If you know me well, which most of you do, if you had to name two things I love it would be theatre and the paranormal. Theatre has been a part of my life for over 20 years, and it isn’t going anywhere soon. The paranormal found me, so to speak, and it’s been at the forefront of my mind since I was a kid. Regardless of where I end up in life, those two things will always be important to me.
I will say 99% of the people in these communities are amazing and fantastic. But that 1%…not so much. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people. It just means our personalities are quite different and it wasn’t a good mix. However, that 1% has gone out of their way to hurt and break my spirit it seems. Like, they need to put me in my place.
Why does that 1% get more attention than the other 99% who are amazing to me? Maybe it’s because I once trusted them? I need to stop focusing so much on the people who have hurt me. I’ve noticed a pattern with those who end up hurting me, and it usually goes along like this:
They aggressively insert themselves into my life to become my friend
They do a lot of favors for me
In turn, they expect me to go to bat for them in ridiculous circumstances because of said favors
When I can’t deliver or don’t meet their standards when I do go to bat for them, they leave quite dramatically
Thus follows about a year’s worth of petty drama and a one-sided pissing contest
Now that I’ve noticed the signs early on, I’m usually pretty good at picking this up. When this happens, I divert myself away from the person as soon as possible. But what happened to giving people chances? Nope. Not doing it anymore.
I’ve put myself out there to the extent now that my light faded for a bit. But, it’s time to let that shine. If that means certain people aren’t invited to the party, so be it. I’d rather have just 1-2 friends who are awesome than 50+ friends who take advantage of my weaknesses and vulnerabilities for their personal gain.
Let your light shine, and don’t you dare let someone else put it out.
Today is absolutely surreal. I never in a million years thought that I could become a published author. The whole concept is unbelievable, and I can’t tell you how extraordinarily lucky and blessed I am for this opportunity. Llewellyn Worldwide has been an absolute dream to write for, and I’m eternally grateful for this amazing opportunity that they have given me.
Of course, many people will wonder where I got the idea for the book. To be honest, the idea of an entire book dedicated to a haunted theater in the midst of a busy city was not new for me. It was an idea that I had been cooking in my mind for a few years now. The Tenth Avenue Arts Center is a beautiful location and has become quite the hub for the arts to cultivate. It is also home to quite a crew of ghosts who have found a home in the multiple stories, performing venues, galleries, and more.
I hope you will consider getting your own copy of The Haunting of the Tenth Avenue Theater and explore the stories and experiences that I and my team shared individually, and as a group. The publication is in perfect timing with the upcoming Halloween season, and is sure to be a wonderful addition to your ghost story collection.
To my friends who have been my cheerleaders and supporters, thank you so much! To my family who has carried me throughout the year, you mean more to me than you’ll ever know.
Finally, to my mother, who isn’t here on this Earth to celebrate with me, I hope I’ve made you proud. I miss you everyday, and this celebration is a collaboration of happiness and sadness as I feel your absence during this time.
This is a two-part post about my studies into the relationship between performance and the act of ghost hunting.
A performance is typically defined as an event where there is someone who is presenting something, and there are a group of people observing. This definition of performance is not limited to only theatres or television and movies. A performance can take place at nearly any time of day at any kind of location. Performances can happen at school with the popular crowd, and they can happen at ghost hunts. Scholars have written thousands of book on performance studies and there are even degrees dedicated to the discipline. As a society that is ever growing and changing on a regular basis, there are so many different types of performances out there that appease almost every person out there. From traditional musicals that warm the heart, to the heart-wrenching dramas that influence someone to call their mother to tell them they love her, to the soul shattering avant-garde performance that makes you analyze what it means to be human….performance is an essential part of our existence that is necessary in order for us to survive and thrive.
Before we dive into the performance of ghost hunting, let us take a moment to consider the relationship between performance and spirituality. The earliest roots in theatre lie in ancient Greece in something called, “ritual reenactment”. Back before theatre and performance was established, the ancient Greeks wanted to honor the gods by telling stories of their greatness. This initially began as “oral tradition” where someone would dramatically tell stories of the gods, with an audience watching. The audience would then become performers themselves and spreading the stories around like wildfire. With ritual reenactment, these early performances including singing hymns and performing some kind of movement.
To keep this along the lines of being the abridged version, the villages and tribes began to compete with each other by adding costumes, live music, and written texts in their performances for the gods. One could argue that the original audiences were the gods, and the transition from performing for them to performing to fellow humans was one of the breakthrough moments in the creation of live theatre. Overall, theatre is a very spiritual experience, which the philosopher Aristotle argued that it was needed for the purposes of catharsis, meaning the purging of emotions. If you have ever cried during a movie, you had a cathartic experience. Catharsis was seen as a necessity for cleansing the soul.
With the thought in mind that theatre was originally intended to be spiritual and for the gods as a gift, is it a surprise that there are rumors about theatres being haunted in the first place. Some of my favorite cliché ghost stories come from the urban legend of haunted theatres from the spurned woman in white who lost her chance to be on the stage to the Macbeth curse causing shenanigans in each production, there is a strong connection there. Until the media came into existence with television and film, theatre was the vehicle for expressing society’s belief in the paranormal, and you can watch that belief evolve over time by just analyzing the plays from each time period.
I suppose that the title of this article can be misleading, as it is not an article on how to perform a paranormal investigation or ghost hunt, there are enough of those books out there on the market. Instead, it is a venture into a theory that theatre people, whether they are actors, tenant, directors, dancers, etc. they are inadvertently capturing the attention of the ghosts and causing a performance from both the living and the dead. Artistic people are interesting enough on their own, and I would not be surprised if a ghost chose to attempt communication with an artistic person over someone whose not. I will say that artists are very open-minded to the world around. Could they be lifting a psychic wall around them and making them more vulnerable to having some sort of communication with the other side? If you were dead, and you couldn’t find a way to communicate with the living, and you found someone who could hear you, wouldn’t you do whatever you could muster up to catch their attention? The answer is probably yes. But this isn’t a performance. That is the lost seeking out a solution. When the situation is reversed, and there is someone trying to communicate with a deceased person, the ghost isn’t able to communicate in the way that they used to in life, so they have to pull out the dramatic displays in order to get their point across. I would imagine that this is an extremely frustrating endeavor.
The most obvious example of performances in ghost hunting is in paranormal reality shows that became increasingly popular in the early 21st century. It is a far cry from ritual reenactment and the once cathartic experience that was the performance space. I think perhaps the reason why for this widespread popularity was the fact that the paranormal is an unknown area of knowledge. You can’t get a college degree in paranormal studies and many people who do come forward with experiences in the public eye are portrayed as being insane and not to be taken seriously. At the end of the day, these production companies need to make money. You make money by drawing in an audience, and you keep that audience by continuing to make your show entertaining. I won’t say that the “paratainment” business has sullied the investigation field, but instead, has brought exposure to the paranormal and hopefully making people more open-minded about the existence of ghosts. In the last ten years, there has also been a dramatic rise in the number of ghost tours at numerous haunted locations, where a group of people will go ghost hunting for a night while locked in a building with a guide. The paranormal reached a new height when it came to monetizing the potential interactions with the dead, which many people pay big money for. But because the factor of money is now included in the experience, I have to wonder if along with tickets being paid, if there was an expectation of goods to be delivered (such as a paranormal experience). In turn, does this turn ghosts into entertainers? And if so, what does this mean for the ghosts at the Tenth should Jeff decide to move forward with the guided ghost tours?
I would like to say that my investigations and research into the building have not subjected the ghosts into being put into a situation where they are being asked to perform tricks, since I don’t expect them to ever perform for me. If they choose not to communicate, while I may be disappointed, I acknowledge that it is their right to not talk. But another researcher from the outside looking in may have a different opinion. Where is that fine line between requesting communication and asking the ghosts to essentially perform tricks? I suppose that it is all in the eye of the beholder and the ghosts that are being placed in that situation. If you were to ask me what my long-term goal was for the Tenth, it would be that someday the most prestigious researchers in the paranormal and psychic phenomenon visit the Tenth. It would be great to be able to secure the building for a weekend (at the very least) and let these researchers loose in the building and see what comes of it.
Performers, in terms of actors, dancers, musicians, and artists, seem to be completely different people compared to business professionals or those who don’t consider themselves to be artistically minded. For example, let us go back to the Ganzfeld experiment, which is the sensory deprivation experiment that leads to the altered state of consciousness. There was a study conducted in 1992 where the American Society for Psychical Research used twenty of the most gifted students from the Julliard School in New York City and put them through the sender-receiver experiment. The results were extraordinary because there was a success rate of 50%, which was double the success expectation rate. The facilitators of the experiment, Charles Honorton and Marilyn Schlitz then used eight musicians for the remainder of the experiment. Six out of the eight students either had direct hits or a 75% success rate. Again, these are extraordinary results. The theory behind this success rate was due to the participants; especially the musicians have a dissociated state of mind. Very much like meditation, being dissociated is very much like the feeling of being on autopilot and disconnecting from the outside word. According to John G. Kruth, the executive director of the Rhine Research Center, jazz musicians who often improvise their music will go into this state as they play, channeling the environment around them as they make up their own tune. What would happen if we allowed a bunch of actors to go in and ghost hunt for a night? What kind of results would come up from the night? If we go by the results of the study of the Julliard students and the Ganzfeld experiment, it seems as though there could be potential of a productive interaction with the ghosts.
Theatre has been around for centuries; from the beginning of theatre through oral tradition, to ancient Greek theatre to the contemporary theatre that we know today. Theatre is an intricate part of human history. Theatre is important because it has the ability to show the best and the worst sides of human nature. It has the ability to purge our emotions, making it an experience that cleanses the human soul. Even before humans had the ability to read and write, stories were passed down through oral storytelling and giving a visual imagery to people and bringing memories to a persons mind. Today, in modern society, theatre has been embellished and more than ever, people are going to the theatre to watch stories come alive on stage and learn new life long lessons about love, friendship, betrayal, trust and forgiveness.
Theatre mirrors the past, present and future of our society. People connect with history through the stage and can create a more effective emotional connection to our roots. Theatre is important to me because it gives me the opportunity, as the actor, to step into another person’s life and feel their emotions and go through their journeys as a human being. Theatre, in my life, is giving a gift to the performers, to the audience members, and anyone else who is a part of the project. It is important to every person in all walks of life because we learn of each other, ourselves, trials and tribulations, and to perhaps, find a way to resolve our conflicts between ourselves and other people. We learn more about ourselves and the people around, and perhaps, theatre will give us a venue and medium in which we can come to mutual understandings, or create havoc and chaos from all the different people in the room. But that is up to us to decide.
I started a new residency this week at a new school. To sum up the gist of my job, I basically show Kindergarten-5th grade teachers how to integrate the arts into their curriculums. There’s a lot more to it, but for sake of not boring anyone, I’ll leave it at that. I love my job, it can be exhausting at times, but I get to work in something theatre-related and teach the next generation of students. I have a tendency to get attached to my students. What can I say? I’m a sucker for hugs, high-fives, handshakes, and toothless smiles. I love seeing this kids grow from being shy children to completely letting go on stage and becoming a character. I especially love training teachers and seeing them grow and develop and become phenomenal artists, whether they realize it or not.
Anyway, today I had a student whose a four-limb amputee (for the sake of the internet, his name is going to be omitted). I’ve worked with kids with special needs on a regular basis, even working with children with autism and having them perform Shakespeare and Moliere on stage. These kids I especially have a soft spot for because they are the most creative artists and they surprise me so much with the things they come up. And not to mention how genuinely happy they are to be a part of a group and feel included by their peers. While it’s trying, it’s very special and I consider it a privilege and an honor. I end up learning a lot each time. I learn about myself and what it is to be human.
My student whose a four leg amputee really excelled in theatre today. We worked with mirror activities and I taught them how to warm up and this student truly led by example. Even though he was missing his limbs, the movements he created were amazing. I would have thought he was a modern dancer. The way he expressed himself and took the plunge into all the activities was astounding.
Before we got into the activities, I was talking to the kids about imagination and how actors can be whatever they want to be. They use their imaginations to become characters and be able to do things they usually can’t do in reality, or so they think.
The student asked with wide eyes and a smile, “Can I even be a superhero?”
Yes, student…while you may not know it yet, you are already a superhero.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what makes me…well, me.
I’ve been thinking about how people’s perceptions of me differ from person to person. I’ve always been one to confront directly as much as I can. More often than not, whenever I do that, the other person doesn’t communicate and then the birdies chirp in my ear about all the horrible things that the other person has said about me. What’s been hard for me is to forgive those who have hurt me in the past, especially if they didn’t ask for it. But forgiveness is something that benefits both. Living with hate in your heart only hurts yourself. But as the ever-so-wise Dalai Lama said, it’s important to forgive but never forget. If you forget the past hurts, then you risk repeating yourself. So, in turn, I’ll forgive, but never forget, ya know?
I learned early on that if you have a problem with someone, it’s best to directly communicate with that person. My friends and family and even those on the outside know that if they ever have an issue with me, my door is always open. I learned from the best. My mentor is the same way. I’ve tried to live my life as he does and I try to look at life through his eyes.
I also have to accept that other people have very limited perceptions of me. I’ve been accused of having the desire to rub elbows with certain famous people in a particular field I am in. A part of me laughs and the other part makes me shake my head. Being the entertainment business for so long, I’ve had the privilege of working with people who have high acclaim in the industry, and I’ve also been honored to see my own peers rise up to stardom and fame on their own. “Rubbing elbows” with well-known people is part of my job. It’s part of the job of my friends and peers. It’s a part of my life. There’s nothing to brag about because I’m not special or exclusive like that.
But if I did have the option to become famous…there’s only one department I want to acclaim fame in, and that would be the theatre. Either an award-winning producer, playwright, director, or actress. It’s a tall dream. It’s a dream that has a long road ahead of me. But hey, if I become a well-known Shakespearean actress, awesome. But I don’t desire fame, never cared for it. I’ve seen what it does to my friends who have become…known. I’ve seen the transition from local, unknown friend to now everyone knows their name. Some take it in stride, some don’t.
Maybe this is a poor way to express myself. But you know what, I’m human. I can be affected by negativity as much as the next person. I’ve dealt with gossip about me before and I’ll do it again. Like I said, I appreciate it if someone just tells me directly that I’m a conviving bitch rather than tell everyone else about it and leaving me in the dark. If anything, that speaks more volumes about that person’s character than any kind of bad talking they can spew.
The best way to respond to hate is with love. It’s not going to be easy, and it will be a learning process. But I’ve learned that the only way to combat negativity and hate is with love. No need to add fuel to the fire. But also be aware that sometimes I may not feel like fighting back at all, and moving on and forgetting is a much better option. I suppose it all depends on how much I want that person to remain in my life, or whether I’ll be running into them again in the future.
But anyway, this post is about my legacy right? I work with kids and teach them theatre to pay the big bills while acting, writing, dramaturgy, etc. help supplement the rest of my income. I’m truly blessed to be able to do what I love 24/7. But working with kids isn’t for everyone. They drain my life energy. But there’s a reason why I always get a little weepy every time I’ve had to say goodbye at the end of each term. I get attached to those little buggers. Every time a parent approaches me and tells me how much their child has changed positively since they met me, I’m so proud of the child. I was just a coach, a cheerleader, a helper. Even with the kids or teens who meet me with tension and animosity, given some time, the walls break down eventually. I don’t mind if the only memory these kids have of me is “Miss Alex was a crazy chick who taught me drama and who made me laugh.” I’ve seen the growth in kids and teens from their exposure to the arts that has moved me to tears.
I don’t want fame to be my legacy. I want to be able to leave a mark on people as a positive person who has helped people. The reason I love working with kids and teens so much is because I’ve been given a wonderful privilege of changing their lives and making a positive impact on them. For some kids, I may be the only person who accepts their hugs or their drawings. I might be the only person to praise them for a job well done. This translates to teenage life and adult life. You may be the only person who has given someone a lending ear for their problems. You may be the only person who has ever shown a person love instead of disgust. If you want to leave a positive legacy, it starts with you.
You have the ability to change the world and leave a powerful legacy for yourself.
Now, I ask you this: What kind of legacy do you want to leave? How do you want people to remember you?
Well, not really. I just seem to have a lot of my plate but for no reason. It is self-inflicted.
You know you’re a nerd when you go to the library and you have to refill the meter twice and pray that you don’t get a ticket for going over the 1-hour parking limit. I checked out some books for the group project for the introduction to the paranormal class I took from Ryan Buell. I’m also going to be taking his demonology course in October, so I checked out some books to help myself prepare for the next few months.
I also went to Borders and found some really interesting books on Shakespeare. Ironically, I came up with my own research topic for Shakespeare-related materials and I got the idea while working on my group project for Ryan’s class. I’ve decided that I’m going to read Will’s text and see how many times ghosts appear and take note of anything paranormal in his plays. I’m a bit excited, so I’m going to go ahead and get started on it…I’m not sure if it would be a good dissertation topic, but then again I’ll never know.
Speaking of dissertation…
I’m trying to decide whether the PhD or the MFA route is right for me at this moment. Technically, I can go for both at different times of my life. But I found an MFA program that fits me where I am right now. The application process is a lot of work, but I think it’s manageable. It’s at Goddard College and it’s a low-residence MFA program so that you can focus on your own creative work and mold your own program.
As I’ve been working on my play and editing out The Tempest, as I mentioned before, there’s been a void. I spoke to my mother last night about the void and she mentioned that when she read the play, she thought the connections to the text were astonishingly strong. A few people agreed as well who were in attendance and one of my Theatre 100 students thought that my play helped them to understand the prose. Interesting? Maybe. At first, I was relieved to go through and delete Will from my play and concentrate on my own works, but I’ve been finding myself going back and re-reading other plays that might inspire me. Maybe it’s that time of the month, or maybe whenever I’ve been writing, I’ve been more emotionally vulnerable, but I tend to cry when I write. Not a “boo hoo” sort of way, and I’m giving myself a hard time about being cocky for being “moved by my own words.” I always called BS on people for that stuff and now I’m finding myself guilty of the same thing. I don’t even realize I’m affected until the tears come down my cheek. Is this a representation of pouring my soul into this play? I hope not. I want to tell a good story that will move and affect people. I don’t want people to see this play and think, “Wow, this chick has some unresolved issues that she just threw up on the stage.” My advisor and mentor, Dr. Peter Larlham inspired me to memorize one sonnet a month. I’ve already got one under my belt. I really want to start falling in love with Shakespeare again. I sort of walked away from him for a few months, but now I’m reading to get back in. I also want to expand my knowledge of British Literature and the history behind it all. Am I missing academic life? It sure sounds like it, doesn’t it? I’m also thrilled to report that many of my original actors are on board for my informal workshop next month. I’m also looking for new actors, particularly of Japanese descent, to come as well. I’m excited about the new possibilities that await me, and hopefully, I can maintain my sanity for 6 more weeks of my job.
This isn’t about having to choose between two men (damn). It’s about picking sides, or feeling like you have to pick sides. I’m going to put my life drama in the spotlight…theatre. Ah, theatre. My first love, my companion, so many different layers of enjoyment and fulfillment I receive from you. Unfortunately, there are those who love you so much that they ruin it for others who are just as passionate. I’m going to tell a story about a theatre company far away, close to home, but far from home at the same time. This theatre wants to go from community theatre to professional aka offer Equity contracts, build up the donations, hire big names…far enough right? Right now they focus on musicals and Shakespeare as a community theatre in repertory, but they want to cut Shakespeare and aim to become a LORT (level whatever) theatre and focus only on musical theatre. What about those who still want to be paid and pro in BOTH? Or what about those who want to just focus on SHAKESPEARE? I’ve seen the classical actors hold their tongues when they had to dance in 42nd Street. Or what about those who do this as a hobby? It seems as though the decision was made not in consideration of the other three groups. EDIT: All because of a disagreement between the fight coach and the artistic director. Where do they go? For someone like me, I like to do both musicals and Shakespeare and it would be awesome to become a professional in both but…at the same time, I make a sufficient amount of money where if I didn’t get good paying shows…my job can supplement my passion. See? There’s that word again. I’m passionate about theatre. Then I got this email this morning; the director announces that anyone who does not want to aim for AEA or produce professional musical theatre can leave, and will not be able to come back. Aka…go with the fight director. He might as well have said that. Side Note: I talked to said director about this posting, he’s okay with it as long as its all ambiguous and anonymous. Don’t ask, I will not reveal who it is or the name of the company. Wait, wait…wait. Why? Why would someone want to cut off an entire group like that? Or, why would someone threaten his company like that…so that they won’t leave? It’s theatre…people will audition and go where the work is at. They will follow the paycheck if that is their goal. “If you’re unhappy enough to go to another theatre company, you’re obviously unhappy here.” That’s not always true. I’m sorry, it’s not. There is such a thing as exploring other adventures or quenching curiosity. If people feel like they cannot leave without paying a consequence put forth by someone dealing with insecurity (or plotting revenge on the person who hurt them)…a tension will begin to grow in your company. There will be tension between those to brown nose/strongly establish an alliance, those who are Switzerland (neutral) and those who want to leave, but feel trapped because they fear there might not be other options if they leave what they have now. Especially with all the great things coming up for the company, you certainly don’t want to leave now, do you? And we come to the magic word of this post…fear. Instilling fear into others is low. Very low. It’s being a big bully. It means you have power not because people respect you, but because they fear you. I called the director and informed him that I would not be a part of this company anymore due to the fact that I don’t want to choose sides and most of all, I don’t want to feel trapped. I will not associate with those who bash Shakespeare and will go on to explain how much they love musicals. I will not associate with those who are on the extreme of the other side. If there’s no respect for other art forms within this company, I will have no part in it and find another adventure. Turns out, the director didn’t want to lose me. How funny. So for right now, I’m staying but if I find something better, I will move on and hopefully the director and my fellow actors and designers will respect my decision and not assume that I’m betraying anyone. I used to be that pleaser of all sides, but it turned into an emotional roller coaster and having to switch sides and it tore me apart. So I’m going to be selfish. I’m in this for me. And if you compromise my goals, dreams and aspirations in a negative way, I’ll leave. Simple as that. No hard feelings, and nothing but good wishes on the way. Basically, if you ask me to choose and pick one or the other under the conditions that I spoke about…you’ll most likely be disappointed with my choice and the choice of others who have a strong will.
