  I also had one of my biggest breakthroughs in her presence during her “Watch Me Work” session and I had the chance to talk to her about Japanese Eyes/American Heart.  She loved the idea, the topic and my passion for it.  When I received encouragement from her, it was my confirmation.

If you don’t know who Suzan-Lori Parks is, stop.  Google, check out The America Play or Topdog/Underdog, know who she is.  Especially if you’re a theatre person.  She is brilliant.  So brilliant and a genius.  Aside from family members, if you ask me who is my biggest inspiration and who has influenced me into the artist I am today, I will say Suzan-Lori Parks.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhnGEk5eODE]

Do You Know Any Japanese?

Alex Matsuo

There was a lot of excitement the past few days…the excitement is over and now it’s back to business.  Whenever I have to explain my last name, people usually will ask me if I know any Japanese.  I know very little.  If I got off a plane in Tokyo tomorrow, I’d have the look of confusion and of course would not be able to get around without a translator.  But the knowledge of the language and culture did not come from my Grandpa.  It came from my curiosity to learn about my Grandpa’s culture, but only the Japanese part and not the Hawaiian part.  He was born and raised in Hawaii so it was a bit mixed.  My great-grandfather came to Hawaii from Japan while my great-grandmother was born in Hawaii.  People will often look at me with some disappointment that I don’t know more.  A part of me would want to shout from the rooftops and say, “It’s not my fault!”  But really…does it matter?  Why should I let this question bug me so much?

This is yet another question/issue/dilemma that I address in Japanese Eyes/American Heart.  One of the characters has a line that says,

“He was Japanese in a time and place where it was not okay.  Even if you completely Americanized yourself, you were still watched, suspected, never to be trusted.“ -(Japanese Eyes/American Heart, Act I, Scene 4)

And that’s why I don’t know any Japanese.

When I was younger, I attempted to learn from a Japanese singer named Seiji Tanaka because he made covers of American songs.  It’s kind of amusing actually…his rendition of “Saturday Night” is my favorite…and I’ll end on a lighter note for this short posting:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AyfyWREFFY]

BTW, I’m accepting artwork submissions for the play’s poster.  If you saw the first staged reading and wanted to make some artwork, contact me directly.  A few people talked to me after the first staged reading and hopefully someone is still interested.

Random Side Note:  I’ve just realized that I’ve met and worked with more well-known British actors than American actors.  I wish the United States had the same vibe as British theatre…I remember seeing my Shakespeare teacher from BADA playing a major role in “Vanity Fair”.  I’m tempted to send JE/AH across the pond and see what feedback I get since I have the connections.

Ghosts of My Past

Alex Matsuo

It’s a cheesy title.  But the best I can come up with.  This might be a tad embarrassing to talk about on my blog but this topic has been weighing heavily on my mind and it will affect the development of Japanese Eyes/American Heart.
In the play, Amaya is plagued by ghosts of her grandfather’s unknown past.  These “ghosts” are not seen in the world of the play, but can be seen in the audience’s world.  When the Shakespeare text was intertwined, the characters from The Tempest represented theses “ghosts”.  I originally kept the Shakespeare in because I’m stubborn.  It’s an ambitious decision to intertwine Shakespeare into contemporary text of my own words.  Plus, I was writing this play as my thesis for my graduate degree.  I hadn’t thought that this play would have a life outside of school.  However, I was mistaken.  It has begun to generate interest from others, hence to why I created this blog.  I realized after looking at my last few entries, I hadn’t been writing about the play development lately and for that I apologize.  When I get into my “zone” I don’t think about, “Oh, I need to go blog about this.”  I spend so much time in my books and researching, that I forget about the reporting aspect.  If you know me personally, I love being a dramaturg in theatre about as much as I love performing on stage.  It’s a way to stay involved and also learn as much as you can.  I’ve been doing so much research on Japan and World War II and how it affected Japanese-Americans that I find myself going on tangents when I talk to friends when they ask how my research is going.  Even though Little Women closed in May, I’m still sorting through research on Louisa May Alcott and her work.  I love historical research.  Period.
But now that I’ve taken the Shakespeare out, I feel like there is something missing.  I want Amaya’s interest in learning about John’s past to be more than curiosity, because my intention was more than curiosity.  It has been shaped from the void that is in me because I only had my grandpa for seven years before he passed away.  Seeing the characters I created come to life on stage brought the memories back and made the memories more real than ever.  I still get positive feedback from audience members and there is a strong consensus that the play stands well on its own without the help of good ol’ Will.
I had a few of my actors from the staged reading look at some old family photos of me with my grandparent’s in which the seven year old version of Amaya is based upon.  One took a look at the photos and said, “I can totally see the personality you wrote about in your face.”  I didn’t think it translated as well as I had thought.
Anyway, back to ghosts.  I wrote about the ghosts of my past echoing into my present.  But that’s not all of it.  My family seems to attract paranormal activity.  I’m not going to talk specifics here because I rarely talk about it at all.  But lately, I’ve been trying to educate myself in the paranormal not only for my play, but also to help answer questions that have plagued me almost my whole life.  Education aside, it’s also made me more interested in becoming an investigator and try to help people who are going through something unexplained.   Right now, I have this unexplainable drive to become more involved in my education of this realm that terrified me as a child and continued well into my teens and he offered an online class, and I took the opportunity.
I always felt like that something is motivating me to keep going with the Japanese Eyes/American Heart project.  Something supernatural and something I cannot explain.  I feel like there needs to be a story told; about identity, making peace with your past and accepting that you may never be able to know all the answers or explain everything.  How will the ghosts of Amaya’s past manifest on stage?  Will there be an actor physically leading Amaya to the medals?  Or will it be a fog machine?  Will they be actual actors on stage or will they be the result of lighting and sound designers?  I won’t put the answer here.  All I’ll say is, right now I’m focusing on memory.  If I could draw a diagram of the memories between Amaya and John…Amaya would be God-like, in it that John only exists in her memory, and therefore, his memories exist in her memory as well, but she just doesn’t know it.  Maybe next time I’ll draw something out and scan it so you can see.  It’ll probably help my actors too.
Well, that’s it for now.

The Choice to Engage

Alex Matsuo

It’s been a while.  Dealt with another split in my theatre world.  But this one was for the better and far away from me.  I started my new job which has been keeping me busy.  I’ve slightly touched on my play, added some more dialogue and more specific stage directions, etc.  But, that’s not my reason for blogging.  I’m blogging because of an interaction I had with some old people today.  Okay, they weren’t really old, maybe mid-50’s to late-60’s.
I was driving home and on my way to the freeway after having brunch with a friend.  I had both hands on the wheel, listening to the radio.  I stopped at a stop light, and while I was stopped, I grabbed my purse from the passenger’s side floor and put my phone on the charger.  Light still red.  I resumed my sitting and waited.  I heard honking next to me.  I glanced over and this man is yelling at me while making a phone out of his hand.  I could tell he was yelling at me to get off the phone, and he was being quite aggressive.  I mouthed back (my windows were up) showing both hands in the air that I wasn’t on the phone.  Then I see the man’s wife lean over with her dog in her lap and she starts yelling the same thing at me.  Well, at that point I knew I wasn’t going to convince them that I was not on the phone.  So, I flipped them the bird and didn’t acknowledge them or look back over.  I kept hearing the man honking his horn, and I kept ignoring.  Did I have the last word?  I don’t know.  Did I care?  Of course not.
I tried not to engage in the conflict as much as I could.  Of course, I couldn’t resist flipping the bird.  I really didn’t care because I knew I wasn’t talking on my phone or texting on my phone.  I simply put my phone on the charger while I was at the red light, and it took probably…five seconds?  I could have yelled back at the guy until I had a vein sticking out like him, but I chose not to.  It wasn’t important enough to me to prove to these people that they were in the wrong and I wasn’t on my phone.  I know that anything I yelled back or gestured wouldn’t do squat and they would only continue to yell at me.  And it was aggressive yelling with intense hand motions and the doggy in the lap being jerked around while the wife yelled her two cents at me.  Of course it’s bugging me slightly because I’m blogging about it.  But, I have to say, I’m human and it felt good to flip the bird, and resume my life in the serenity of my car while this man continued to honk his horn at me several more times until the light turned green.  It felt pretty good to be the calm one and in control of my emotions.  I couldn’t even tell you what happened to the couple after the light turned green.
So, why am I writing about this?  It gave me some inspiration for Japanese Eyes/American Heart.  It wasn’t the exact event and I’m not adding a scene that is identical to my experience today.  It’s the choice to engage or disengage in conflict, and the choice to start conflict.  As well as the decision to stay in control or to completely lose control.  So we shall see where this inspiration takes me.
Thanks for your reading time.

Return to Manzanar

Alex Matsuo

Since so many people asked…the drama from my previous post is somewhat resolved.  I was asked to mediate a meeting between the two parties on Tuesday night.  It was interesting.
Back to topic!

I have a writer’s block when it comes to my play right now.  I’m revamping it and doing some major rewrites and making changes (hopefully) for the better.  I’m adding characters and taking away characters.  I’ll most likely be having private readings with some of the original cast members just so I can hear what I wrote.  I feel like I need to also work on the transitions, and fill some holes.  So that’s that.
I’m planning a pilgrimage if you might call it.  To Manzanar.  It’s a bit of a drive from San Diego.  But I would like to see the camp and maybe get some inspiration.  I’ve made peace with the fact that I’ll always have an emotional connection and I’ve worked too hard in keeping the emotions separate from this project.
Here’s a little documentary about Manzanar and connecting it to Muslims and 9/11.  I like it because it shows the contrast between what the government told the public and what really happened to those who were forced to go into internment.  If you saw my staged reading of Japanese Eyes/American Heart, John and Takeo have a confrontation about the internment camps.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVxf7J0dwCQ]

Instilling Fear Unto Others: My Way or No Way

Alex Matsuo

An opening song to warm you up for this posting.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsdy_rct6uo]

This isn’t about having to choose between two men (damn).  It’s about picking sides, or feeling like you have to pick sides.  I’m going to put my life drama in the spotlight…theatre.  Ah, theatre.  My first love, my companion, so many different layers of enjoyment and fulfillment I receive from you.  Unfortunately, there are those who love you so much that they ruin it for others who are just as passionate.

I’m going to tell a story about a theatre company far away, close to home, but far from home at the same time.  This theatre wants to go from community theatre to professional aka offer Equity contracts, build up the donations, hire big names…far enough right?  Right now they focus on musicals and Shakespeare as a community theatre in repertory, but they want to cut Shakespeare and aim to become a LORT (level whatever) theatre and focus only on musical theatre.  What about those who still want to be paid and pro  in BOTH?  Or what about those who want to just focus on SHAKESPEARE?  I’ve seen the classical actors hold their tongues when they had to dance in 42nd Street.  Or what about those who do this as a hobby?  It seems as though the decision was made not in consideration of the other three groups.  EDIT:  All because of a disagreement between the fight coach and the artistic director. Where do they go?  For someone like me, I like to do both musicals and Shakespeare and it would be awesome to become a professional in both but…at the same time, I make a sufficient amount of money where if I didn’t get good paying shows…my job can supplement my passion.  See?  There’s that word again.  I’m passionate about theatre.
Then I got this email this morning; the director announces that anyone who does not want to aim for AEA or produce professional musical theatre can leave, and will not be able to come back.  Aka…go with the fight director.  He might as well have said that.
Side Note:  I talked to said director about this posting, he’s okay with it as long as its all ambiguous and anonymous.  Don’t ask, I will not reveal who it is or the name of the company.

Wait, wait…wait.  Why?  Why would someone want to cut off an entire group like that?  Or, why would someone threaten his company like that…so that they won’t leave?  It’s theatre…people will audition and go where the work is at.  They will follow the paycheck if that is their goal.
“If you’re unhappy enough to go to another theatre company, you’re obviously unhappy here.”
That’s not always true.  I’m sorry, it’s not.  There is such a thing as exploring other adventures or quenching curiosity.
If people feel like they cannot leave without paying a consequence put forth by someone dealing with insecurity (or plotting revenge on the person who hurt them)…a tension will begin to grow in your company.  There will be tension between those to brown nose/strongly establish an alliance, those who are Switzerland (neutral) and those who want to leave, but feel trapped because they fear there might not be other options if they leave what they have now.  Especially with all the great things coming up for the company, you certainly don’t want to leave now, do you?
And we come to the magic word of this post…fear.  Instilling fear into others is low.  Very low.  It’s being a big bully.  It means you have power not because people respect you, but because they fear you.  I called the director and informed him that I would not be a part of this company anymore due to the fact that I don’t want to choose sides and most of all, I don’t want to feel trapped.  I will not associate with those who bash Shakespeare and will go on to explain how much they love musicals.  I will not associate with those who are on the extreme of the other side.  If there’s no respect for other art forms within this company, I will have no part in it and find another adventure.  Turns out, the director didn’t want to lose me.  How funny.  So for right now, I’m staying but if I find something better, I will move on and hopefully the director and my fellow actors and designers will respect my decision and not assume that I’m betraying anyone.  I used to be that pleaser of all sides, but it turned into an emotional roller coaster and having to switch sides and it tore me apart.  So I’m going to be selfish.  I’m in this for me.  And if you compromise my goals, dreams and aspirations in a negative way, I’ll leave.  Simple as that.  No hard feelings, and nothing but good wishes on the way.  Basically, if you ask me to choose and pick one or the other under the conditions that I spoke about…you’ll most likely be disappointed with my choice and the choice of others who have a strong will.

It's OK to be Takei

Alex Matsuo

I haven’t updated in a few days.  It’s been very busy!
First, I got my Masters degree.  It’s weird to think that, “Hey I’m done.”   I’ve loved my time there and it is a huge part of who I am.  What’s next?  I don’t know.  Hopefully a job in theatre?  I’ve already built up my reading list, as I want to keep studying even though I’m no longer in an academic setting.
Then, I sang the National Anthem at a derby bout.  It went better than I had expected.  I got many compliments and it was the first time anyone in the league had heard me sing.  I have to admit, it made me miss performing, a lot.  It’s been a year since I’ve been on stage.  It’s been a year since I’ve performed in anything.  I miss it.  But anyway, I also chopped off my hair.  I think the look works…?  Maybe?  My goal dress also fits!  It’s taken me a year to get into that thing, so that was a big accomplishment on its own.
Today, I woke up with a migraine.  I was supposed to go to Disneyland, but with the migraine, I was just not up to it.  It is a big deal for me to not be up for Disneyland.  But alas, I took the day to just relax and work on photos and catch up on my reading.
As a part of my day off, I browsed Facebook and found a link to an article about the Tennessee bill.  It contained a humorous video by one of my favorites, George Takei.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRkIWB3HIEs]
As I watched the video, I thought about the whole, “That’s so gay” slang.  It has always bugged me.  And when people use the word fag or worse to insult someone, even as a joke, is offensive to me and to those that I love.  Plus, most people who use those words…well…how shall I elaborate without ticking someone off…have you seen what kind of people they are?  They don’t usually refrain from using the N word either.  They are most common to be trailer trash, douchebags, sluts, not have their lives together, losers…I can go on.  Whatever happened to just live and let live?  Accepting people for who they are?  What if someone said, “Oh that is so Nicole”…ugh…I don’t know.  It’s like these people can’t figure out another  word to use.  And usually these people are not only stupid (yeah I said it) but they lack any knowledge of common sense, they are immature, lowest of the low in their job which is usually a fast food restaurant or a trashy retail establishment and have no respect for other people.
I only wish I could respond to them in the same way that George Takei does.  But all that I have is my little blog with less than a dozen views a day with barely any comments.  Although I’ve probably written something that the trolls will thrive to respond to…and I look forward to reading the comments, if there are any.